The logo of this blog will always be loved here at the jaded viewer. And as such, I've always kept you up to date on what's been going on with our favorite Belgian action star. From his last movie, Assassination Games (see review here) to his reality show, I'm always keeping tabs on the Muscles from Brussels. So having discovered the trailer for his latest movie (nope not The Expendables 2) I figured you all needed to know what's the what with JCVD.
Here is the trailer for Dragon Eyes which also stars world class martial artist Cung Lee. Seems JCVD is making Cung Lee do all the work as he plays mentor Tiano. Here be the plot:
In St. Jude, drug dealers and corrupt cops have destroyed an urban neighborhood. But newcomer, Hong, has the fighting skills and moral vision to save this town from itself.
As we all wait for The Expendables 2 (oddly JCVD plays "Jean Vilain") Really? How original! He's got a few other films lined up. "Welcome to the Jungle" is a comedy starring his two kids (yup they're back) and he sports one hell of a porno-ey mustache.
Jean Claude says Hi from Puerto Rico.
And his final film is completely out of left field. We got into sci fi territory and he will be in a movie called U.F.O. Here be the plot.
Five young people realise one fine morning they are robbed of functioning mobile phones, radio and electricity. While they try to escape this situation on foot, they happen to see a huge flying saucer. Soon the civilisation as we know it starts to break down and the five friends find themselves in the middle of an anarchic turmoil.
You gotta admit, he's really hitting all the different genres and it all might turn out to be awesome. If I get to see a spinkick, that'll make my day.
With the hype that Jean Claude Van Damme has received with being cast as a villain in The Expendables 2, one wondered why it took so long for JCVD to make the decision to join the all star cast. Was it because he didn't want to do action porn? Was he so adamant that the movie be "character action" as he always points out? Did he NOT want to play the villain?
Well I don't think the villain is the problem. Because after watching Assassination Games (formerly Weapon) there is a bit of grey in his character of Vincent. Van Damme plays an elite assassin who seems to be a cold blooded, ruthless uncaring SOB. But with any other JCVD flick, his character evolves and picks the good guy side. This side is includes ultimate good guy played by Scott Adkins as Flint and without a doubt adds the SUPER POW! to JCVD's POW. Now starring in his 3rd Van Damme flick, he kicks ass and is rightly in The Expendables 2 as well.
Assassination Games is a solid Van Damme flick that blends in a bit of The Professional with that Stallone/Banderas clunker Assassins. Think of Van Damme as Leon teamed up with Adkins playing the stereotypical Statham character. It's an awesome team up, one where the world's best assassins face off then in typical movie form team up to kill the Big Bad.
Van Damme is respectively solid and the action scenes are executed with precision. Without carrying the entire movie on his shoulders, Van Damme seems to play well with others adding a buddy cop like feel to the flick. Sure the bad guy, subplots and shoot em ups could have been better but Assassination Games plays out like a stealthy Max Payne FPS that makes me proud to be a Van Damme fan. Boring Plot-O-Matic
Brazil (Jean-Claude Van Damme) is a contract killer, willing to take any job if the price is right. Flint (Scott Adkins) left the assassin game when a ruthless drug dealer’s brutal attack left his wife in a coma. When a contract is put out on the same coldblooded drug dealer, both Brazil and Flint want him dead – one for the money, the other for revenge. With crooked Interpol agents and vicious members of the criminal underworld hot on their trail, these two assassins reluctantly join forces to quickly take out their target before they themselves are terminated. Awesome Review-O-Matic
After watching a bit of Van Damme's reality show, I saw a few scenes of this film being shot. What you'll notice first is that with every Van Damme flick, he still strives to make the best quality action movie in the business. Bulgaria is the setting of choice and Van Damme's kids get juicy parts. Kris Van Varenberg shows up playing a corrupt Interpol agent while Bianca Van Varenberg plays a comatose wife of Flint.
AG establishes itself with a stealthy opening as Van Damme performs a hit. Juxtaposed is Flint, a now retired assassin who cares for his wife who brutally attacked by what I believe is an evil weapons dealer Polo. Soon Polo has a price on his head and both JCVD and Adkins get in each other's way. There's a subplot involving Flint's former partner and Van Damme meets a hooker who tries to break the stone cold Vincent. None of this is oddly necessary, but it wasn't boring either.
Vincent is a prototypical assassin as we find out. An apartment that's not as it seems, he plays the violin, gets paid only in diamonds and has a pet turtle. We don't get a clear idea why Vincent is like this but I liked the mystery. Director Ernie Barbarash could have put in flashbacks, thank the action gods he didn't. Flint does get a flashback. Seems Polo gangraped his wife and put her in a coma?!? (hmm I have no idea how that could have happeped). Now he wants bloody revenge and Polo's bollocks.
The action scenes are actually super gory. Lots of sliced throats and ears. Gun shots galore are littered throughout AG. Sliced up bodies, gun shot riddled corpses and Adkins provides the spinkicks and out of nowhere punches. Also littered are lots of conversations with double talk, schemes and backstabbing. As we headed to the final confrontation, I was expecting a level of shit just hit the fan but what I got was more straightforward, budget constrained vengeance.
Sure it's another lone hitman movie, the generic action flicks that Jason Statham and his Transporter/Crank/The Mechanic/Killer Elite fold of movies we all love. But this one has Van Damme and it has Adkins and somehow it held my interest for the entire duration. Sure the bad guy and his goons were just assassination fodder, the killing of innocents for motivation and the quick witted banter between the 2 stars was a bit funny. But I like to think of this as a webisode of The Expendables 2. It's just a taste of what TWO FUCKIN HUGE ACTION STARS together can get done.
Like I said, some sliced throats, ear decaps and gunshots galore
WTF moment High tech wizardry helps kick ass
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Assassination Games is now out on DVD, on Video in Demand and is also on iTunes. The DVD includes Deleted Scenes and commentary with Van Damme and Adkins. Scott Adkins fans are like early JCVD fans. Sometimes you HAVE to watch everything he's in because it's just fuckin mandatory. Van Damme fans, you won't be disappointed. Assassination Games is better than his previous action efforts.
"You know I would love an American studio to trust me to make a comedy, I would be so good"
That's a quote from Jean Claude Van Damme from his reality show "Behind Closed Doors". I'm not sure how I missed this as I knew he was making a reality show but figured I'd never see it as it'd be on some Bulgarian cable channel. It's actually on ITV (UK) Thank the Google gods, it's on YouTube.
So I've only watched the first episode and here's is what we get.
We meet JCVD's family (minus the wife) Mom, Dad and his kids Kris and Bianca (a semi cutey)
We see scenes from "Weapon" his new movie (this is probably the only footage we'll ever see from this flick)
JCVD starts crying for no reason about how "we have to save this place [the world I guess is what he's talking about or it could be a Dennys]"
The Eagle Path was JCVD's "environmental film" and it's still and probably never will ever be released
He has his shirt off like 90% of the episode
His son is totally riding his dad's coat tails
JCVD gets a cameo in some Russian comedy directed by an American?!? He thinks he's playing Napoleon but instead he's playing a 19th century Van Damme...wait say what?
He then starts partying at a fashion show in Kiev. At this point there is a 99.9% chance he's going to OD on whores, booze and coke. Probably in that order. Damn this is getting good.
Note to self: Kiev has some damn hot looking hotties
The cutaway breaks are hilarious (JCVD spinkicks, JCVD pets a puppy, JCVD giggles...seriously I'm not making this up)
Bianca and Kris take a puppy to a vet (the puppy is suffering from a case of worms and his peeing and crapping everywhere) QUALITY TV here folks.
Scott Adkins plays out a scene with JCVD (probability of a JCVD spinkick: 1.2%)
"I have an addictive personality...we will go to hell together" Yes this is a quote. I don't no what he's trying to say either.
JCVD waits for his new puppy to make "poo poo". Like I said jaded viewers, QUALITY FUCKIN TV here.
JCVD heads back home to Brussels and we have an extended scene of Van Damme waiting for his luggage in the baggage carousel. It's a tense scene. Will the baggage show up? Is it lost? Is it damaged? Did it fall out of the plane mid flight? Holy shit! We don't know!
JCVD cleans up dog piss
OMG!!!! Jean Claude has a DOG SANCTUARY!!!!!! Van Damme is my fuckin hero.
Oh I forgot to mention JCVD wears various colored "JCVD" hats
He plays with his dogs on the beach while snorting some coke
OK I made that last bit up. Holy Dim Mak. I'm gonna watch the other episodes as soon as I can. Have I peaked your interest? Go watch it for yourself.
From time to time, I like to check in on the man who makes up the jaded viewer's rating system. Sure he turned down The Expendables but JCVD who last appeared in the aptly titled JCVD and Universal Soldier: Regeneration is still making movies....in Europe.
But after checking IMDB, its nice to see JCVD is making a new movie with Scott Adkins called Weapon (they actually fought one on one in The Shepherd: Border Patrol). Adkins is an action talent with serious awesome fight skills (think Van Damme circa Bloodsport).
So what's this about?
Rival assassins Jean Claude Van Damme & Scott Adkins — each of whom are masters of their respective weapons — form an uneasy alliance in their mission to take down a DEA-backed drug cartel.
Ahhhhhhhhh. Damn those DEA backed drug cartels! I wonder what JCVD's master weapon is. Ninja stars? Katana? Whip? AK47? Breadsticks?
I mean how hard is it to get distribution when he already has a built in audience? Could it be his fanbase has diminished? Are Van Damme fans watching MMA fights instead? Could it be that Insano Steve and I the only Van Damme fans left in the world?
Hello? Anybody else a Van Damme fan? Hello? Bueller?
[this review brought to you by Insano Steve, who has sleepless nights and reoccurring nightmares that Jean Claude Van Damme's bump on his head is out to attack him]
As you can probably tell from our rating system, Jean Claude Van Damme is the jadedviewer.com's favorite actor. Hard to believe that he's been around for over 22 years! That's a long time for an actor with so little acting ability. While most people probably gave up on JCVD in the late 1990s, he's been pumping out mediocre straight-to-video movies for over a decade. Let's take a look at his most recent movie ......
Boring Plot-O-Matic
When terrorists threaten nuclear catastrophe, the world's only hope is to reactivate decommissioned Universal Soldier Luc Deveraux...
Awesome Review-O-Matic
Universal Soldier: Regeneration is part 3 of the Universal Soldier series. Seeing how part 1 was a JCVD classic, and part 2 was his last legitimate theatrical release, my hopes were modestly high for part 3 here. Does it deliver? Well, my first impression, was not too good. As the opening credits rolled, I noticed that once again, all the actors seem to have Eastern European names. Sure looked like another of his "filmed in Bulgaria" crap-fests. And the video quality was camcorder quality. I know I watched a downloaded copy, but this shit was pretty bad.
As for the plot, a bunch of Russian terrorists kidnap the Russian Prime Minister's children. Deciding to up the ante, the terrorists then occupy the former Chernobyl nuclear power plant and threaten to detonate one of the old nuclear reactors. They do all of this to free their jailed comrades. You would think the kidnap of the children would be enough to get the job done. Nope. Apparently, in Russia, if you don't threaten to irradiate the population, the government doesn't take you seriously. But wait, that's not all. The terrorists also recruit a traitorous American scientist who brings along his next generation cyborg Universal Soldier (this model resembling a MMA fighter).
The American army finds out about this new UniSol, and decides to 'regenerate' a couple of 1st generation and send them in to fight the terrorists. These UniSols are quickly dispatched by the MMA soldier. The de-frosted UniSols are played by real puny looking actors to make MMA soldier look extra bad ass.
In the meantime, our hero, JCVD, is in a de-tox program to help former Universal Soldiers reacclimate back into society (sorta like Michael Vick's dogs). He's doing well, albeit he looks really old. His fighting skills have deteriorated and his grasp of the English language is marginal (not a real stretch for JCVD). However, left with no other recourse to deal with the new MMA UniSol, America decides they have to use JCVD. Once again, JCVD is forced to fight! Why was this America's problem anyway? I really don't know. It's always best not to ask too many questions of a JCVD plot.
Later, for some reason that I forget, the terrorists decide to defrost another old UniSol. This one played by our favorite Russian bad guy, Dolph Lundgren. Poor Dolph looks super-old in this movie. Even older than Van Damme. He's probably in the movie for 10 minutes despite being on the DVD cover. He spouts a few lines indicating he is now self-aware, and then proceeds to fight JCVD to the death. Technically, Dolph was playing a clone of the Dolph he played in part 1, who JCVD killed. You get that? How would you feel if somebody killed your clone? Really makes you think. Meanwhile, the Russian Prime Minister chooses his children over the welfare of his country and gives in to the terrorists' demands. Way to go Russia! Nice government you have over there. The terrorists get their comrades freed, but decide "Fuck it, let's blow up the nuclear reactor anyway!". The terrorists proceed to set the detonator (with an impractically long countdown time) and leave the MMA fighter to ensure the explosion.
Will JCVD reach the bomb in time?
Will he do his patented spin kick?
Will his stunt double perform a spin kick?
What about the Prime Minister's kids? Who's gonna save those little fucker?
OK, I won't spoil it for you, ....
Gore-ipedia
Well this isn't a horror movie so not much gore. More like a bunch of MMA type moves and holds. They're decent, if you're into that sorta thing. Van Damme does kill Dolph by throwing a pipe through his forehead, then firing a shotgun through the hole. Good work Van Damme!
Nude-ipedia
T&A: Total sausage fest. I can't imagine a movie having less nudity than this. I'm not sure there was even a female in the movie.
WTF moment?!?
In all of the fights JCVD had, it was pretty apparent that he was using a stunt double. And when JCVD was fighting Dolph, it looked like they were using 2 stunt doubles! Poor JCVD. Kinda sad. Kinda funny. I guess it wasn't hard to find a stuntman who looks like JCVD (the back of his head anyway).
WTF moment 2!?!
While JCVD is in killing machine de-tox, he has a relapse in a cafe, and practically kills an elderly man minding his own business. JCVD just snaps while drinking a coffee, and beats the shit out of the old guy. Then leaves the cafe like nothing happened. Totally random. Totally awesome. As WTF as it gets.
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
By any objective measure, Universal Soldier Regeneration is another below average action flick. Subjectively though, as bad it was on many levels, I enjoyed it. It's certainly better than most of his recent 'character action' movies. Due to the plot, Van Damme, does little acting (which is his weakness), And due to his advanced age (dude's pushing 50), his stunt double does most of the fighting. So in an ironic way, it's the best of both worlds. He can neither act nor fight. Yet somehow, he's still out there kicking ass!
So, as long as JCVD is gonna make movies where he (or some guy who resembles him) is spin kicking bad guys, you can be sure that I'll be watching. Oh, who am I kidding? JCVD could probably start doing gay porn, and I'd probably watch.
I wouldn't be the jaded viewer if I didn't inform (ahem force) you to know what was the latest movie of our beloved hero Jean Claude Van Damme. I told you about Karate, I told you about The Eagle Path and now we unleash the trailer for Universal Soldier 3: Regeneration!
Dolph Lundgren and UFC champ Andrei "The Pit Bull" Arlovski are tag team UniSoldiers against the one and only JCVD. Are you psyched? Are you mega psyched? Are you super mega psyched? We here at the jaded viewer are super duper mega psyched times infinity!!!
This comes out in theaters on..oops sorry my bad. The DVD comes out on January 5th 2010. Sigh.
Here be the plot (in case you forgot or sorta cared)
A crazed Chechen nationalist, BASAYEV, seizes control of Chernobyl, site of the infamous nuclear meltdown, and threatens to unleash a radioactive cloud unless his nationalist blackmail demands are met.
LUC DEVERsEAUX (Jean-Claude Van Damme) joins a U.S. team of revived UniSoldiers secretly held in deep storage. Their mission: retake Chernobyl and disable explosives that will unleash the radioactive clouds. Luc is surprised when he finds one of the reactivated UniSoldiers is a clone of his old Sergeant, ANDREW SCOTT (Dolph Lundgren). But the cloned Andrew has no recollection of Luc.
As the team furiously battles its way into the Chernobyl plant, they are caught off guard. Using a mind-control chip, Baseyev turns Andrew against his own comrades. Now surrounded, wounded, and out-numbered, Luc must battle Andrew, and save the world.
OK enough of the chatter. Here's the trailer!! Woohoo!!!
Thanks to Twitch,JoBlo and a few other sites for the heads up.
If that wasn't enough Van Damme for you, check out some awesome related linkage.
Jean Claude says Hi from Puerto Rico.
