The Best Quotey Quotables from the Worst Movies I saw in 2010

Everybody has their worst of 2010 lists. Seriously, so much crappy flicks seem to have come out this year. I can't really make a worst of list because I actually didn't see these horrible films. Sure it would have been fun to butcher and make fun of these flicks, but why torture myself. I'm not a sadist.

In any case, I did see some UGH, SIGH and OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! flicks and I've pulled the best quotey quotables from those reviews.

So enjoy some quote snippets from the crap chunks of 2010 that made me smash a few walls with my head. The jaded viewer exits 2010 with a LOL. Enjoy!

***********************************************************

"But at the end of the day, it's a low budget bait and switch propaganda shockfest that says I'm blood drenched insanity when its more of an 70 minute death metal music video instead."

-from The Back Room Review

"It does get a little cheesy at times, where the characters are completely ACME cartoon cutouts or Skinemax parody movies. It really does feel like one of those Skinemax movies where the pseudo porn stars play secret agents or horny aliens looking for men to prey on."

-from Bitch Slap Review

"I mean it stars Dominic Purcell. And if your watching a movie with him in it, there is a 100% guarantee he's going to punch somebody in the face."

-from Blood Creek Review

"Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button!"

-from The Box Review

"The acting is a little cheesy....How do you make up for this? Add boobs!"

-from Brainjacked Review

"The boobs make their first appearance. They're real and they're spectacular!"

"Jeez jlove's [Jennifer Love Hewitt] cleavage are weapons of mass erections"

"These are the hottest massage therapists ever."

"Omg its a montage of jlove boobs in lingere...this is unfreakinbelievable"

"Jlove's boobs are hooked on coke....omg the cops just busted in! (Pun so intended)"

"Only 30 days in jail for whoring...way to go jloves boobs!"

-from The Client List starring Jennifer Love Hewitt Live Tweet

"Is there a website where I can learn to make these awesome traps? Say deathtrapsforbeginners.com?"

-from The Collector Review

"Holy hamburger phone! Juno is alive!!....The girl we wanted to die is alive and she's now freakin an expert crawler assassin."

-from The Descent 2 Review

"Yes, I'm actually calling Dread a diet version of Martyrs."

-from Dread Review

"The title is indeed indicative of what you get. Couldn't somebody just give our bunny a carrot?"

-from Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! Review

"The best way to describe The Final is its Saw 90210. In a typical suburban high school, a group of self aware misfits and outcasted teens devise a plan (based on horror movies, oh how self aware!) to take revenge on the jocks, popular douchbags and mean girls. Inviting them to a costume party, the partygoers are drugged and when they wake up are cuffed and chained together. Suffice it say, our teen outcasts are gonna get medieval"

-from The Final Review

"How could a movie that consisted of hot girls in tank tops with bouncy cleavage and two horror titans, Bill Moseley and Tony Todd end up a worthless pile of crap? The Graves is completely clichéd, annoying, repetitive and cheesy. And that's me being nice."

-from The Graves Review

"It's your typical Hollywood fare, but you know...more Koreany."

-from Tidal Wave Review

"What we do have here is a slow burn, drawn out psychological drama that is amped with so many clichés it could be labeled “GENERIC SUSPENSE FILM” by the Dharma Initiative. After Dark is famous for adding these types of films to its lineup and passing them off as “international horror”. Sigh."

-from Hidden Review

"However, at the end of the day the movie is a wicked slow slow slow burn. It takes so long to get to the nitty gritty that no Red Bulls were helping to keep me awake."

-from The House of the Devil Review

"Manhater is a supernatural pseudo rape and revenge movie pure and simple. Have I ever seen a supernatural women scorn revenge film? Nope. This is what makes it different and also interesting to watch. It's not without its flaws in story, sometimes laughable FX and stiff actors. But hey, it's got a porn star on the cover and its got gore and that gets at least a half a spinkick in my book."

-from Manhater Review

"So who is this girl on the cover? Her name is Aya, some mystical assassin with kick ass sword skills that by pressing "X" alot with "square" enables her to slaughter the attacking zombie hordes. "

-from OneChanbara Review

"OK so we got a Ruskie, a Yakuza, an ex Con, token blood diamond slavemaster, Israeli sniper hottie, Eric from That 70s Show and Brody. Odds token black guy dies first. 2:1."

-from Predators Review

"The one thing I’ll say about The Reeds is, well it had actual planty like reeds. As for the movie itself, it’s a muddy boggy creek. In other words, a complete mess."

-from The Reeds Review

"Temptation has hot British chicks with red contact lenses and plastic dollar bin fangs."

-from Temptation Review

"I had to watch this over the course of 3 days as I was getting bored every 20 minutes. That's how irritating this film was. I mean seriously, the film had one death in the entire thing. ONE!"

-from TMA aka Darkness Review

"Thora birch is looking oldish and she's on an american wrestling team? And they are in bratislava! E europe is like the w virginia of europe"

-from Train Live Tweet

...........And finally the best quotables from the WORST HORROR MOVIE OF THE YEAR comes from the A Nightmare on Elm Street remake.

"Wow, New Freddy killed a dog. You so badass New Freddy."

"Why does this Joy Division wearing t-shirt motherfucker look like the douche from Twilight?"

"Micronapping is the "new twist" in this. It's blending reality and dream world. I was micronapping while watching this flick. I also took a shit while watching this flick."

"Also, they had a mirror scare/false alarm cliche in here as well. Jeezus you fucks are lazy."

"I hate remakes. I hate Platinum Dunes. I hate New Freddy. I hate New Nancy. I hate micro-naps. I hate this movie."

****************************************************

What's your worst horror movie of 2010? Got any quotey quotables you want to add from some not so good movies this year? Comment away!

Happy New Year to all you jaded viewers!!!

The Best Quotey Quotables from the Worst Movies I saw in 2009

I didn't see many of the considered worst movies of 2009. I realized that it would be a waste of money and I would go home with a serious headache if I had to endure 90 minutes of crap. So I didn't see Halloween 2, The Unborn and countless others.

I did go see a few of the Hollywood remakes and straight to DVD crap that came out and so I compiled a list of quotes of the worst movies of 2009 I did see. My advice to you is to avoid these movies at all costs. Sometimes the cover art looks good, possibly a hot chick on the cover looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, but in reality its 90 minutes of a girl looking at herself in the mirror.

Enjoy these LOLs quotes from the worst movies of 2009!

"Think of Against the Dark as the poor, bastard cousin of I am Legend. It's like 28 Days Later but with horrible acting, reusable vampire stuntmen and stuntwomen and Seagal barely lifting his sword in any action scenes."

-from Against the Dark Review

"These wasps don't have any creativity in them. All they came up with were sudden attacks in a house or an attack in the farmland which is lame. These motherfuckin wasps should be attacking teenagers while they are having sex. Or better yet stinging in unison some newborn or some 105 yr old grandma whose bolting on her walker."

-from Black Swarm Review


"She's so distraught by her mommy's death, she starts seeing hot blondes in Victoria Secret lingere. I wish that would happen to me when I'm sad."

-from Born Review

"Well she pushed the button which of course had to happen or there wouldn't be a movie right? I mean what would happen if she didn't? Would we watch a flick where Cameron Diaz went to work, has to choose b/w 2 different guys and hilarity ensues (like all her chick flick movies)"

-from The Box Review

3.) Your leg is now completely broken and you can have your wife do one of two things...

Send her to get help all alone and leave you to probably die a slow and painful death. Turn to page 76.

Have her amputate your leg with a rusty knife (yeah it's going to hurt a fuckin lot). Turn to page 54.

-from The Canyon Review

"I did mention the CGI was hilariously bad right? There are two scenes that make this milk coming out of your nose funny.....The other scene is a supposed explosion of a cabin. The CGI fire and explosion look so fake, it's like they put a lighter in front of the camera."

-from Dismal: Eat or Be Eaten Review

"So as our 3 really dumb Brit chicks accept an offer from some rich, young Brit dudes to go aboard their yacht and do drugs, you can see this is going to Natalie Holloway into really bad fuckedupness."

-from Donkey Punch Review

"Really? 3 different endings in a span of 6 minutes? Pick one already!"

-from Dying Breed Review

"WTF?!?!? You never see the slasher run. EVER!!! He ALWAYS runs off screen to get ahead of the would be victim. That's why Jason would always be breathing heavily. Yeah I know he ran in Part 3 but its unfuckinbelievable they messed this shit up. It's in the fuckin slasher handbook."

-from Friday the 13th Remake Review

"It's a PG-13 rash of suicides movie. I didn't think that was even possible...."

-from From Within Review

"Is there a scene where one of them says "We can lose him in the woods."?.....When has a victim fodder ever thought they could outrun a killer in the woods? I mean honestly."

-from Gnaw Review

"The dialogue is cluttered with every vulgarity and sexual nastiness you can think of. Blowtorch mediaval torture. What else can I say?"

from Hanger Review

"It literally was 90 minutes of the dude acting nuts. Sure you can bang some Euro chick and then add a twist ending. But seriously, how does one get funding for a lame Shining ripoff."

-from Killing Ariel Review

"Let me say this. I've never seen a bog. Seems like a puddle of muddy water to me. How you can possibly justify a movie about bog bodies coming to life is unfuckinbelievable."

-from Legend of the Bog Review

"Also, after a while I got used to the 3D and it loses it's novelty....By the end, it started giving me a headache. And it's not like the 3D is that amazing. I was kinda expecting the stuff to literally fly out of the screen like in the commercial. I had read that the 3D gore would 'kick my ass', and the 3D nudity was so good, I could "cop a feel". Shit would change my life. Not quite."

-from Insano Steve's My Bloody Valentine 3D Review


"But remember, this is a man vs nature theme and both husband and wife take part in "messing with nature". From killing ants, throwing plastic bags and beer bottles into the ocean, to smashing eagle's eggs, they are the environment's public enemy #1. The final straw is broken when Peter kills a sea cow with his rifle. You just don't mess with sea cows."

-from Nature's Grave Review

"The fight scenes are badly executed, the dialogue a little cheesy and the costumes look like they were bought at a less than a dollar store."

-from Jack Ketchum's Offspring Review

"The reveal/twist lasts for 20 minutes! OMG, it was such overkill I can't believe they actually did that. We flashback into all the subtle conversation hints YOU should have picked up on while eating your $6 bag of popcorn."

-from A Perfect Getaway Review

"A few of the kill scenes are basic, nothing I'm writing Fangoria about."

-from Perkins 14 Review

Cruelaity #1: Alan (a staff member) ridicules and belittles Ronnie at every moment.
The Comeback Kill: Alan becomes the unfortunate victim of penis fishing as his wanker is ripped off by some fishing line attached to a jeep. (that's gonna be some bait!)

-from Return to Sleepaway Camp Review

"After a walking tour of a festival, their tour guide Ping abandons them in the middle of Nowhere, China. You’d think a country filled with a billion people would not have any nowheres. But you’d be wrong."

-from Seventh Moon Review

"The horrible filler of bad acting, from moonshine dialogue and hunting references, can't be ignored. The attacks by our Wild Man make a SyFy channel original movie look like a masterpiece."

-from Wild Man of the Navidad Review

"But that's where it slowly tumbles downhill. But that's not to say the tumble isn't fun. The thing about Wrong Turn 3 is your enjoying yourself while all the characters start dropping one by one. At the bottom of the hill however is a pile of corpses and you can't believe you actually witnessed this stinking pile of crap."

-from Wrong Turn 3 Review

Hope you enjoyed that quoteable quotes list. Don't worry, my Best Horror Movies of 2009 list will be posted later this week!