Blackout Haunted House: Spring 2012 Edition (Review/Walkthrough)

"I'm being toyed with by a bunch of depraved children" 


- Nicholas Van Orton (The Game, 1997)

PROLOGUE

I've always had a fascination with participating in something only a few people get to do. Be it a flash mob, an ARG or an assassination game played with water guns. But unfortunately I haven't had the chance to do any of those as of yet. What I have done is be part of the legend that is Blackout Haunted House and experience their haunts like no other. I've been to 2 of their Halloween haunts and 1 of their Spring events. I'd like to say I'm a Blackout veteran but this haunted house has been around since 2009 and there are more hardcore fans than me.

I've received comments, tweets and e-mails from countless jaded viewers who will view the most sickest, disturbing and vile horror movies I recommend but won't ever ever...and I mean ever go to Blackout's haunt. They think it may be too intense for them to make it through. So they wait for me to give them the safe and easy way to experience it through this little corner of the interwebs and as you know I'm happy to oblige.

I've now met my fellow survivors (at a Blackout after event complete with free drinks) who, like me have survived this Spring 2012 edition and it's funny hearing that they read my past reviews and walkthroughs and it helped or convinced them to partake in Blackout's October and May haunts. I couldn't thank them enough because as a writer, the only feedback you get is through comments and this being the Internet, the majority are always negative. Hearing them say how much they liked the detailed dreamlike recount of what I experienced makes it all worthwhile when I do these. So I thank you guys for making me sound awesome.

But I digress. You didn't come here to read my rants and raves on my motivations and such. You came here to read about what only 20 or so people experienced last month. You're here to read about this underground haunted house that the other haunted houses talk about. You're here to read about the first rule of "Horror Club" is not to talk about "Horror Club". This legendary theater experience where you sign a waiver, have to read cryptic rules and has a fuckin SAFETY word. You've read all the other reviews, went to their official site and the Facebook page and are fascinated by the cryptic comments of the individuals, nay the survivors who participated on a sunny, ordinary weekend in one of the most creepiest and fucked up haunted experiences ever conceived.

So I'm here to tell you about the secret that is Blackout Haunted House's Spring 2012 haunt. The one you read about before and believed I totally made up. Hell, nobody I tell ever believes me. Why would they? Will you?

WARNING!!! 

[This review and walkthrough contains HEAVY MOTHERFUCKIN SPOILERS of this event. One day, when you do get the courage to attend a Blackout Haunted House event, you will want the same feeling I had not knowing what was going to happen. To feel the exhilaration of something horrificly awesome....a torment of fun. To experience Blackout to its fullest is to go there virgin fresh, free of spoilers and past knowledge of what occurred in previous incarnations. If you wish to experience this as many others have in a new and exciting way, STOP READING NOW. YES NOW!!! Go surf some porn, create a meme or watch a a kid get kicked in the groin on YouTube.] 

Now if you still wish to proceed. Scroll down like the pussy you are.











The Experience

It all starts with an e-mail. At midnight. The subject line reads: "It's time...you've been chosen". Dates are given on a weekend in May. One week later, more e-mails with more information. Then one week later you get the dreaded but exciting 3 dot e-mails. The 3rd e-mail has more information regarding where you'll meet, payment, confirmation of time and those rules. The rules, similar to the Halloween rules are slightly altered and slightly ominous. Lateness will not be tolerated and they stress that you MUST GO THROUGH THIS ALONE.

So on a warm, sunny Saturday night I headed to Manhattan to [LOCATION DELETED] at [TIME DELETED]. I'm unfamiliar with this section of the city and get a bit lost. It's [TIME DELETED] and I only have 3 minutes to get to [LOCATION DELETED]. If I'm late, I might have cost myself a chance to partake in the haunt. I make a wrong turn, see a familiar face and am told I'm not suppose to be here. Then down some steps I see the black t-shirt with those 3 dots and it's fuckin GO time. I had ran to the [LOCATION DELETED] and am now out of breath as I hear the man with the 3 dotted t-shirt ask if I'm The Jaded Viewer. I nod and say yes. I'm led to an empty phone booth. I stare at my fellow New Yorkers as they go enjoy this wonderful spring day. For the 45 or so minutes, I'm not going to be able to.

I soon catch my breath to hear what my guide has to say. I'm getting a bit anxious and nervous levels are increasing at toxic levels. I'm given a waiver to sign and am told to read through it thoroughly. Being the complete jaded viewer I am, I skim through it. I scan there will be VIOLENT AND SEXUAL SITUATIONS and something about being photographed. I've already signed one of these before so I sign my name immediately. Now I'm told to read the last part which has the word INDEMNITY in it. I fuckin ace it because I've been practicing the word in front of a mirror for the past 3 days (Fun Fact: I totally messed up this word in the last Spring Haunt). I also am told to turn off my phone.

Now that all the formalities are out of the way, it looks like we're ready to begin. I'm given an envelope with my name on it and am told to head down the street . So I start walking.  One can't prepare for the level of intensity when this shit starts. True blinding paranoia creeps in like a mothefucker. I walk down one block and start looking around. In the corner of my eye, I spot a large bearded man with a baseball cap in front of me. We both stop at the cross walk. I have no idea if he's "in on it". But I keep my eye on him. He looks waaaaay fuckin shady but then again everybody in NYC looks waaay fuckin shady (even myself). I walk down another block and I start to look behind me (because I know from my past experience and countless horror movies, that you need to do this every 5 goddamn minutes). I see a group of Asian girls who look like tourists. Would Blackout have recruited giggling Asian girls to distract me? How cunning they are. You smart motherfuckers. No, no. Red fuckin herring right there.

More walking I start sweating not from the heat but my mind is doing that Matrix thing and telling my body you're fuckin nervous, let's perspire profusely. Suddenly, I hear loud running footsteps and see the MAN. He is in on it and he hands me a flip cell phone and tells me to answer it and to follow the instructions I am given. I quickly head to an open public phone booth and await the call. I see the giggling Asian tourist girls looking at me all weird. In America, it's perfectly normal for strangers to hand over cell phones and look menacing. The cell phone rings and I answer it. I try to filter out the city noise and listen intently. I'm told to open my envelope which I rip open like a kid looking for birthday money. In the envelope is a hotel key card and on some printed paper are INSTRUCTIONS  in big bold letters. I am asked by the man over the phone to read the instructions.

There are 6 directions listed. Number 1 is to go to a [LOCATION DELETED] and go to Room #309. Directions from the lobby are given. Number 2 is to enter the room and go to the desk by the window. Number 3 tells me there is a gift waiting for me and I'm to take my shoes and socks off, leave them by the bed and to place the phone by the nightstand. Number 4 is to turn off ALL the lights. Number 5 is to crawl into bed and get under the covers. Finally, Number 6 is to Go to Sleep.

The voice over the phone tells me to look to my left and if I see the [LOCATION DELETED]. I see a hotel in the distance and am told to walk to it. The phone conversation ends and I make my way to the hotel entrance. What the hell have I gotten myself into? In an odd way, this time around I was able to take in what was happening. This haunt compared to the past ones had moments of lull, some nothingness which seemed to build up the anticipation while simultaneously angering me to the fact I had paid for nothing to happen. But we'll get back to that in a second.

As I make my way to the lobby, it's a crowded scene. Hotel staff are checking in tourists, guests are scattered about and kids are running around. I look at my directions and follow them precisely. I see a hotel bar and quickly scan it but I know I'm on a schedule. I see the elevator I am suppose to use and see a family also waiting for it as well. I get into the elevator with the father and his kids and give them a skeptical look. Hmmm, would Blackout use a family as a smokescreen for something else? You sick bastards! The family gets out with me and I start searching for Room #309. The family quickly scoots ahead of me and enters the room across from 309. Well now I'm seeing these decoys in a whole new light. If they have to come into play, Blackout has really out done themselves.

I enter the room and follow my written instructions. It's an ordinary hotel room with 2 double beds. The beds and been stripped of bed sheets thought a lone pillow and cover lie perfectly made. 3 lamps are illuminating this room and the AC is humming inconsistently. I see the desk by the window and go to it. I see my gift which is a shot of whiskey. Never to turn down a shot, I take a deep breathe and down it, as some of my liquid courage trickles down my mouth. My nerves now at threat level WTF are still in the red and the shot does nothing to calm them down. Also, leave it to me to prepare by only having coffee and leftover pizza in my stomach. I leave the phone by the nightstand and take off my sneakers and socks and leave them at the foot of the bed. I then start turning off all 3 lights in the room. I crawl into bed, my glasses still on (because I'm completely dumb) and put the blanket over me.

It's now completely pitch black in the room with only the red glow of what I perceive are cameras to my left and in front of me. The hum of the AC seems louder. At this point and I close my eyes.

As I await my fate, minutes feel like decades. Childhood fears are brought back to life as I for one was one of those kids that slept with a night light. When I was young, my night light broke and I started whimpering for my mommy. (OK full disclosure, this happened last week) Pitch blackness is a level of terror Blackout has has done before and so oddly enough I will admit, I was jaded (yeah I made that pun, sue me). It's an effect that amplifies every creak, every sound, every gasp. You're now limited by to only a few senses and because of this the chills are echoed throughout. As I closed my eyes, knowing full well shit would hit the fan at any moment, I got a sense of serenity. Waiting builds up tension for noobs, but for a veteran like myself I was slightly angered shit wasn't happening at a quicker pace. Now having looked back upon this, the effect Blackout was going for is to be admired and designed for the newbie experience. Such is the way of things.

Now my sixth sense had told me people were in the room with me. I could hear the tap of footsteps and I was hearing a hollow breath of fucked up people who wanted to do fucked up things to me. I feel a touch on my foot, then my face. Two living breathing human beings are now getting into bed with me and I can't see a thing. They start to squeeze my body from both sides of the bed and they are breathing into both my left and right ear simultaneously with a level of maximus. It's a level of pseudo paranormal weirdness that is way beyond I could have ever come up with. As the breathing into my face went from slow, to medium to insane it abruptly ends.

In a film-like quick edit of a home invasion gone awry, the lights turned on, I see the fleeting faces of my bed mates and a pillow case is thrown over my head. I'm told to get up, then bear hugged, and I am guided to the bathroom. I hear the bathroom door close behind me. As I stand in the bathroom, bare foot with a pillow case over my head my mind races and prepares for the WATERBOARDING. I believe this is going to happen because it has happened before. Would the levels of this go up a notch? Would they decide to outdo the CIA? Would I call SAFETY in the midst of a waterboarding that would reach extreme levels? When faced with a situation one has done before, it feels familiar. But instead of the familiar, I instead hear a voice in the bathroom with me.

WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK???

I instead hear a voice telling me to "REMOVE YOUR HOOD". I proceed to do so and look around. It's your typical hotel bathroom, sink with no mirror. Toilet and in the corner was a pile of dirty towels. A bathtub lay in front of me with an ominous curtain and the drips of water emanating from it.

I say hello or something to that affect. The voice, in a scratchy Dark Knight sorta way, implores me to "OPEN THE CURTAIN". Well I've watched countless horror movies. In every horror movie, there's a door or a box or something somebody opens and they do it waaaaaaaaaaaay fuckin slowly. I'm not going to do that. You know you've seen it before. And oddly enough, I also became a human horror cliche. I too, hesitated a moment, fearful of what was behind that damn curtain. But being the veteran I am, ripped open the curtain and too my surprise what was behind it was not a sight I thought I would have imagined.

In the bathtub lay a completely naked woman. She lay there motionless with a white hood over her head.I scanned her body (which every red blooded American male instinctively does when they see a member of the opposite sex in their birthday suit). She coughs, a choking cough that jolts me a bit. The voice says to "REMOVE THE HOOD" and clearly this is the penultimate scene of my personalized horror movie. You would have thought years of watching horror movies would have prepared me to remove a hood covering the head of a naked girl in a bathtub, but until faced with it, you start to realize IRL shit is way fuckin different and terrifying from horror movie cliche shit. Preparing myself for the worst, I remove the hood.......

.....and see the sight of an attractive girl, piercing eyes with curly brunette hair.

She asks for "PILLS" and before she even completes the word, I'm frantically looking around the bathroom for them. I toss some towels to the side, look around the toilet and then realize she is pointing to a pill bottle on the soap holder. I quickly open the pills and as she opens her mouth I drop one in. Her voice then echoes for "WATER". I look around and see a spray bottle and rapidly unscrew it and pour a few drops into her mouth. She gulps it down, her throat clearing and she starts to sit up.

I start to kneel down. She starts to whisper in my ear. She asks for my name. I oblige hesitantly as the rule of NO TALKING, reminds me I should have not said that. She gets up from the bathtub and I start to slowly back away to the far edge of the bathroom. She is now a sight to behold. I'll admit, a pretty awesome sight. There are only a few instances where a naked girl means only one thing (yup, I know strip clubs come to mind as well) but the other one....well you know.

She is now standing in front of a fully clothed me and whispers into my left ear "I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT". Oh shit. Bow chicka wow wow. I start to try to focus. Is this a good time to ask if she wants to get a cup of coffee?  Talk about any good movies she's seen? I start to raise my hands, wary that one of the rules was to NEVER TOUCH THE ACTORS. I know fully well I'm here to experience a feargasm but instead I'm getting a fear-rection. She starts to touch me provocatively (is this shit going to turn into 50 Shades of Grey, not that I read it) and a few hints of groping seem to be in action. And at that moment of fearful bliss, shit hits the fan.

The freed captive girl starts to remove my buttoned down shirt and the t-shirt I have underneath. Throwing it on the floor, she starts to unbuckle my belt and pulls down both my jeans and boxers. HOLY FUCKIN SHIT. I'm now completely fuckin naked with a half stock. She moves in closer. Her naked body, my naked body and I feel helpless. Would she start to go all Basic Instinct on me? Her hands move around my exposed flesh, she touches the back of my neck and now she's breathing into my ear. Wow. Then.... [NEXT 2 SENTENCES DELETED]

I had not been expecting any nudity this time around, especially from me. I figured from last year, they'd forgo that gimmick and pick fears they hadn't utilized yet. She opens the bathroom door with my clothes and leaves and now I'm standing naked in a red tinted bathroom. The red tint is coming from a camera strategically placed in the bathroom. I start to use my hands to cover up but I realize this is fuckin useless. Under my breath, I curse Blackout. "YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLES" I mutter. It's a slight uncomfortable feeling being naked, in a bathroom in a strange hotel room. But if this is what I had to do, this is what I had to do.

Nudity is a sinking vulnerable feeling. But having done this last year, one realizes what one is capable of. Sure there was no hospital gown this time but I was willing to strangely take whatever the experience presented me. And then the girl came back in.

She presents me with night vision goggles and a flashlight and tells me to head to the desk. I have no way of covering up so I hold the goggles with one hand and the flashlight with the other. Peering through the grainy blue tinted goggles I look around the room. It's an exciting feeling, one part voyeur another part POV horror come to life. Creatively, it's ingenious to use the night vision to create an atmosphere of unknown dread. I admit, I liked this part. I felt like my POV has changed mid movie and from this 1st person perspective, they've limited my field of vision.  I make my way to the desk. My recollection gets fuzzy though I'm handed a phone (or was it there?) and it rings. I answer it and am ordered to write my name and home address. I place the goggles down and am now naked, sitting at a desk, fiddling with a flashlight in my left hand while writing in bad penmanship my name/address. A man is over my right shoulder. The phone call ends and the man tells me to place the phone on the desk.

Lights come back up.

Between the two beds lies Saran plastic wrap with a big X marked at the front. I am told to place "MY FOREHEAD on the X". I proceed to do so and have my hands in a dead man's position like I'm surrendering to cops. This is the climax, the pinnacle of the Blackout experience and I start to think really bad things. I start to think everything else was a cake walk compared to what may happen. I actually start to think about what I look like, buck naked lying on a hotel floor. It must be surely a sight. To the people that may use Room 309 after me, I apologize. I start to actually have the wiggins. I feel a hand put my arms to my side. And then BOOM!

I'm being wrapped in plastic, a big naked burrito with 2 large men on top of me. It's a helpless feeling but an exhilarating one as well. One man in all black yells at me. "IT'S NEVER OVER!!!!". He probably has more dialogue but I have forgotten it. I'm released by my burrito prison and see my clothes lined up on the bed.

The man proceeds to inform me I have 90 seconds to put my clothes on and exit the hotel. I'm like a speed freak and start putting on my boxers, my jeans. 60 seconds. Then my t-shirt. 45 seconds he says calmly. I see my socks and realize I won't have time. I stuff them into my pocket. 30 seconds. I put on my other shirt, a button down and get a few buttons in. 15 seconds. I slide into my sneakers as fast as possible. 10 seconds. I search for my glasses and realize they are on my FUCKIN FACE already. 5 seconds. I dash out of the room and close the door behind me.

I head to the elevator and evaluate my attire. I'm a bit of a wreck but I look passable. I wait for the elevator and get in. I start to check for my phone but realize before I start tweeting or Facebooking, I should get out of Dodge as quickly as fuckin possible. I exit the elevator, the light from the bright lobby is a sight. Normal people, doing normal things. I scan the people's faces, looking for a clue on what may happen next. It's a normal world. I make my way out into the street and head east. I look behind me a few times because remember, that's one of my fuckin rules. There is some remnant sun, but as I'm a block away from the hotel, I realize that's it. It's over.

I am a survivor.

The Aftermath

2 blocks down I see a stoop and put my socks on. It must be quite a sight from the looks of passerbys like I had just come from a close encounter in a Lifetime movie of the week. I find a nice park and do what I always do, take notes. And I start to Facebook and Tweet. Here is that first tweet.



I write on the jaded viewer Facebook page:

A review is coming for Blackout Haunted House's Spring Haunt. Yes it was as fucked up as advertised and lives up to it's reputation of being a fully interactive horror scene incarnate . It was innovative but had its flaws as well. Clearly, I will never tell my grandchildren about what happened last Saturday.

Later on, I  meet up with The Raven and the Black Cat and another fellow survivor for some much needed alcohol. We compare notes. We start discussing what we liked and what we disliked. It's much needed therapy from an exhausting yet oddly stimulating Saturday night.

Final Thoughts

Blackout Haunted House 2012 Spring edition is best described as a sequel with more extreme torture, more extreme nudity and more WTF. They definitely do put the FUCK in WTF. It's an experience that tests your boundaries. Are you willing to pass a line of no return? Can you give yourself up for less than an hour to Josh and Kris (creators of Blackout) and his crew and have them mindfuck you? That's the question I've always asked myself and the answer is yes. Because when will you ever have the opportunity to participate in a bit of theater, a bit of a horror movie designed around you and where normalcy gets thrown out the window.

Sure it's fake, sure it's make believe but your mind will play tricks on you and start to blend fantasy with reality. It's your 15 minutes and for a few depraved like myself, it's an outlet to role play. Answering mysterious phone calls, following instructions, going to spooky hotels. It's horror fantasy camp for adults.

What it lacked is what I've always complained about in the last Blackout haunts. The lack of story. I thought I paid to follow a narrative and I like piecing a story together. No such luck here.The haunt can be best categorized into 4 different sections.

1.) The Streets
2.)  Hotel Room Blackout Games
3.) Bathroom Speed Dating
4.) The Human Burrito

All of these are separate entities in itself and all together form no coherent story. The cat and mouse of the streets was fun and exciting. The darkness of the hotel room games was a rush into Paranormal Activity chills and supernatural craziness. The bathroom's get to know each other had elements of a frantic horror scene gone porno. And well for the Human Burrito, it's home invasion madness meets a Euro-trash/HK Category III slasher flick. Each section had some level of excitement but put together they didn't form Voltron. And at the end of the day, don't you wanna see Voltron instead of those damn fuckin Lions?

I proposed scenarios of a kidnapping/ransom plot which could have sorta tied everything together. Another idea rumbling around my head would be seeing the person who was ahead of you in the haunt  be violated. Seeing what happened to them might make me slightly disturbed. If I'm interacting, making choices and pushing the scene along, like a video game character...I want to know WHY I'm doing all this. But Josh has always said, the narrative gets thrown out in these things. It isn't Shakespeare but taking the mold of a situation and playing on the fear of it all is how it works. I understand that point. I experienced that point as well.

But a story doesn't hurt.

I can't help but compare with what I experienced last year. Be it partly because it was my first Spring haunt and the scenarios played out like nothing I was expecting, it felt more awesomer. All my senses were amplified in a way that brought about a real tangible fear.What last year lacked was a sense of claustrophobia-ness. However, this year the hotel room added that. The actors gave a level of intensity that mimicked a unseen mastermind, directing the action from the comfort of a surveillance room. A sorta rich man's game with a degree in psychological torture.  The bathroom woman had a seemingly exhaustive endeavor to create a sense of false security. Clearly it worked on me, her performance was on point (pun intended).

I enjoyed the world I inhabited a couple of Saturdays ago. I get an adrenaline rush NOT KNOWING what may happen. Blackout has always developed situations that get the maximum emotional effect. Their brilliance is in their simplicity. They push the boundaries of what a haunted house is suppose to be. They have a working Horror Fantasy Club, talked about in the shadows of Internet message boards and cryptic Facebook comments. Grown in NYC, the legend of Blackout now has no borders. It's a product of a society looking for an escape. It is why it works on so many levels. It is why I keep going back. It's an addiction like no other.

In this 9 to 5 world of America, we sit in a world complacent and safe. Like in David Fincher's The Game, we need to feel alive, to experience the rawest emotions, the situations that test your resolve. We need a Consumer Recreational Service (CRS) for the millennium age.

Blackout has answered the call.

Check out my past reviews and for more info on Blackout Haunted House check out the links below.

• Walkthrough/Spoilers of Blackout Haunted House (2011) 
• Review of Blackout Haunted House (2011) 
• Walkthrough/Spoilers Review of Blackout Haunted House (Spring Edition 2011)
• Review of NYC Halloween Haunted House (2010)
• Walkthrough/Spoiler of Blackout Haunted House (2010)
• Official Site
• Facebook Page

Would you have participated in Blackout's world of torturous party games? Sound off my fellow jaded viewers.

Be part of The Experiment! Nightmare: The Experiment (Dec 9th to Dec 23rd)

Clearly, Tim Haskell wasn't done psycho analyzing us to death a month ago. If you went to Nightmare: Fairy Tales (see full review here), you also attended The Experiment, the 2nd half of the haunt. I liked this portion better than the Fairy Tales walkthrough. And it seems because of the popularity, they've evolved it into a Nightmare (before Christmas) haunt of its own.

From the official site, here's the info about this new holiday haunt.

Psycho Clan, producers of NIGHTMARE, New York’s most horrifying haunted house and AOL CityGuide’s No. 1 rated haunted attraction in NYC have announced that they will expand the sensory assaulting theatre experience THE EXPERIMENT into an off–Broadway run on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. A special holiday version of NIGHTMARE (BEFORE CHRISTMAS): THE EXPERIMENT will run December 9 through December 23, 2011 at Los Kabayitos Laboratorio at the Clemente Soto Velez Cultural Center, 107 Suffolk Street between Rivington and Delancey.

Studies have shown that the anxiety of the holiday season, coupled with seasonal depression, heightens the neurotransmitters associated with feelings of fear. The Psycho Clan experimental division plans on exploiting those levels of fear for an adrenaline rushing 50 minutes of twisted holiday pleasure, with NIGHTMARE (BEFORE CHRISTMAS): THE EXPERIMENT. The event was originally part of this year’s haunted house as a second attraction, but due to its popularity, has been expanded and will return for a horrifying Christmas spectacular that’s able to amplify what it did in its previous installment and experiment on the whole audience in a terrifying (and entertaining) examination into the limits of fear.

“Christmas is supposed to be a joyful time. For too many, it just isn’t. If you don’t always feel joy during the holidays, a good scare will trigger those senses,” says Co-Director Timothy Haskell. “The same endorphins that are released during moments of joy and pleasure are the same ones coursing through your nervous system during times of great fright. So let fear ignite your holiday spirit!”

Tickets are $20 and showtimes run at 7pm, 8pm and 9pm. The haunt lasts about 50 minutes or so.

You can purchase tickets here.

I'll be checking it out and getting a review here in a few weeks. What do you think? Can you overcome your fear of creepy crawlies, psychological tortment and fear of *gasp* public speaking???

Check out the trailer!

Blackout Haunted House (Walkthrough/Spoilers)

On November 6th, after an extended run of sold out nights, Blackout Haunted House finally closed its doors. The urban legend of haunted houses became real for a ton of brave New Yorkers, tourists and people from all across the country and the world. But some weren't brave enough to venture into the darkness and others ran out of time. Well, that's where this walkthrough comes in.

Yup, I've been reading your comments, e-mails and tweets and everybody wants to know what the HELL did everybody experience at the Blackout Haunted House that made it the most thrilling, exciting and demented haunted house. Let's now pull back the curtain as I unveil MY EXPERIENCE of this best haunted house in NYC.

You can read my review and the Facebook page or the Twitter feed of others who went through it. Everybody had different experiences as it progressed. Josh and Kris changed a few things throughout the run and probably went extra Guantanamo Bay during the peak Halloween period. I went around the middle of it, during a press night where only a few brave intrepid reporters braved the haunt. I'll admit, I have forgotten the order of the events that I experienced but I'll do my best to give you a step by step walkthrough of each part of the experience. I also have to say my mind is a bit clouded and I've kind of forgotten a few things that happened. It's a mix of time that has passed since mid October and the fact that I'm not good at logging the events and get pretty caught up experiencing it.

As I said in my review: "Blackout Haunted House is the haunted house other haunted houses are afraid of." Now would you have gone to this?

• The black partition separates you from the start of this 20 min or so insanity (it feels devilishly longer than it actually is). Josh pops from the screen and guides you inside.
  
  
• You stand in complete darkness for what seems to be 2-3 minutes waiting and waiting and waiting. It's an agonizing wait until Josh gives you a paper thin surgical mask which you put on. "Do you have asthma?" "Do you have epilepsy?" Josh asks. I shake my head no while saying the words.
  
  
• You enter a room that has the glow of a flickering TV that splashes Poltergeist light. Seated to the left is a large woman, dressed in one of those medical outfits they give you for a checkup eating a cup of ice cream. A metal folding chair sits in the middle of the room in front of the TV. In silence, I'm pantomimed the universal sign to sit down. I do. I stare at the TV and back to ice cream lady. It must be awesome ice cream. I suddenly feel my hair being touched from behind. It seems another escapee hotty mental patient I didn't see likes my awesome disheveled hair. Ice cream lady moves her chair next to mine and gets really cozy with me. She puts her head on my shoulders and smiles. She grabs my hand tightly and I now see what's in hers. HANDCUFFS. She slowly puts both handcuffs on and I'm pointed into Room #2.
  
  
  
• In Room #2, its deadly dark. I step as carefully as I can in the pitch black darkness but I figure I'm not leaving this room until something happens. I now get the feeling I'm not alone and quickly somebody pulls up my handcuffed arms and have attached them to some sort of rope. Now a wraith-y misfit is touching me on my arm, neck and head and I can't see where it's coming from. A balloon pops. I'm a bit startled. What sounds like a metallic ladder crashes down and I'm startled a bit more. You know that jumpy feeling you get? Well I got that. I'm then untangled from the rope and I see a flicker of a flashlight and a man dressed like a doctor grabs my arm. I see he has a big fuckin needle and unrolling my sleeve, he plunges the needle down (Vincent Vega style) into my arm. Of course it's not real but has a psychological touch that hits me hard. (I HATE FUCKIN NEEDLES!). I'm now escorted via mild shoving to the next room.
  
  
• In Room #3, I see a chair and am told to sit down. I'm also handed a flashlight powered by some weak ass batteries. Also, goggles are put over my eyes. I scan the room with my flashlight and see nothing. But slowly, I see a figure. A Nosferatu like shadow creeping across the room, my flashlight making shadows into a silent horror movie. This room seems like a weird dream room, nothing really happens but it felt like the artistic portion of the program. Soon the figure dissipates and I'm grabbed by a somebody and shoved into Room #4.
  
  
• Well I should have known that was the lull before the storm. Because shit's hitting the fuckin fan. I'm now grabbed and thrown against a wall and told to put my handcuffed hands against it. Now facing the wall, I'm yelled specific instructions to take 10 steps back and I proceed to do that. I start counting in my head. 10....9...8...7... BOOM! I'm grabbed from behind and a hood is thrown over my head. I'm told to kneel down and now I can feel the sticky, wet grimy floor and then suddenly water is being poured over the hood. Yes folks, the rumors are true. I'm getting fuckin WATER BOARDED. Water is coming from every direction and I'm getting soaked. I start to breathe a bit heavy as the surgical mask and the hood have limited my breathing. I'm sure people call safety at this point but a bit of the waterboarding ain't gonna make me say it. My attacker calls out my name (which kind of shocked me but I guess this is Josh's way of personalizing the experience for the jaded viewer) and tells me to scream. I scream as loud as I can. I'm told I scream like "a fuckin pussy". "Scream louder!!!" yells my torturer. I scream louder. I'm called a variety of expletives and am told to scream louder. I do. It finally subsides. Told to stand, the hood is taken off and now I'm mildly mouth raped. Yes folks, MOUTH RAPED. Somebody is inserting their possibly unsanitary fingers into my mouth. After that brief oral gagging, I cough and dry heave a bit and the handcuffs are finally removed. I'm now told to go upstairs (or is it downstairs?). Its a bit foggy with the mouthrape and waterboarding having traumatized me a bit.
  
  
  
• A Blackout HH guide asks me: "Do you want a light?" She holds up a glowstick and I say "Yes". She holds it out, then says "Go get it!!" and tosses the glowstick near the opening of a dark tunnel. Wet, still sucking in air and a bit weary, I grab the glowstick and make my way through the tunnel. I start remembering some old Jennifer Jason Leigh TV movie called "Buried Alive" and remember the dark tunnel in that. The glowstick is my only light source and I start crawling through the narrow tunnel. I try to move as fast as I can when my leg is grabbed from behind. I can hear above me some laughter and the loud footsteps of the man above me. I finally see the end of this freakin tunnel and make my way out.
  
  
• Here is where I got lost. I believe I was told to go downstairs but I think I was a bit disoriented on where to go. I do head down some stairs and enter the TV room again. After getting some better instructions, I'm told to go to the infamous "Care Bear Room".
  
  
• Ahhh the infamous "Care Bear"/"Rainbow" room. The room has been called that as there was a bit of color and it had the most light from the previous rooms. I'm told to sit in a chair as a woman in a hospital gown creeps closer, whispering somebody is out to get her. She slowly approaches me and then stands to my left. She grabs my head and tells me to "Pull the string" which is dangling from her you know what...fuck it. Her fuckin pussy. I grab and pull it and she makes the most wonderful moaning noises. Now fully out, I can see it's a tampon. Yes you again reader have read that right, a fuckin BLOODY TAMPON. Now she tells me to put in my mouth and suck it. No use with arguing with her and I do, just barely. She suddenly jolts to the door and tells me to get out. At this point, I have the bloody tampon in my hand and figure I have a souvenir.
  
  
• I'm now guided into a bathroom and see quite a sight. A medium built man is whispering in my ear. What's most disconcerting is the man is entirely naked. His bait and tackle are hanging out for me to see. He starts mumbling things into my ear, I can't remember exactly what it is. He then proceeds into the toilet stall and closes the door. I now can hear heaving and the excruciating sounds of vomit upheaval. It's as disgusting as it sounds. He then opens the door and tells me to grab a key in the toilet. I hesitate and stare at the bowl looking for a key but I can't see one. My left sleeve was rolled up (from the crazy injection) but in the midst of my germaphobic nature I forget and dip my right hand into the toilet and feel for a key which I finally find. It's the first time I felt kinda disgusted but know this all can't be as sanitary as could be. Now guided out of the bathroom, a Blackout attendant asks me which hand I grabbed the key and I say my right arm. I see a bucket of water and she tells me to wash my right arm and my entire sleeve is now drenched. Good job to the jaded viewer. I'm just making it far worse for myself than I think this should be.
  
  
  
• I now enter the final room where I see a completely naked woman with her ankle chained to the floor. She starts pleading for me to free her and starts telling me "he will be back soon". I get into panic mode and grab the lock on the chain. I start putting in the key and try to free her but it's not working. My brain is freezelocking and I start believing I don't know how to open a lock anymore. But it seems the key is too big and doesn't fit this lock. A sense of panic hits me as I keep thinking naked black man (from last year's haunt) is about to enter the room filled with vicious rage as I try to free "his victim". She then directs me to a bucket filled with water near a sink. She informs me to check the bucket. I'm a little weary about this bucket and I now fear anything filled with water. I sink my right arm into the bucket and look for a key and find it. I head over to naked lady victim and proceed to open the lock. She grabs my hand and we start making our way to the exit. I'm going to free the damsel in distress! I'm the final guy! I look back and she disappears and I'm shoved violently out of the house as a man yells "Get out of my house!"
  
  
• The End
  
  
• The few spectators waiting for their turn look at me and I look at them. I'm soaked, tired and my face is half smirking and half terrified. I've just survived Blackout Haunted House and I silently say in my head "Fuck yeah!"
  

There you have it. The Blackout Haunted House experience. I'm pretty sure I've forgotten a few things but I'm hoping you other survivors can fill in anything I missed or add a few moments that I didn't experience into the comments. Everybody had a few variations on their experience and I think it's worth sharing for all who went through it and especially people who didn't.

I'm not sure how many people went to Blackout this year. Probably way more than the previous 3 years combined. I'm curious as to how many people SAFETY-ied. Did Blackout keep track? It would totally be cool if they did. Speaking to the crew, they said it was around 20%. I still have so many unanswered questions and one day would love to meet my fellow survivor club members and anybody else who went to Blackout.

Oddly this little torturer's paradise has brought people together in one of the weirdest way possible. After reading the comments and Facebook messages, people are proud to be part of Blackout club. Like in Hostel, you're part of an elite group, survivors of the baddest haunted house in the country.

You probably told your family or friends what happened to you and they didn't believe you. You tell them it's the truth and they probably said: "Haunted houses can't touch you or do that shit you just said!" You reply: "But I signed a waiver!" It all sounds made up but YOU know it really happened....and so do a thousand others.

You're a survivor. And I'm proud to call you a jaded viewer as well.

Things to Do While You Wait on Line at a Haunted House

Happy Halloween fellow jaded viewers!

I'm guessing your prepping your costume and are getting ready to trick or treat, heading to a party or parade or going to get your scare on at a haunted house. Well about that haunted house....

Haunted houses on Halloween night are the apex of all things Halloween. It's the perfect attraction but the anticipation is met head on with long freakin lines. You're going to wait and wait and move up a little and wait some more. You're probably reading this as you wait on line.

I'll admit, I've never had to wait during haunted houses as my press credentials now have become my VIP pass. But I've done it before and I know how horrible it can sometimes be. I decided to see for myself the pre-Halloween buzz at the now most popular haunted house in NYC, Blackout Haunted House (see review here). And boy the line was insane.

Scanning the line, Blackout has brought in a ton of noobs from different backrounds, ages and gender. Having talked to the Blackout crew, people have traveled as far as Toronto! to check out Blackout. Now that's commitment.

But what do you do while you wait? Well I've compiled a list of things to do before you get your scare on. Enjoy!

1.) Read the jaded viewer
2.) Keep checking Facebook every 2 minutes
3.) Keep checking Twitter every 1 minute
4.) Smoke a joint
5.) Tell the person in front of you their mom is looking for them
6.) Pull out a crucifix and yell out "God hates vampires!"
7.) Check your pockets for hidden money, proceed to hide money in sock
8.) Tell the person behind you that this is your second time walking through. Inform them that you had to remove your pants when you meet the "killer clown"
9.) Text your friend you signed a waiver which allows them to "insert an object into your mouth"
10.) Listen to The Misfits, proceed to yell out the lyrics
11.) See little kids in the crowd, tell them they won't be coming out
12.) Show picture of real life "ghost" (this can be done by installing that fake ghost app)
13.) Recruit people in front of you and tell them you're part of the HH. When you say "Follow me" proceed to exit and head to parking lot. Say Trick or Treat! It was a trick! Give them Twizzlers for their participation.
14.) Take out pocket mirror and keep saying Bloody Mary. Ask if people in line want to try.
15.) Vomit into paper bag. Tell crowd they got real corpses inside and you're the mortician that dressed them up.
16.) Bring a replica Hellraiser cube, ask if anybody knows how to solve it
17.) Tell security if somebody tries to scare you, you're gonna punch em in the face
18.) Prep yourself to walk through in your sunglasses
19.) Ask any hot girl if they need a personal bodyguard
20.) Drink Gatorade, tell people this usually lasts "around 2 hours"

Well I hope I could help as you wait on those crazy freakin lines. Enjoy the night and have a Happy Halloween!

Don't know what haunted house to go to? Check out my trusty NYC Haunted House guide!

Times Scare NYC (Review) (NYC Haunted House 2011)

How can a haunted house be under the radar in the heart of Times Square? It's Halloween weekend and you'd think everybody would be aware of all places to get your scare on. But in the case of Times Scare, the newest haunted house on the NYC block, it looks like it needs a spotlight of it's own and I'm here to do just that.

Because it's brand new, production crews have been working around the clock to get it ready. Originally slated to open Oct 13th, delays rescheduled opening night to 10/21 instead. What's unique about Times Scare is the fact it will be a YEAR ROUND haunted house. You read that right. I believe this is the first of it's kind in NYC and it's in a perfect place to get tourists tantalized for a quick scare. What's also kinda cool is that it's themed with John Carpenter's classic movie Halloween and as one of my favorite movies I couldn't be more thrilled to enter Haddonfield mental hospital to meet the loonies and the crazies....and of course Michael, the king of slashers.

In addition to the haunted house, Times Scare has 2 bars: The Kill Room and The Lounge. I didn't get my drink on, but drinking some liquid courage before some scares is always a good way to start off a haunted night. If that wasn't enough, Times Scare also has a live magic show called Shock Illusion starring Dan Sperry. Think Criss Angel meets Tim Burton. I didn't get to see the magic show but it sounds magically delicious. Hopefully I'll get to check it out at some point.

When I said Times Scare was incognito, I wasn't kidding. There was literally no line (though I think this weekend might change all that) and I was accompanied by 2 girls who seem a little nervous about meeting Michael. I explained to them I was a blogger who reviewed HH's and they put me defacto in charge of our 3 person group. "You go first!" exclaimed one of the girls. I'm was fine with that, it's how I roll.

Times Scare starts off up some stairs and awaiting you is a large metal door opens where loud clanging and clamoring of unseen asylum patients greets you. You start off checking in with a very dreary nurse for Haddonfield Memorial Hospital. Once you're explained the rules, you run through the halls for the mentally insane. Crazies, weirdos, nutzoids are all jumping for help and in the process, making you jump as well. You'll also get to meet the hospital staff from dazed nurses to mad doctors. As you chug along, you visit the confines of Haddonfield hospital where patients all seem a little off (or should I say they were off-ed). One nurse gave me a shot as she said "I looked ill". And I'll admit the nurses were kinda hotties even though they seemed to not be able to direct you where you should go (just point me in the right direction!) They all had that stoned look on their face and some victims screamed in pain from what seemed to be kitchen knife stab wounds....who could have done such a thing???

What grabbed my eye is the sets in each room. The rooms were very well done. Some stuff seem unfinished but it's probably due to the rush to get this all live. Faux mental hospital doors, caged bars and what seemed to look like a working operating room were very awesome. I was very impressed by some impromptu surgery and the level of gore and splatter. Times Scare is the brainchild of Jason Egan who is the man behind Fright Dome, a haunt central in Las Vegas. So it's no surprise that high tech wizardry and Hollywood worthy productions are top notch here.

As you move along, you make your way through the different rooms each detailing a part of Michael's childhood. It seems his mom has decided to feed Mike some spaghetti worms which made me kinda hungry (I hadn't had dinner yet when I went) As I trudged along I kept asking the characters "Where's Michael?" They didn't answer me but I got the feeling I was going to meet the man himself.

This is when the fun happens. I enter a dark room and I see a silhouette of "The Shape". It's eerie but I get the feeling I'm being stalked. As I now enter the hospital portion, I check what's behind me and I see the man himself. His trademark jumpsuit, the modified white William Shatner mask and a very large butcher knife. He really was stalking me!

This is where my group decides that they can scream louder than the actors. I can't stress enough that I've been so jaded by HH's that my scare-o-meter hovers around 3 or 4 these days. But these strange girls I was with were freaking out like crazy. At one point, one of the girls yelled "Let me out of here! I gotta go pee!" As we walked along they would grab on to me and push me into the next room. If you're a reader of my other reviews, I usually go through each room at a snail's pace to examine the detailed sets and interact with the characters. It's why haunted houses are my bag. I like admiring and talking within them. But I'm being shoved to go first into each room. I just became their shield.

Tight dark squeezes come into play which I liked and a hospital visit is never complete without a visit to the morgue. Body bags, wiry rooms and a whole lot of dead people on the floor (or are they not dead at all?)

As you go from room to room, The Shape seems to have the uncanny ability to get ahead of you and get in your way. It's not until you get to an ambulance where my final confrontation with Michael happens. Michael comes up to me, does that funny tilt head thing and I shout "I'm not scared of you!!! Danielle Harris beat your ass!" He is not amused and instead searches for the hysterical girls in my group.

I clearly haven't detailed every room in this review but all the rooms were fun in their own right. I did get lost towards the end as there was an exit that was clearly visible but it wasn't made clear to me that that was the way out. A few gripes were the actors didn't help in directing me to where I should go. (though I could have been doing that myself) Some of the Yelp reviews gave negative reviews as the initial run through was a bit messy. After a week of being open, they seemed to have worked out some of the kinks but a few things were a bit unfinished. I'd also say the actors did a decent job but I would have had them act out scenes from either the movie or interact with you and thus distracting you from seeing Michael as he stalked you.

That clearly was the best part. Seeing shadowy figures and seeing Michael stand behind you is phenomenal stuff for a Halloween fan like myself. I'd have kept doing that and milk the shit out of the fact Michael Myers was hot on your tail.

Times Scare is a fitting homage to Halloween that Moustapha Akkad would be proud of. It's like walking through Halloween scene snippets and embodying your own Jamie Lee Curtis. You have to role play a bit in a way where when Michael shows up and I had fun acting as a "scared victim". But if you inner your final guy/girl, you'll make it out of there with some fun memories of being in Haddonfield and surviving the night.

The Vitals...

• Times Scare New York is located at 669 8th Avenue (on the corner of 42nd and 8th)
• Tickets cost $24.95 for a general haunt pass ($39.95 for a VIP Fast Pass)
  
• Check out the official site
• Check out the Facebook page
• Follow Times Scare on their Twitter page
• Check out the video below!

Did you like or dislike Times Scare NYC? Share your thoughts below in the comments!

Your Guide to the best NYC Haunted Houses (Happy Halloween!)

It's Halloween weekend! And I know you all want to get your scare on this weekend so I've compiled all the NYC Haunted Houses you need to check out. Remember, the lines this weekend are going to be long and really long. Crowds are gonna be crazy at each of these places but if you're willing to brave it, each haunted house will give you something to take away from it....be it some quick BOOs! or a demented trip into an interactive horror movie.

But all are fun in their own way. You'll either be tricked or get a damn good treat. Happy Halloween!

Check out my reviews for all the haunted houses I visited this year.

1. Blackout Haunted House
2. Nightmare Fairy Tales
3. Blood Manor
4. After Dark: The Haunting (at Madame Tussauds)
5. Times Scare NYC
   

I couldn't get to all the haunted houses but The Raven and the Black Cat was a soldier who went to almost all of them. Check out reviews for Nightmare: Z-Day, Steampunk Haunted House, Trapped in Purgatory, Nyctophobia Haunted House and Haunted Playhouse of Horrors

Be on the lookout for my Blackout Haunted House Walkthrough coming in early November!

Leave your thoughts on any haunted house you visit and if you want me to be like a boss and walk with you, just pay for my ticket, buy me a Jamba Juice and I'm there.

After Dark: The Haunting at Madame Tussads (Review) (NYC Haunted House 2011)

It was inevitable that I would cross paths with The Raven and the Black Cat. As fellow haunted house bloggers, we cover the same territory and it happens we both attended After Dark: The Haunting at Madame Tussauds on the same night. So with a fellow haunted house enthusiast in my group and my friend "S" in tow, I was excited to see the popular Madame Tussauds wax museum transformed into a haunted house.

My biggest fear this year wasn't Taylor Swift coming at me with a bloody knife or President Obama whispering in my ear, it was that I'd be subjected to the same experience I had last year (see 2010 review here). But that fear was quickly eliminated after I was told it was entirely new and different. This would either be good or bad.

The Disclaimer.....

Situated in NYC's Times Square, Madame Tussauds during the day is probably a fun place to go to. I have never been to it with bright lights and the ability to see all the wax figures in detail. I saw a few glimpses of some rather cool figures I'd love to snap a picture with and a CGI sized Incredible Hulk that was crazy awesome. I must say, this might be a tourist attraction but I may one day go check it out during the daytime.

The catch is it is a tourist haven and either that appeals to you as a tourist or irks you as a New Yorker. After Dark will have a short run, October 20-23 and 27-30 (it's not open on Halloween?!?) from 9pm-12am. If you can bulldoze through the masses, it may be the most easily accessible haunted house in the city.

My experience happened to be part of press preview night and thus I was the very first group to experience The Haunting.

The Walk Through.....

In a group of 5, which included RBC, "S', myself and 2 other intrepid reporters we were led up stairs to a waiting elevator and then unleashed onto the darkened halls of Madame Tussauds. This is a very different opening from last year's version where the mock "the museum is haunted" ghost hunters video played with William Castle "Percepto" vision. I dug that a lot as the museum was using creativity and a back story to get you into a spooked out mindset.

However, this year you're thrown right in. The walk through the museum seemed longer than before as a long staircase starts you on your way. I set myself up in the middle, then later lagged behind and then summoned the courage to be in front to get the BOO! from different angles. As a jaded attendee from last year, I'm pretty much immune from the sneak up but I'll admit there were a few times I was startled and jumped out of my shoes.

As I said last year, the museum is so spacious that the only way to get jumpy is if the actors are pretending to be wax figures. And that definitely happens but they also come out of places you wouldn't expect. Wall crawlers and a parkour leaping professional scarer will get you screaming. It seems this year, the actors like to run at full speed at you (like a NYC taxi cab speeding and stopping at a red light). They also like to crawl, whisper and sneak before you exit.

Due to the darkness, I couldn't make out what they were dressed as or if their makeup was demony. But a few actors and actresses used celebrity camouflage to blend into their surroundings and unleashed their menacing screams. One actress seemed to speak gibberish. TV monitors aired psychedelic visuals are littered throughout the museum to get you full of "Ring" like moments. But as you wander around, once the initial scare is done, the actors point you to the next room.

I really wanted to have them act out a scene which they did in the first room I entered where a Anne Rice vamp sucked on.....sucked on the neck (get your mind out of the gutter dude!) of a would be damsel in distress. The actors did try to converse and I as always replied back. One scary demoness expressed the fact "she liked me...a lot". Clearly that was my opportunity to ask her out to coffee but I'm sure she would have "acted" like she wasn't interested at all. I believe there was a world of time to act out a quick scene after the scare and I wish they did more of that.

I also noticed the actor per room equation was a little off. It seemed we would get only 1 actor per expansive room. There's tons of opportunity to do a 3 per room quota that would enable you to scare people after the initial BOO! I know it would be a ton to ask these actors to stand still for hours on end, but that really is the big selling point here. Appearing from behind a corner or from a well placed coffin is expected. Standing next to President Nixon in a suit and tie goes a long way for the incognito.

The scariest points are when NO actors are present and you're staring at shadowy wax figures who seem so lifelike that you start to scare yourself. At one point, I stared at a wax figure for a full 30 seconds before I realized it wasn't an actor. The darkness combined with ominous celebrities and historical figures can sure play tricks with your mind.

But a few twists and turns and an encounter with a mother who seemed to have offed her baby get you back on track. The museum is clearly well dressed in the dark and works well for groups. The spacing between groups is nicely done and you sense you and your friends or the strangers with you, are alone locked in after hours. After Dark is well equipped with strobe lights and a variety of sound effects to get those goosebumps active. It's clearly designed with a family friendly atmosphere but even the biggest gangsta might lose some street cred as he squeals like a girl.

Overall, After Dark lost it's gimmicky hook from last year which I loved. It replaced it with a longer than normal walk through and was one of the best haunted houses to space out the participants for maximum creepiness. Sure I cracked a few jokes with "S" and RBC. It's in my nature to joke with the actors and sometimes I'll just wander on my own hoping I'm targeted for a scare. You'll need to summon some courage and head the pack. Remember, you're here to get your scare on.

After Dark: The Haunting is your go to theme park haunted house for Halloween. It's designed for tourists and New Yorkers who want to take a break from the glitzy lights of Times Square. It may not have elaborate sets or a pseudo torture walk alone aspect, but it has Justin Bieber being scary as hell.

And what's more frightening than the Bieber in eerie darkness? Well I guess hearing him sing.

The Vitals...

• Madame Tussauds New York is located at 234 West 42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
• Tickets cost $24 online
  
• Check out the official site
• Check out the Facebook page
• Follow Madame Tussauds on their Twitter page
• Photos provided by Madame Tussauds
  
• Check out the trailers below!
  

Did you experience After Dark: The Haunting at Madame Tussauds? Leave your thoughts and comments below!

Blood Manor (Review) (NYC Haunted House 2011)

Like a blockbuster summer movie, there are certain haunted houses you need to go to. As one of the most famous haunted houses in NYC, Blood Manor has gotten its reputation as the ultimate BOO! haunted house and it's well earned (see my past reviews from 2009 and 2010). It's full of elaborate, breathtaking sets, actors full of mischief and high tech wizardry. Year after year, Jimmy Lorenzo, Jim Faro and Mike Rodriguez amplify the experience of Blood Manor by tweaking the scare-o-meter and hiring a next generation of actors (half of them are new this year) who can appear stealthy but also get in your face.

What's also new is their location. Previously on 29th St, they are now in a new home on 163 Varick Street (in Soho). The new place has more space for the large crowds and lines as well as more space to unveil their colorful and creepy rooms. You cannot gauge what it takes to make Blood Manor happen. I attended on the 2nd night after they opened and the lines were extremely long already. But Blood Manor makes sure you won't get bored on line. A few lunatics that have escaped from the asylum keep the crowd entertained. Their costumes ranged from a cute girl from a Tim Burton film, a deranged carnie and a tall creature stalking on stilts. They also have a various acts of the freaky variety in a makeshift stage near the entrance. It helps pass the time as you wait.

I got to go backstage and behind the scenes and the level of makeup and costumes is overwhelming. Every actor is dressed in sleek outfits and their makeup is the equivalent of big budget movies. The level of organization to get this show up and running is carefully crafted and one can imagine the timing needed for it all.

With my friend "S" in tow and having met a fellow writer also covering haunted houses, the experience of Blood Manor is clearly one you have to create yourself. By that I mean here are some suggestions of the things you can do to get the best out of it.

• Take your time in each room. The sets are there to be admired and if you rush, you are going to miss the level of detail that Blood Manor has put into it. Each room is carefully crafted for maximum creepy. There are even some in-jokes and if you carefully explore your surroundings the scares will be amplified.
• Interact with the actors. Sure they're going to come out of nowhere to scare you but when they talk to you, you can talk to them. I usually answer their questions, insert a joke of my own and have a few comebacks as well. They will respond in kind and it makes each room more fun.
• You don't necessarily have to be in front to be the one that gets the BOO! Sometimes being in the back of the pack will pack a punch with the scary. By being in the back you'll get to admire the rooms more and not be rushed to go to the next room.
  
• Talk to the strangers in line with you and in your group. You're all here for the same thing and the more you know about who you're going with, the more fun it will be.

The Rooms

A new twist starts off your journey as darkness plays a role as you enter Blood Manor. The rooms seem to be more claustrophobic this time around and the sets seem closer than ever before. You'll be greeted by such ghostly characters as a bride and groom and demons from the netherworld. What struck me this time around were the animatronics. They popped out at just the perfect times and telling the difference between what was a living breathing actor from a high tech contraption was part of the surprise.

Your favorites are back as Freddy Kreuger and Leatherface make appearances. At times it seemed Freddy was stalking me from room to room. The most memorable rooms were clearly the "Boiler Room" with a poor victim caged by a malevolent psycho and the "Cabaret of Death". Scantily clad dancers from hell used stripper poles and they were targeting the men. I was asked by a demon pimp if I wanted to take these she-devils home. I asked how much and was told "my soul" (that's way to much for me).

The new gimmicks involved a Wall Crawler who makes full use of his access to scare you and I believe a wolf jungle room as well as a zombie apocalypse that mashes into the mix. I've always liked the Frankenstein room as the bride always puts on a deathly good show. But the highlight as it was last year is the 3D. It's back again but this time it's longer and has a new ending. It's one of the more visually stimulating things one can do and never gets old.

Because Blood Manor is the most popular of the NYC Haunted Houses, the lines are painfully long. The investment of a R.I.P. (VIP) ticket will speed up the process. I've always said, the pacing of Blood Manor has to be addressed. Sometimes if you're too fast, you don't get to enjoy the perks of interacting with the actors and admiring the rooms. You'll sometimes (depending on how scared you are) bump into the group that went ahead of you. If you're to slow, the group behind you catches up. A balance has to be found so that each visitor can get the most out of BM.
With that, you want to actually get scared and with groups of 6, it might be too much humanity as the rooms are that much tighter. I would recommend groups of 4. The problem is they have to get everybody into the haunted house as fast as possible with crowds this large which is understandable. Hopefully they can work the logistics better as Halloween approaches.

Blood Manor is probably the perfect haunt for that group scare. I even saw a maybe 10-13 year old kid so even the whole family can get its chills on. Lots of discounts can be found online and if your a tween, teenager or full grown adult, there is something for everyone at Blood Manor. Remember my suggestions and you'll have a Halloween-tastic time.

The Vitals

• The official site
• Like on Facebook
• Follow on Twitter
• Blood Manor is located at 163 Varick Street (Soho) Subway: 1 Train to Houston St or C/E to Spring St.
• General Admission tickets are $25 online, $35 at the door and R.I.P. tickets are $40
• Blood Manor runs until 11/5/11.
• Special Thanks to Jim Faro, Jimmy Rodriguez and BullsEye PR for their time!
• See more backstage photos of Blood Manor at the jaded viewer Facebook page!
  

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The NYC Haunted House Reviews are coming....

October is right around the corner and the jaded viewer is in full swing to bring you reviews of all the New York City haunted houses. I'm going to try my hardest to hit all these HH's below.

These include:

• Nightmare: Fairy Tales (REVIEW NEXT WEEK!)
• Nightmare: Z Day
  
• Blackout Haunted House (via Vortex Theater)
• Blood Manor
• Steampunk Haunted House
• After Dark: The Haunting (Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum)

I know some of my HH reviews have gotten some NEW jaded viewers to the site. Trust me, I'll go to these crazy f*cke d up place so you don't have to (but I encourage you ALL to go anyway)

So keep checking back here for insights and updates to all these NYC Haunted Houses.

A Disoriented Recollection of NYC Haunted House (Spring Edition)

PROLOGUE

It's not often that on a nice sunny day in May, you get to experience a "haunted house". I say haunted house in quotes because Vortex Theater's NYC Haunted House is not your typical haunted house. What it is, well it's kinda beyond description. But that's a cliched answer I know. Suffice it to say, you're not walking from room to room with actors scaring you . No No. This crew has no need for elaborate sets (though what was to come would change all that), haunted house themes or anything else. There is no giggling, no screaming (well actually there was) and no rushing from room to room. Vortex Haunted House sets up what I am calling "a personal horror interactive experience".

In their spring version which remotely resembles their Halloween version, you go through the experience alone and you can't share the fear with others. In a nutshell, this "haunted house" is more like experiencing an interactive horror anthology composed of disturbing vignettes. The deal is you play the part of the "victim" kinda but not totally like the poor guy or girl who in every horror movie has to suffer at the hands of a insane slasher or a family of sadists. Playing part of the sadists is Vortex Theater. The twist here is you're PAYING for this privilege of being the torturee.

Having experienced NYC Halloween Haunted House last October (full walkthrough here) I believed I had a good grasp of what was to come. But the journey to last Saturday's events was just as fun as the event itself. You can check out the online ARG journal I composed here. This will give you the idea of the e-mails that were sent so you could get an opportunity to take part in this off season event.

So here's the deal. Reading about what happened won't really give you any idea of what it was actually like. I've decided to give you a moment by moment perspective of what was happening and what I was thinking and feeling. Every moment was a WTF moment but each scene seemed to have a designed and desired emotional response they were going for. YOU ARE THE STAR of this horror freakshow and all I can say is I had fun playing Victim #5.

So here we go.

THE EXPERIENCE

Basically I was told to meet at a certain area in Chelsea (a neighborhood in NYC). Greeted by one of the creators I had to sign a waiver/consent form plus read the part of the disclaimer on camera! Clearly, this was more paperwork and consenting from the previous haunt. I stumbled on the word indemnity. I still have no idea what that means.

Once signed, the experience begins. Told to enter the back of a van, I'm greeted by 2 men dressed in black (like they were 60's Batman henchmen). They order me to sit towards the edge of the van. I assume I'm suppose to do something and I keep handing them the keys but they don't move. This game I signed up for is deadly serious to them and they keep in character. Handed a blindfold I wrap it around my head but then am doubly blindfolded and noise cancelling headphones are placed over my ears.

The van ride was rough and as I sat there blindfolded listening to staticky AM radio that echoed throughout the van I have to admit I wondered where exactly we'd be going. It's a disorienting feeling to ride around not knowing the destination. This may be close to a kidnapping feel I may ever get. This little ride around the city was a new twist and it's a good one. I kept my composure and as the van stopped, I knew this was only the beginning.

Told to exit the van (still blindfolded) I was told to follow the sound of my mysterious guides voice to an entrance. The first thought that popped into my head was I must look completely crazy to innocent bystanders who are just walking around the city that day. Here is a kid, blindfolded walking with his arms out like a mummy. The funny thing about partaking in an experience like this is that you still are concerned about how you may look to others. Did I look like a fool to random pedestrians? To the Vortex crew? Of course I looked like a complete moron! It should be the least of your concerns at that moment but the fear of being embarrassed or looking ridiculous is one we have everyday and I'm sure I'd even do a double take if I saw what was happening.

I now enter what I believe is a warehouse and I am told to remove the blindfold. As I do, garage door shutters which were gleaming in pulsating afternoon sunlight were sent crashing down and now I'm in complete darkness. For a second, I felt like I was in the umpteenth Saw sequel. Fuckin Jigsaw. I can see this new space is filled with piles of junk and right in front are 2 more men in cat burglar suits with candles lit in a circular fashion. My initial thoughts were, this looks devilishly Satanic. And on the day of the supposed Rapture, it echoed a little harder.

What they asked me to do next was probably the BIG turning point for all who participated. They asked for me to remove all my clothing and put on a hospital gown and rubber shoes that lay next to it. I sort of hesitated at first and couldn't believe at what I just heard. I knew yelling the safe word was not an option. I had paid a good deal of money to go through this ENTIRE experience and a little case of nudity was not going to derail me from this goal. I undressed, put my clothes into a basket and put on the gown and shoes. After this was done I was told to sit in a chair which lay in the center of a dozen candles. One by one, the men blew out the candles.

What would happen next? I assumed they'd plan a nice mock Satanic ritual here. And my instincts were right. They then smothered a wet, sticky liquid on my arms, legs and neck. It was a little disconcerting as they did this. The liquid was cold, icky and dreadful. Thoughts of Druids and ritual chanting were entering my head. It had to be the horror fan in me developing possible scenarios of what would happen next. But the most distinct feeling that I had was one of being 100% vulnerable to anything. I had no clothes, no cell phone and no level of safety or comfort. Sure I knew this was all an act but 70% of your mind and body start to make it feel real. It's sort of like your dreaming and you know it's a dream but it feels real.

More blindfolds more darkness. Oddly this felt familiar (as it was a gimmick used in the October haunt) But I knew this wouldn't be the same old stuff. Random touching, shoving and yelling. Then nothing. Just silence. It was an iambic pentameter of dread. Ordered to scream. I never ever scream. I scream. I follow orders because that's in the rules. My mind wanders and all I think about are the rules. I'm not suppose to speak. Suddenly I'm hands are handcuffed. My arms are lifted and the handcuffs are on a rope of some kind. My wrists are now getting irritated. It's a uncomfortable position, standing handcuffed to a rope above your head in total darkness. I actually feel slightly scared.

And now I feel a rope around my neck.

I can honestly say this was the first time I felt completely terrified. Something about strangulation doesn't sit well with me. Handcuffed, naked and helpless. I felt for the first time things were out of my control. It's an eerie feeling. 90% of you know it's not real but that pesky 10% is louder than the rest of the voices. Your body is saying "YO DUDE! YOU BEING STRANGLED! YOU SHOULD REALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SHIT!". Who knows if a NYHH production PA had an argument with his significant other and he wants to take it out on strangers. I paid them to strangle me?? I'm a sick motherfucker. Then nothing.

Bust out WTF Moment #2 and all that can be said is I got mouthraped. Yeah you heard that right. Latex gloves, voices telling me to open my mouth and wiggling figures are being inserted down my throat. I start gagging (because HOLY FUCK! it's a reflex action you know?). It seems to go on for a while. Like Dr. Giggles decided to check for cavities. It's a double whammy and it was a convulsion of fear and a bit of anger. But in the back of my mind, I'm clearly impressed by it all. Then silence again and an order to go to the next room.

Holy fuckin rapture, these guys tripled the intensity from last October's haunt. My preconceived notions of mild touching and being lazily pushed around were gone. These guys had gone Hostel 1 and 2 hardcore. They got degrees in asphyxiation and dental surgery. It's not everyday you get actually physically abused. I was completely caught off guard and was a little angry. Somebody does that to you, the first instinct is to retaliate. Emotion and logic were having a field day in my head. This time logic prevailed and I remembered: I PAID FOR THIS.

Now handed a lit candle I enter a next room and am told to sit in a chair. The only light source is my candle and I see a woman, a completely naked woman with dark curly hair staring at me a few feet away. I also hear a sound of an infant, making noises and crying. My first instinct is to see WTF is going on and I put the candle a little closer to the woman. She is dripping blood from all orifices. It's quite a sight (from what I can tell). She movies closer to me and saddles up on top of me. It's like Hostel strip club. She suddenly digs out what I believe to be fetus entrails (wow I can't believe I actually wrote that) and starts to stuff them into my mouth I turn my head and she starts smearing it all over my face.

Probably to a serial killer, this is a very arousing experience but I'm clearly disgusted and grossed out. I am definitely not scared but a little weirded out. In the past haunt, nakedness was displayed in a fucked up Skinemax sort of way. But seeing an impromptu abortion will make even the hardcore gorehound cringe. The fact that this is happening to me front and center has made it feel more real than anything I've ever seen. I've watched countless horror movies and have seen some pretty disturbing shit (newborn porn in A Serbian Film comes to mind) but I'm aghast at being present in a make-believe sexually deviant sideshow. However, in the back of my mind a little part of me is going "Holy fuckin shit, this is fuckin awesome!"

After the unfortunate planned parenthood event, I'm told to head to another section of the funhouse of fucked up funhouses and see a girl push a basket towards me. She is completely naked and only wearing pants from what I can make out. She hands me the lit candle and tells me to put on my clothes. Obviously, my modesty juts its head but Ms. Topless doesn't turn around. I quickly put on a shirt and search frantically for my pants. The naked girl eerily creaks out "Would you like your pants?" I nod my head.

She starts unbuttoning her pants which I now realize are my jeans. I move the lit candle and see that something is written on her stomach right below her breasts. The night before, we had e-mailed NYHH an emergency contact name and number and answered a few questions. I had put down my father's number (you know just in case they electrocuted my balls or some shit and they needed to call somebody because I passed out from the pain). Now scrawled on her stomach was "I fucked [My Dad's name]".

I have to admit, I smirked and giggled a bit. I mean a very hot looking girl who now had removed my jeans and now was completely naked had fucked my dad. It's quite a sight. I mean it's technically not scary. It's a mixture of WTF and peculiar exotica. Clearly, this is not the time to ask hot naked stranger girl if she wants to get some coffee. My mind was clearly focused. I wanted to get dressed. Hell she is probably comfortable being naked in front of strangers in a dark damp warehouse but I'm not. I've got my pants on (unbuckled), my Museum of the Weird - Austin, Texas t-shirt on and a hooded sweatshirt. And that's when I'm rushed out into the blinding light.

I get pushed out of the building and I don't have my sneakers! Also, I'm missing my hat which I now realize somebody has thrown into a fuckin puddle (thanks guys!). My sneaks are dropped in front of me and I'm told to put on my shoes but my eyes are now adjusting to the sunlight having not seen it for what I can tell is about half an hour. I put on my sneakers leaning against the white van seen previously. I am then handed a index card with 3 dots, told to give it to the ice cream man in the green ice cream truck and to get a treat. And it's at this point, I assess the damage.

I've try to straighten myself out. I've got blood on my hands and I can tell it's on my neck and face. My hat is filthy and I try to dust it off. I stand behind another customer (a tall black man) as he orders an ice cream. He's looking at me, then checks out the selection of ice cream. He then checks back at me. I think this dude thought I was going to murder him for his ice cream in broad daylight. I mean what would you think of a man with blood over his mouth, neck at hands was behind you at an ice cream truck?

I get my ice cream (I picked a lemon/lime icee) and was told to walk down the street. I'm not sure where to go next. Suddenly my Spider-sense is tingling and in the corner of my eye I see a dude and takes my ice cream and puts a t-shirt over my head yelling "It's never over!". I'm confused at this point. I have a black t-shirt on my head and a spoon in my right hand. So I walk to the end of the block and enter some sort of feather art exhibit. The art patrons must have been confused by this man who obviously broke out of Bellvue. I walk around the art exhibit and decide to remove the t-shirt from my head which I realize is a shirt with 3 dots on it. Holy shit it's a souvenir!

I figure I should check with the ice cream man for further directions but then I spot a PA who's laughing. I ask him so is it over? He says yes, still chuckling. I realize I have the blindfold in my pocket and give it to him.

Fin.

THE AFTERMATH

Walking home I receive a few looks from the residents of Chelsea. I stare into a parked car's window to see what I must look like and I look awful. I use the t-shirt to wipe away the faux blood but this shit ain't coming off. It's not until I get to a Starbucks do I wash away the last remnants of the mid-spring nightmare.

FINAL THOUGHTS

This is kinda the amped up sequel and it was intense and more crazy just due to the naked thing. Vortex Theater clearly are masters at pushing the boundaries of the supposed "haunted house". It's a psychological mind fuck within a pseudo snuff experience. The content NYHH came up with were sick and twisted. The actors and especially the actresses must be from a cast of fringe theater to muster this performance. But kudos to them. They all acted as menacing and as crazy and their performances were again top notch.

If I am calling Vortex Theater sick and twisted I must say the same has to be said about me and my fellow 19 participants. We volunteered and paid for complete strangers to torture us. I feel like all 20 of us lucky (unlucky?) participants should meet and go through therapy. "Hi my name is XXX and I'm addicted to paying to be tortured and humiliated by a group of strangers."

So who's really more sick and twisted?

But I did have a few gripes. I felt it lacked the POW! factor from October. Maybe it's because last year was my first NYHH but there were a few elements in that experience that worked so well. Crawling down a tube with a supposed dead body which was scary the first time wasn't part of the Spring haunt. Also, I'm not sure what the point of the blood was. To freak out people as I walked home?

Also in October, you were told to grab a rope to help guide you in the darkness. Somehow, this served a purpose psychologically. The participant seemed to have a initiative within the house. Something we could latch on to. What the Spring event seemed to lack was a sense of involvement or motivation. People love to figure something out on their own. An ARG so to speak. If I had a chance to navigate on my own with possible clues of what to do next, I would have felt like I was a real VICTIM of this twisted nightmare. Instead, I was moved from place to place. I just expected a little more creativity on what I needed to do within the experience, like something for us to do to make it feel like we were motivated to escape from this warehouse of horrors. Maybe some made up back story?... I just don't know.

Finally, was the nakedness needed? It did up the ante and make you feel as vulnerable as you could be. I did feel helpless. Being partially naked, handcuffed to a rope and being strangled was the most terrifying part of the entire thing for me. But in this germ-phobic society of ours, one can ask was everything completely sanitary? I hope so. I wouldn't change the gratuitous nudity on either side (I'm all for it!) but it's a little disconcerting and you have to trust everything was on the up and up.

As for an overall feel, it's top notch. Audience participation at its most extreme. I loved the fact I was playing a part in this interactive horror movie. The 20 of us who paid for this must be insane but that's kind of why we went. As for the execution, some of it was stellar (the van, the security gate, the handcuffed naked strangulation (i can't believe i just wrote that). They do know how to startle you with gratuitous nudity.

NYCHH made a true horror sequel. More extreme rules, more gore, more splatter, more gratuitous nudity and more psychological mind fucks. It's an experience I won't soon forget. I've already told my friends and they all don't believe that this really happened.

Am I still dreaming? They did say it's never over.

The top is still spinning.

Oh fuck.

For more information on Vortex Theater's NYC Halloween Haunted House check out the links below.

• The Jaded Viewer's Review of Blackout Haunted House (2011) (NEW!)
  
• The Jaded Viewer's Review of NYC Halloween Haunted House (2010)
• Walkthrough and Spoilers
• Official Site
• Facebook Page