El monstro del mar!
El monstro del mar! (2012)
Directed by Stuart Simpson
Did you ever want to see the Suicide Girls take on a sea monster?
Well Australia has got you covered. Because in Stuart Simpson's El monstro del mar (translated to Monster of the Sea) you'll just see that. And that's pretty much it.
Monstro goes into the way back time machine to give us a throwback to B-movie monsterpalooza where a quiet seaside town goes under attack by 3 hot Aussie vixen pussycat kill kill killers as they battle a tentacle rape octupi.
The movie starts off as From Dusk til Dawn style as our 3 tatted up, goth femme fatales lay a Venus fly trap for some man fodder. They party hard, booze it up and sniff those lines. They meet a young girl (another Aussie hottie) and her grandfather but secrets lay deep in this beach town. Soon locals are slaughtered and much blood is lost.
The CGI monster is slightly above your SyFy original movie but the buckets of blood and gore is unrelenting. Kudos to Simpson and his team for going all out. But hell the tentacles are pure laughable as are the death scenes. It's definitely intentionally "bad", with ridiculous carnage of serpent arms vs man.
But do I buy into the "it's so bad, it's good" formula? Well too a point I do. I'm all for seeing our 3 whores from hell Beretta, Blondie and the hottest of all Snowball go swimming and acting badass but without a real story or any interesting scenes of fun, it also becomes outright boring. It's fairly predictable and generic as they come.
If you want to see Aussie Suicide girls battle sea monsters, this will be your favorite movie. I liked the eye candy and the fairly cheesy monster mash gore. But clearly it's the same as watching a Skinemax action movie. Pick your poison.
Rating:
1/2
Check out the trailer.
20120309
El monstro del mar! (Review)
20110309
Homemade Monster (Review)
Homemade Monster
Homemade Monster (2008)
Directed by Brandon and Leia Gadow
Fresh from the jaded viewer indie mailbox, I was sent a very DIY film by Brandon and Leia Gadow of Scumbag Films. When I say DIY, I mean it. Scumbag Films based out of San Diego is run by this husband and wife team and they do it all. Act, produce, write and direct. They've produced a wide variety of music driven films and in Homemade Monster, which was made for around $400 they create a musical revolving around that old reliable Frankenstein cliche.
I gotta admit, I've seen some low budget indie films but I've never seen a low budget rockabilly horror musical. And if I, the jaded viewer have never seen it, you earn bonus points just on that.
Homemade Monster may have been made on a dollar cent budget but it's got a mixture of indie spirit and a killer soundtrack that make it a Misfits song come to life. It's clear Mr. and Mrs Scumbag are amateurs in the filmmaking world, but this musical has lots of ambition and they don't overdue it or try to hard.
What you get is a funny, jazzy DIY film that's like seeing a garage band music video.
Oh yeah it's got boobs and blood too.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
Faced with an unspeakable act at her own hands, she attempt to rectify the situation and since she is frustrated with men, our heroine decides to make her own. This story is about her struggle to gather the necessary parts, put together and animate the man of her dreams. Music by The Jim Rowdy Show, who’s psychobilly rock and roll parallels our character’s
inner turmoil but hopefulness.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
Leia wants a man with all the qualities that will make a lasting relationship. Somebody who cares, has brains and of course has a big dick. After a fight with her boyfriend she drugs and kills him and comes up with the bright idea to make her own new super boyfriend by assembling them out of the parts of various dudes.
Well that's the the gist of the story.
The film which runs about 45 or so minutes is littered with rockabilly tunes delivered by Leia as she sings her troubles, her plans and her ultimate goals. Some are catchy like the opening number and a song where she seduces a bar patron. They all have their country twang sound with a psychobilly beat and I'll admit, it's a bit catchy.
The big number comes after Leia assembles a brain from a yawny professor, a heart from a chubby bartender and Johnson from a big ole cowboy, she finally finishes assembling her masterpiece. Now all frisky she goes all stripteasy, gets topless and makes monster grunty with her dream man. We get lyrics like "cuz I am bringing you to life." as she tries different methods to zap him to life.
However it gets kinda repetitive at times and with all musical numbers you expect a elaborate dance routine to accompany the beat. We get sporadic moments of a choreographed number but mostly it's singing with monotonous acting.
The acting and singing are all pretty solid but the glaring oddness of it all is the lack of budget. I'm not going to criticize the film because of that but it's pretty funny to see SyFy-ish rain and lightning, a beer can labeled beer and some cardboardy acting by the other actors. Some scenes were way too dark but I wouldn't expect we'd get proper lighting on a $400 budget. During a penultimate scene where our Mrs. Frankenstein wishes her monster to "come alive!" we hear a dog barking in the background. It seems intentional but I got a chuckle out of the homemade-ness of it all.
The film is decently made for a husband and wife team with no film making experience. They do a good job of getting set ups to music numbers and there were different settings. But at the end of the day, it's all about the music and as a punk rocker in a former life, I dug the tunes. If you enjoy listening to the rockabilly you'll enjoy this rockabilly horror music video.
I can rest easy now that I've watched my first ever rockabilly horror musical. I can check that off my bucket list.
The Vitals
Rating:
1/2Check out the trailer.
20100511
From the makers of Black Devil Doll comes.....BottomFeeder!
If you follow this online blogging publication, you know how much I praised Shawn Lewis Black Devil Doll so much, I might as well have been is internet slave. I even reviewed the book! So when I got the update of what Lowest Common Denominator's next flick was going to be, I got fuckin wet.
It's not Black Devil Doll 2. Oh man, its waaaay fuckin better.
Let me introduce you to the next big thing in rape monster horror.......
Look at the poster above (go here for a even larger look). Here is the plot like we need one.
Lieutenant Joe Angell is a bad cop whose seen it all . . . but he's never seen anything like the hideous monstrosity that shambles out of a dark California river with a taste for blood, on the hunt for nubile female victims.
It's a monster spawned of toxic waste and depraved humanity, a mutation of man and fish that must rape and kill to state its distorted desires---and only Joe Angell knows where it will strike next! As the insane, deformed creature stalks it's prey, Angell is haunted by bizarre visions that lead him into a slimy web of evil . . . until the final, fiery confrontation explodes with a fury you will never forget. Prepare yourself.
Where HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP and BAD LIEUTENANT left off . . . the sick, twisted nightmare of BOTTOMFEEDER begins. And no one is safe.
This movie had me at "hunt" "nubile" "female" and "victims". Yay hip hip yay.
Head over to the official site and become a fan on Facebook.
Shawn and Jonathan Lewis are the pioneers of the modern exploitation horror genre. If you still haven't seen Black Devil Doll, your missing out on the most fucked up LOL funny movie ever made in Oakland, California.
Bottomfeeder is going to put monster rape horror back on the fuckin map. Seriously, that's a good thing.
