The Cabin in the Woods (Review)

The Cabin in the Woods

The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Directed by Drew Goddard
Written by Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon

The Cabin in the Woods was suppose to come out on February 5th 2010. It didn't. The poster and trailer were released December of last year. We had to wait 2+ years for this to come out. As a hoarder and fanboy of all that is Whedon, I was getting annoyed and was losing any hope that this movie was ever going to be released. They delayed it to 3D it. Joss and Drew cried foul. Would we ever see this???

And yes we all would. But as April 13th approached, I knew Cabin would be my must see movie of the year. I was having Whedon withdrawal and even though he was giving us Avengers, it was mainstream Joss. With CITW, we were getting vintage Joss. Teamed with Drew Goddard (a Buffy/Angel alum writer/director) we were going to get the answer to that age old question...

"What would happen if Joss Whedon (and Drew Goddard) wrote a horror movie?"

And beyond my wildest expectations, The Cabin in the Woods is the best horror movie of 2012. To go even further, it probably is the best horror comedy of the last 10 years. My fellow jaded viewers, CITW is better than Scream (sorry Wes) and all its bastard children. Tucker and Dale vs Evil hinted towards a meta aware horror comedy but CITW goes lights years beyond that.

Simply and concisely summarized, Cabin is a meta self aware revolutionary horror comedy that takes those structured horror cliches, be it the stereotypical characters, the irrational choices, the set direction and the mythos and goes all man behind the curtain on it. Joss and Drew go all Wizard of Oz-ing on the horror genre and it's so brilliant, so awesome and so fucking clever you will leave the theater in a state of pure happy happy joy joy bliss and understand why #CabinintheWoodsisEPIC was trending on Twitter.

It's a horror reference machine, sending you cameos, trends and cliches a mile a minute and it asks you to get it. Do you get it? Do you understand the parody of what you're seeing? You don't? Then go ask somebody. Go watch the Universal classics, the slasher franchises, the Kubrick masterpiece. Then you'll understand why Cabin is going to spawn it's own genre and some bastard children of it's own.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Five friends go for a break at a remote cabin in the woods, where they get more than they bargained for. Together, they must discover the truth behind the cabin in the woods.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Of course, the movie is about 5 friends who go to a cabin in the woods. But in the opening scene (in classic Whedon fashion) the twist which is SUPPOSE to be in the middle of the film is the one that starts you off. Any way of plot points and spoilers will ruin the movie for you so I will now not mention much of it (like CTK @ Planet of Terror did in his review). What I will do is answer my standard Q&A when I review a slasher film (because I'm jack full of spaz tuna) and also go in a bonus round, let's cyberchat in the comments. Go, go gadget Q&A!

1.) Does the movie have..... a mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher?

Check...and it has so much more that I'm getting giddy and a horror boner talking about it.

2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity?

Check. Rated R motherfucker. They're real and they're spectacular.

3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures with a few old people who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?

Check. A blonde bimbo slut, a stoner "fool", the dumb jock, the smart guy and your standard prepackaged final "virgin" girl. Oh how you will howl with laughter at Fran Kranz's performance as Marty, the stoner. He spews Whedon-logue as good as Xander Harris.

4.) No Plot?

It's really a trick question as of course there is a plot and it's fuckin awesome. When you drank a can of New Coke, you know it's just a version of the original formula. Oh how I love the original formula. Classic Coke with a twist of sassy.

5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"

Check. You will yell out in delight and make a mess in your pants. You will see a lot of fanboy O faces.

6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, hatchet frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem?

Check. There are LOL scenes of WTF by the various "things". The blood and splatter are top notch. Lots of everything I said above with a point that may impale your brain. Hint hint.

7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends the hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)

Wow. Joss get out of my head. This describes our stoner Marty to a tee. Though the legend is more of the "Here is what the fuck is going on" to his friends and the audience. Marty is using is sight beyond sight. That's the real power of weed.

8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)

Check. The Whedonesque dialogue complete with Buffy speak is as always fuckin brilliant. Sure, "teenagers" are spewing dialogue written by 30 and 40 somethings but it has always worked when done by the Whedon players. The jokes are spot on timely and hilariously LOL. The play on words and reverse logic make it all the more fun. It's dialogue and conversation that is probably written in a conventional way and then Whedon-ized to make it funny. Remember, Joss actually talks like this.

9.) Gratuitous cameos of horror legends (a famous man of the box, classic Universal monsters, Kubrick tweens) that make you flash a metal sign and do the Beavis and Butthead pseudo head nodding.

Check. SPOILER ALERT!!! This link here will give you all the info you need.

9a.) Final girl goes all final girly?

Check. But it's the final girl we see at the end playing "Le Director" that you'll be cheering for.

10.) Wildly ambiguous ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?

Actually...well.....ummm....no?

************************************************************

The Cabin in the Woods will be remembered as a game changer in the world of horror. It's a horror movie within the making of a horror movie. The Whedon elements are pure mythological magic, where he introduces something new to an audience that has long forgotten or chosen to forget why we all love the horror genre.

Goddard and Whedon break down into the slasher formula and ask the questions we've all asked before, during and after the movie. We've always questioned character motivations, absurd coincidences, elaborate backstory and heroic save the day moments but never has it been put in a movie so brilliantly and with such style and and LOL zingers.

A new generation of millennials has now been introduced us to the topsy turvy world of Hellmouth 101.

Nude-ipedia

A spectacular pair of mangoes

Gore-ipedia

Mucho slaughter via slasher weaponry
Mucho victim fodder via various slasher methodology

WTF moment

SPOILER ALERT!!! (scroll over to see)
----> (I'll never see unicorns the same again)

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The Cabin in the Woods is clearly the film to beat as best horror movie of 2012. So many Buffy/Angel/Dollhouse alum I was oozing Whedonesque Fanboy-isms like a motherfucker. Everybody go see this movie. NOW. Drop what you're doing and see it now. Why are you still reading this?

Rating:


Check out the trailer.

Happy Town has hot women, good food and magicians!

Once in a while, you say to somebody..."Oh, I'd be more than happy to do that!"

How can you be "More than happy?" To me, this sounds like a dangerous mental condition!

"We had to put Dave in the mental home!"
"He was... whoa...."
"More than happy!"

-George Carlin

I always loved that quote from George Carlin. How can you be more than happy? Somebody lock anybody who is more than happy immediately!

Somehow watching Happy Town, ABC's new TV show reminded me of that awesome Carlin bit. So as this show has a tinge of horror in it, I figured I'd give my thoughts after watching the pilot episode entitled "In This Home On Ice". And what better way to review a new show with by doing a WTF List!

Can you smell the freshly baked awesomeness?

Here we go.

1.) Ice fishing...because middle America loves beer, guns and ice fishing
2.) He totally nailed it!
3.) Holy Hostel lovers! It's Laura German from Hostel 2!
4.) Holy Whedon-holics! It's Amy Acker from Dollhouse and Angel!
5.) Holy Parker Can't Lose! It's the fat, big guy....the fat, big guy dude!
6.) Oooooooooh its a mysterious halo question mark sign...I'm shitting in my pants
7.) It's the guy from Wings!
8.) People seem to have gone missing in Haplin....wait Magic who? Damn you Magic Johnson!
9.) It's the guy from Jurassic Park and Event Horizon!
10.) 3rd floor is off limits....please go to the 3rd floor!
11.) Representing the token black guy: Bunny Colvin! (aka the guy from The Wire!)
12.) Oh that teenage bullying angst!
13.) Gratuitous investigative red herring
14.) Sheriff is suffering from some sort of too much happy!
15.) These women are like desperate housewives from the 1930s

16.) Well everybody has a mysterious back story...sheriff, Jurassic Park guy and now the girl from Hostel
17.) Sheriff has gone nuts...he needs to take a chill pill
18.) Ooooooh semi twist that makes no sense because we don't know anything about the story or what the hell is going on
19.) See that's the problem with mystery shows....you get thrown into the deep end and you hope the viewers get hooked early on...if they don't your totally screwed and canceled in a heartbeat.
20.) Let me just say all these young actresses on this show are super duper hot...it could keep me watching this show before it gets canceled next week.

Well there ya go. Will Happy Town even last until tomorrow? I'm not sure. I kinda think its "ehhhh" so far. I mean its visual female yumminess, a little Leave it to Beaver meets X-Files and its got its own mythos and that's all from the first episode.

Hmmm I figured it out. The Magic Man is the Smoke Monster! Nice crossover ABC!

Well in any case, ABC give it a chance. Lost is ending, what else you got really?

Dollhouse Series Finale "Epitaph 2: The Return" (Review)

My previous reviews of the last 6 episodes can be found on UGO.com:

• "The Hollow Men"
• "Getting Closer"
• "The Public Eye" and "The Left Hand"
• "Meet Jane Doe and "A Love Supreme"
• This review will also be on UGO.com as well
  

And like that.....it was gone

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he was gone.”

Will anybody remember that a show called Dollhouse aired on TV for 2 seasons on Fox? Probably not. In the not so distant future we may have a few people who will recall something about a show with imprinted personalities, but like a reality star celebrity, those will disappear from the public consciousness in a nano second.

But like Echo remembering a fallen Paul in the series finale, I’ll remember. Though Dollhouse is not the caliber of Joss Whedon previous efforts, Dollhouse will be Whedon’s 4th best show on his TV resume. It had its moments of action, Zen and humor but will somehow be remembered as a return to TV that was over hyped, full of ratings disaster and ultimately cut short. My gut feeling is that we won’t see the end of Whedon from TV, but instead we’ll get a self imposed hiatus that will last what will seem like an eternity to us Whedon is our Master fanatics.

So what did Dollhouse bring us in its series finale Epitaph 2: The Return? Lots of closure in a sense without the closing credit “Where are they now?” text. But it seems most of Epitaph 2 was full of relationships that somehow were neatly bow tied for us die hards to consume. It’s a very disjointed series finale where if it were *gasp* 2 hours, maybe we’d see the end of some monumental storylines. These include Boyd and Clyde 2.0 as the Big Bads being completely ignored as well as how the tech got in the hands of evil. But Joss decided that, like all his shows the storyline and overarching plot were not the important aspects of the show. He focused on the characters and that’s where we break it down.

Mag and Zone

Mag (Felicia Day) and Zone (Zach Ward) reprise their roles in the post apocalyptic mind wiped world from Epitaph One. With little mini Caroline in tow they are captured, sent to Neuropolis (originally Tucson) and thus get to meet la resistance. The glimpses of this future make Book of Eli look realistic. Cities look like Detroit and the public are acting as if American Idol just got cancelled.

But throughout this episode Mag and Zone become full members of the resistance. Felicia Day gives a top notch performance and probably should have been a regular on the show as her screen presence is Dr. Horrible awesome. It’s a fitting conclusion for these 2 and if we could rewind, Epitaph One SHOULD have been the pilot and we could have had flash forwards seeing there future with the Dollhouse present. That would have been a better direction to go.

Sierra and Victor

Our Xander and Anya couple are having career choice marital problems in this episode. Sierra/Priya is raising their son little Tony in a non tech utopia while Victor/Tony is now a full fledge member of the Tech head Mad Max Road warriors (complete with NFL shoulder pads and techy jewelry). As both go and make the road trip to help the resistance, Victor makes the choice his comrades don’t want to. He abandons the tech that’s made them Six million dollar specials and reunites with his wife and son.

Dichen Lachman and Enver Gjokaj have been the unsung heroes of the show and whatever conflict they had gets easily resolved with less than adequate screen time. Gjokaj’s performances in Season 2 have been stellar (most notably his “Topher”) and Lachman in a scene with Eliza Dushku gives her best performance.

It’s a family reunion for these misfits of science.

Adelle and Topher

Adelle and Topher play the rather obvious mom and son relationship to the max here. It’s been subtle but both Olivia Williams and Fran Kranz have done their best to keep it that way. Topher is cuckoo crazy but his genius brain invents the tech to cure all the Actives and revert them back to the way they were. But it’s Williams as Adelle that plays mommy to Topher, consoling him and shouldering some of the burden he has gone through. Topher has been my favorite character on the show (as he’s the most nerdy and pop culture savvy of the cast) and here he turns all Dr. Sam Beckett serious to leap from life to life, fixing what went wrong. Dying in an explosion with his deux ex machina tech he recites to Adelle before he activates it and says: “I don’t want to cause anymore pain”. His death, one of 2 in this episode, hit me the hardest.

Echo and Paul

What didn’t hit me hard was Paul’s very abrupt death in a lackluster gun battle. Tahmoh Penikett’s Paul Ballard had many changes to his character that I just decided not to care anymore. From dedicated rogue FBI agent, to Echo’s Handler, there just seemed to be too much two face in Paul. Adding to the fact that so much time was dedicated to the innuendo of Echo and Ballard that it was somewhat surprising to see a scene dedicated to Echo mourning his untimely death. Eliza Dushku for the first time shows off a very emotional performance as she comes to grips with her lonely life.

Paul tells Echo that she really hasn’t opened up to him since they’ve been together and than seeing her feel guilt for not telling him how she felt was witnessing the evolution of Echo. Dushku had often played Echo as Buffy but without the emotional baggage. Here we finally see Echo “feel” human. In the final ultimate last scene, Echo is united with Paul via an imprint wedge and they finally are together (well in her mind anyway) and the last shot is Echo sleeping in the Dollhouse bunk, smiling.

Miscellaneous Tidbits of Bits

Alan Tudyk makes a cameo as Alpha, now a resistance member who fashions the Dollhouse back the way it was. Summer Glau also cameos via video footage so that Topher can say goodbye. Maurissa Tancharoen played Kilo, one of Victor’s Road Warrior tech heads. She is married to Jed Whedon and was also a writer on Dollhouse.

It’s time for a one final treatment

Epitaph 2: The Return resulted in some world saving, some families reunited, some unfortunate sacrifices and true love for one. It’s far from a perfect series finale but more of a dedication to Joss Whedon to the fanbase that the characters of the show are what matters most. Whedon didn’t want us to speculate on the fate of our characters and we should be thankful we got closure on all of them.

In the end, Dollhouse will be remembered as a show that took an idea from Eliza and Joss, evolved it and brought back one of the geniuses of modern day TV back to the medium. However, even a genius can make something that backfires. What started out as a good idea turned into a total misfire. Hey, ask Topher Brink about that. He knows exactly how Joss Whedon feels.

Dollhouse "Getting Closer (TV Review)

If you've been an avid reader of this blog, you know I've been reviewing Dollhouse for UGO.com. Well that's sadly coming to a close as the series is down to 2 more episodes after this one. It's funny that now, Dollhouse is getting uber awesome, packing in characters that I adore and plot twists that have you scratching your head and high fiving at the same time, its all coming to an end.

I NEED MY WHEDON!!! HE IS MY MASTER NOW!!

So over the next few weeks, I'm going in depth-y and will splurge my thoughts, theories and overall excitement for Dollhouse.

You can read my latest review over at UGO.com for the episode "Getting Closer".

P.S. I had a nerdgasm when Amy Acker, Eliza Dushku, Summer Glau, Dichen Lachman and Liza Lapira all appeared in this episode. Yummy.

Dollhouse (Reviews of the last 4 episodes)

I've been a little mainstreamy this week and I really don't know why. Well actually I do. December is the month where I try to catch up on all my Hollywood horror movie viewing so I can create a solid Top 10 horror movies of 2009 list. So I've been trying to view all the stuff I missed or is being released on DVD.

But I've been tubing it up as well. If you haven't noticed, I'm a big Joss Whedon fan and I've been reviewing Dollhouse for UGO.com. I've reviewed every single Dollhouse episode (except Epitaph One). I really admit, I'm proud of the fact that I haven't missed reviewing a single episode. Trust me, there were times the show was out right terri-awful, I had no motivation to do it.

If you're a Dollhouse fan, you can check out my reviews of the last 4 episodes by heading over to UGO.com.

• 12/4/09:"The Public Eye" and "The Left Hand"
• 12/11/09: "Meet Jane Doe and "A Love Supreme"
  

Dollhouse "Instinct" (TV Review)

Well aren't those 2 the cutest little MILFs you ever did see. My bad if I've been subjecting to you reading posts about my Dollhouse reviews for UGO.com. Dollhouse has started off slow but I still believe the show is worth watching (I'm one of 3 people in all of America).

In this episode, Eliza Dushku plays mom and has to protect her baby from the forces of evil. But the beauty of this review, is I've broken it down in Lifetime Movie of the Week segments. You know, women scorn, women revenge, women abuse and women nymphomaniacs.

Check out the entire review by heading to UGO.com's TV Blog.