Top 5 Action Movies of 2010

Ahh, the first list of many to come for yours truly, the jaded viewer. Actually, this is a Top 5 Action Movies I SAW in 2010. I can already hear I left out this movie and that movie. So I just had to clarify. This is all solid mainstreamy flicks that were filled with alpha male artillery shells and explosions galore.

And one that had me toppling over....seriously for real (pun so intended).

Click on the title to read my full review. Well on to the list!


5.) The Tournament

The moment I saw the premise of The Tournament I was like this is an awesome idea. Throw in the poor town that has to hold a tournament of the world's best assassins and you got all hell breaks loose.

Starring Ving Rhames, Kelly Hu and other familiars you'll be rocking and rolling through this mish mosh of guns and sniping and car chases.

The assassins just don't kill each other, they fuck each other up beyond recognition. In this new age of action flicks (as Rambo illustrated beautifully) it's not just capping yr ass, it's obliterating the enemy.

The Tournament is an apex in action porn, where guns are blazing, body counts are mounting and parkour and martial arts are needed to win and be called the greatest assassin ever.

4.) The Expendables

The Expendables was the most hyped up action movie of the year. The Big Three was suppose to turn every alpha male action fan into drooling idiots.

The movie wasn't perfect but it showed we can check the egos and put an all star cast of action heroes and still make a good action flick.

I mean the plot is a little contrived and Stallone a little slow but Jason Statham steals the show and is probably the air apparent of the action movie (umm he's not in any Disney movies that I know of)

Seeing Jet Li and Dolph and Stone Cold and Terry Crews reminded me of the original Predators. Just massive huge men kicking and annihilating entire countries.

Good times.


3.) Machete

They say Danny Trejo has played a killer in 62 movies. He's played a rapist in 25 movies. And he's played a killer who is a rapist in 19 movies. Talk about being typecast.

But that's all over now for Danny Trejo. He is Machete and boy can he fuck up people badly as a good guy as he does a bad guy. Machete is mega-tastic and hits on all cylinders. As a grindhouse/exploitation film, as an action film and as a comedy. It even works as Skinemax!

It's bar none one of the best movies this year. Full of the Times Square grindyness I adore it has so many WTF moments you can't help but fuckin applaud. Robert Rodriguez takes the Tarantino formula into exteeeminess, pure of adrenaline knife slaughter, side Jessica Alba boobage and a stoned out Lindsay Lohan.

I will never think of intestines the same way again.


2.) Inception

Inception is probably the best movie of the summer blockbusters. It's made like a bajillion dollars already and the critics are dry humping this movie.

Sure not your traditional "action movie" but it did have your standard heist plot colored in within dreams. Car chases, shootouts and mind tripping layers and you got an action cinema for the mind.

It's a thinking man's movie filled with ideas and layers and more layers. But at its core, Inception is original and different. So many movies these days are remakes, sequels or stories from other mediums.

Christopher Nolan wrote the story over 8 years or so and though it draws from what's been done before, it's cleverly unique. Don't call it The Matrix meets something.
I hate when critics do that.


1.) Kick-Ass

This is one of the best movies of 2010.

Kick Ass kicks so much fuckin ass, I wanted to put on some spandex, fight crime and spew witty vulgarities with my 11 yr old female cousin dressed as Hit Girl. Which brings us to why Kick Ass is awesome-tastic.

It's not the titular character that blows you away (though he does have his hilarious moments) but it's Hit Girl, the potty mouth pre-pubescent tween daughter of Big Daddy (Nic Cage doing his best Adam West impersonation) that steals the show. Chloe Moretz is so fantastic as Hit Girl you sincerely believe she loves ice cream sundaes and switchblades and can assassinate an army of mafiosos with a blink of an eye.

Never has a little girl been so lethal with guns, yo yo string MacGyver devices and a blade.

Kick-Ass turned the superhero genre upside down and had fun doing it. You won't see anything like it again...until Kick-Ass 2.

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I only saw a handful of action movies this year. I did miss a few. So let me know what was your favorite action movie of 2010.

The WTF List: Inception

The summer movies are in full swing and without a doubt Inception is probably going to be the best movie of the summer blockbusters. It's almost made like a bajillion dollars already and the critics are dry humping this movie. Color me interested.

So Inception had to be seen to see what the fuss was all about. And it is indeed freakin awesome.
It's a thinking man's movie filled with ideas and layers and more layers. But at its core, Inception is original and different. So many movies these days are remakes, sequels or stories from other mediums. Christopher Nolan wrote the story over 8 years or so and though it draws from what's been done before, it's cleverly unique. Don't call it The Matrix meets something. I hate when critics do that.

So I bring you a WTF List within a WTF List. Oh its gonna get trippy.

1.) I will always think of Leo DiCaprio as Luke, the homeless kid Kirk Cameron adopts on Growing Pains (but I do think he is a solid actor and I usually buy into the characters he plays)
2.) The # of Dark Knight returning actors is a little much
3.) Well things are getting a little Matrixy
4.) The falling down/water "kick" is completely real (I usually wake up when I feel like I'm falling in a dream)
5.) The thing about Ellen Page is she seems like somebody you'd actually like to hang out with, whereas the wife (Marion Cotillard) you'd just want 10 minutes with (if you know what I'm saying)
6.) Joseph Gordon-Levitt is no longer Tommy from 3rd Rock to me anymore. Ever since I saw him in Brick, the dude can freakin act.
7.) Michael Cane could be in a KFC commercial and it would win Best Picture
8.) Shit's flipping and flopping and its just seamless CGI. Nothing looks too computer generaty.
9.) Obviously, you have to watch and listen closely to understand what's happening. I did. But the other jabronis in the theater are fuckin retarded. Jabronis can only compute: Hot girl, big explosions and celebrity sighting. How in the world will they understand Inception????
10.) It's a heist movie but in dreams. It gets a little complicated, I thought I needed to put what I saw seeing in a Powerpoint graph.
11.) SPOILER (sorta) Airplane (real!) Van chase (Dream 1) Hotel (Dream 2) Snow Mountains (Dream 3) The buildings crumbling you saw in the trailer (Limbo). Got that?
12.) I turned back to see how everybody was enjoying the flick and there were 90% faces of confusion. I'm going to conclude they are gonna so IMDB after they watch the flick so they can explain to their friends how cool it was because they didn't understand it in the first place.
13.) The subconscious is full of some heavy weaponry and lots of car chases and explosions
14.) Upon retrospect, this is how the movie plays out:

• Ending of the movie is at the beginning,
• The tutorial for us the audience
• Recruitment of heisters
  
• We are told what the fuck "Inception" actually is
  
• Recon
• The Heist
• Leo's choice
• The wildly ambiguous ending!

15.) I came to the realization after seeing this movie that I missed a few things and I'll probably have to watch it again to "get them"
16.) Sneaking into Inception a half hour in or an hour in would be super pointless.
17.) The few jokes that were sporadic...worked
18.) I hope to visit Limbo one day....seems kinda awesome
19.) The movie had to end with a wildy non solid ambigious ending...I called it before the movie started.
20.) Here's my take on the ending (SPOILERS!!!!!)...............









He's still dreaming. We didn't see Cobb waking up from the others dreams (limbo, snowy world, hotel or the van). We saw Ariadne "wake up" from each different dreamscape. All we saw was him wake up on the plane. The fact that he still sees his kids the way he saw him in his dreams says he's still dreaming.

Of course I could be wrong as the spinning top looked like it was about to fall (which is the way he knows he's not dreaming). It's open ended but that's my theory.

All of Nolan's films have ended with a little downer and I don't think Inception ending with everything working out. He's still dreaming and I'm sticking with it.

Rating:

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But than again, this is not really a WTF List of Inception. You're actually dreaming your reading this in front of your computer (what the hell kind of dream is this?) Or do you really think your reading this review of Inception and think its in reality.

You're still dreaming.

WAKE UP!!!!