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20120215

The Jaded Viewer would like a cameo.....please?

I'll admit it. I've reviewed a ton of indie horror movies and sometimes its truly gratifying to have a filmmaker, writer or director thank you for giving such a good review or promoting a film. Though I love writing this blog and supporting indie horror I also do love getting free shit. I don't get paid for the site (I run no ads). But a part of me longs to get an e-mail that says:

"Hey Jaded Viewer, do you wanna have a cameo in our film?"

Fuck yeah I do. Every horror blogger would love to be asked that. Hell, I don't want even speaking lines. I'd like to just be in the background pretending to hold a conversation with a hot girl speaking gibberish. Of course, it would be kinda cool to "die" in a horror movie. I mean that would be the awesomest cameo wouldn't it?

All horror bloggers blog for the love of horror but the perks are pretty fun to. We've all probably met our fair share of celebs, filmmakers and stars. Hell when Eli Roth tweeted back to me one time, I was thrilled! But I wouldn't mind being slaughtered by a rich psychotic douchebag either.

Clearly, I have no acting experience whatsover. I 'm not part of any guild or organization for acting but I'm sure not all indie actors might be either. I can say I was once a zombie in a college short film but I've never actually seen the short and I only did it to hang out with a cute girl. The funny thing is I entered that Walking Dead sweeps where you could have been flown to Atlanta to have a zombie cameo. I entered that contest like a zillion times. That would have been the dream cameo.

So I'm putting this out there. If you're filming an indie film or indie horror, I'd love to make a cameo in your film playing any part. You need me to be a cadaver? I'm there. You need a homeless looking guy? I'm your man. You need a delivery guy? I'm always on time.

Horror bloggers and fans, if you could have a cameo in a horror film, which filmmaker or director would you want to be in?

And seriously...I'm an awesome zombie. I've got my staggered walk and echo moans down pat. We all need the jaded viewer zombie.

Make it happen.

20120125

Interview with Stuff Monsters Like

It's rare that I get asked to talk about myself and my blog. But when I do, it's an honor and I will go out of my way to make it as fun as possible. So when the awesome-tastic site Stuff Monsters Like asked me to do a celebrity interview, I said "Who's the celebrity? Wait you mean me?"

So I obliged and answered the questions in only the way I can...by being all around goofy. Check out the interview and read my thoughts on the state of horror, how the jaded viewer got started and which country makes the best horror movies. Plus I think I make a reference to porn. I'm pretty sure I do. Yup, tons of free porn.

Check out my interview with Stuff Monsters Like
Check out Stuff Monsters Like (they've got cool interviews and awesome reviews)
Also check out their Facebook and Twitter pages

20120116

Best/Top Horror Movies of 2011 (Compilation from the Internet)

Hi y'all! (as Tucker and Dale would say) Well it's that time again where I make your life easier by compiling the top 10 (or best of) lists for 2011 for every major film and horror site, horror blog and online magazine out there on the interwebs. I'm not sure why I do this. It's a bit of a headache but it's fun comparing my list to everybody else.

I haven't tallied all of them but checking on most of them, you'll see the same movies on the list though a lot of different #1's. You'll see Insidious, I Saw the Devil and Tucker and Dale vs Evil on numerous lists. Yup they're all on mine as well. Be sure to check out my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2011.

Lot of readers or random stumble upon people like this aggregated post every year (Yeah I notice you all!). Everybody like me wants to know what they may have missed and get caught up. I'm the same way.

Well here ya go. Like last year, I've divided it up by different categories. Enjoy!

Horror Bloggers

Horror Websites

Film/Movie Sites

**Thanks to PromoteHorror.com for aggregating some of the lists**

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Did I miss a site or blog? Tweet me your list or post it on my Facebook page and I'll add you in. If you don't have a site, leave your top 10 in the comments below.

Appreciate the effort? Become a follower of the jaded viewer on Twitter and a fan on Facebook!

20120106

The Best Jaded Viewer Features of 2011 You May Have Missed

Sometimes throughout the year, I'll miss a damn good post by another horror blogger. It's hard to go back and see what good stuff has been written by them. I mean how will I ever get to read it if he or she doesn't tell me about it again?

Well I'm hoping you use this post to get to read some of my best features, reviews, lists and article I've written in 2011. Seriously, some of these are kinda hilarious if I say so myself. I re-read them and I'm kinda amazed I actually wrote it.

My favorites out of 2011 are my Half Moon review, the Sucker Punch photo blog, the Netflix vs VHS post, the Occupy Wall St/Romero article and when I reviewed Exit 33 starring Kane Hodder by parodying Rebecca Black's Friday.

I hope you get a kick out of these and LOL as you read them. Enjoy!

January

My review of Half Moon which stars pornstar Tori Black where I count how many times I see either boobs, the moon or a wolf
The Roommate: What the generic still photos actually tell us
My predictions for 2011 weren't really accurate
2010 Top 10 horror movies

February

March

April

May

June

Congrats! You're a Horror Blogger....now what?

July

A Picture review of Bloodrayne: The Third Reich
The WTF List: Sucker Punch (trust me it's pretty good)

August

3 Pairs of Arnold Schwarzenegger Films that are Unintentionally Connected
5 Social Media Sites that would reinvent the horror movie
5 Horror Movies Hollywood will NEVER remake (because they don't know how to)
Exit 33 Review (I review this movie by parodying Rebecca Black's Friday and via tweets from other horror bloggers)

September

Insano Steve's review of The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence

October

November

December

The Best Quotey Quotables from the Worst Movies I saw in 2011
Final Girl's Bloggenaire: The Jaded Viewer (a lost Q&A interview with yours truly)

20111205

Final Girl's Bloggenaire: The Jaded Viewer

Searching through my jaded viewer folder, I discovered an interview I did a while back for Stacie Ponder, who runs the awesome blog Final Girl. She started an interview feature where she sent all of us horror bloggers 23 questions to answer and she'd post the Q&A up on her site so others could discover new horror blogs. Well it looks like I didn't make the cut as the "bloggernaire" abruptly ended in the summer of 2010 and I never got posted.

Crap.

Well after reading my answers (they're fuckin awesome BTW) I figure I'd share my responses with all of you. I figure you should know more about me and if this were posted on Final Girl it would have helped my horror blogger cred. I'm sure Stacie would have posted my Q&A eventually so it's all good in any case. At least now I got a pre-packaged interview for you to read up. Hey, it's still an honor sorta being part of "The Bloggenaire"!

I also just got interviewed by Stuff Monsters Like and their interview (hopefully) will be posted in late January of next year. Cool beans all around. Well here is the jaded viewer's bloggernaire. Enjoy!

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Your name: Jeff
Your blog's name / URL: The Jaded Viewer (http://www.jadedviewer.com)

1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

My friend and I use to trade movies back in the old Internet days. So in order to entice more trades, we started reviewing the movies we had in both our collections. Most of our reviews were nonsensical, whimsical and very incoherent. But they were very very funny.

I wanted to share my reviews with everyone, hoping they’d get a chuckle and half out of them. As the blog evolved, my posts became my mindless thoughts on anything horror related.

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

What’s the jaded viewer other than a morbid parking space on the internet? It’s got electromagnetic posts of fun, a lost aesthetic of all that is wicked and free popcorn for the first 500 visitors. And porn without the nudity.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

Bad movies fall into my “they’re so bad, I can MST3K them” which turns a bad apples into apple sauce. When you can make fun of a movie with help from friends, nothing can be scratch your eyeballs bad.

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

Thank the Feebles, Peter Jackson can obliterate these creatures with an RPG.

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

Fulci’s Zombi 2. You’d think after my 1,234,678th viewing of zombie vs. shark it’d get kinda boring. If only Fulci made the shark suffer some ocular trauma I’d be in ecstasy.

6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

My most recent Adrienne Barbeau sighting was seeing her in the awesome short Alice Jacobs is Dead. She was absolutely stellar playing a sick human to zombie wife.

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

It chops, it can be used to keep you warm and it’s been described as LOLs, WTFs!??!, OMGs and WOW! What is this product that can do so much but cost a fortune? It’s The Jaded Viewer! Reviews of your favorite mainstreaminess with a few indie horror mixed in. And if you call now you won’t just get reviews, we’ll even include Lists (who doesn’t love lists?), exclusive shorts and pictures of horror hotties that are banned in Utah. Did I forget to mention it’s made out of 100% recyclable material? Are you ready to order?

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

He totally won the lottery and got a degree in engineering from the University of Phoenix. Also, he’s enslaved elves to help him build those traps. Super smart, college educated elves.

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.
b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.
c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

It’s gotta be C. There hasn’t been a C in like forever. In any case, most horror is watched with social aspect whereas most of society’s social mores are thrown into a tailspin. We don’t usually see a slasher or monsters in our normal, everyday boring lives and seeing these as entertainment make us all experience something together that draws on all our common fears. Deviant entertainment is only deviant to the ones doing the labeling. To the horror fan, it’s a Friday night.

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

1981. Two movies: Evil Dead and Cannibal Ferox.

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

I know right? For the last 2 years I’ve picked Martyrs and Inside as my best horror movies of the year. Our biased American assumption that the French are sniveling cowards who drink lots of wine and eat croissants is sadly untrue. They are actually a people bent on taking over the world through horror cinema. Subliminal horror movies that tell us to CONSUME and BREED. You know what I’m getting at right?

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

Gremlins 2. Oh those silly gremlins!

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

Trick question! Rob Zombie didn’t actually direct Halloween. It was Uwe Boll.

14) What are your funereal wishes?

Funeral? That’s so 2004. I’m getting myself cryogenically frozen.

15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

I think it’s the same feeling I have for Jean Claude Van Damme. Insert dancing Van Damme animated gif here.

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

“Yo Glinda, Imma let you finish, but Hermione Granger had one of the best boat crashes of the year.”

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

No worries. I’ve had multiple blogicide attempts over the last year.

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

Tyler Durden….is that you?

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

Totally happy. After he escaped from the unkillable slasher, I heard he got a college education, opened up a car wash franchise and married the hot high school cheerleader he had a crush on.

And abruptly died from a massive coronary after eating at a Carl’s Jr. Hahaha sucker!

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

80s. The birth of the horror franchise.

21) Would you rather be:
1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

Vampires sparkle. Being a witch/warlock seems to involve lots of memorization, werewolves are hairy, Frankensteins are too slow… That leaves a Jaws. Who wouldn’t wanna be a motherf*ckin shark?

22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

Stacie, it’s time you learned the truth. I'm from the future. I came here in a time machine that I invented and tomorrow I have to go back to the year 1985.

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

My rating system is based on Van Damme spinkicks. I also tend to write my reviews in an FAQ style which on occasion turns out quite hilarious. Also, I have a running joke where if a quote from a review I’ve written appears on the back of a DVD box, I will immediately terminate the blog.

I’m serious. OK maybe 30% serious.

EXTRA CREDIT! You can ask me a question, if you want to.

So now that you’re super famous, can we expect a reality show following your exploits?

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Is there anything else you want to know about me? I guess leave your question in the comments and I'll take a crack at it. And to answer your first question, it's front to back.

20110616

Congrats! You're a Horror Blogger....now what?

As a horror blogger, I've realized that being a blogger is quite different from being a horror journalist. (obviously) I'm pretty sure the guys at Bloody Disgusting, Dread Central and Fangoria get the best perks in the horror world. I'm not shorting the horror blogosphere. We also get some decent perks for being the soldiers in the intertubes horror community.

What I can say is I do enjoy the few perks I do get as a now established horror blog site. I'm sure there are blogs within the horror blogosphere that get tons of cool shit, being bigger than my little old site but I'm thankful everyday I get a few scraps from the horror world. So here are a few things I do get and also a list of things I WISH I could get.

I DO....get access to screeners for lots of indie horror movies.

I DON'T...get access to screeners for big budget Hollywood horror flicks (screw you Lion's Gate)

I DO...get to go to press screenings for some awesome indie horror and cult flicks.

I DON'T...get to go to any press screenings for see any mainstream horror flicks.

I DO...get some free stuff sent to me like books and DVDs.

I DON'T...get crazy novelty items or memorabilia.

I DO...get offered to go to press junkets for indie films.

I DON'T...go because I have no actual camera crew to film me interviewing these celebrities.

I DO...get to see some behind the scenes and trailers early before they get released to the public.

I DON'T...get invited to visit any movie sets or hang out with the filmmakers.

I DO...sometimes get to meet directors and actors/actresses in a non horror fest sorta way.

I DON'T...get to meet the horror scream queens I have huge crushes on.

I DO...get acknowledged by some horror icons via Twitter.

I DON'T....get acknowledged by some horror icons via Twitter.

I DO...get my reviews quoted in a trailer, poster and on official sites.

I DON'T...or should I say never have gotten a quote from one of my reviews on the back of a DVD box.

I DO...get to go to cool haunted houses for free to review them.

I DON'T...get to go to any film festivals because my site isn't big enough to warrant a press pass.

And finally....

I DO...get a few people reading my blog and for that I'm thankful (thanks all!)

I DON'T...seem to win any awards for my Spinkicks Ratings system (ahem LAMB!)

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If you want to do your own list...go right ahead. For you new horror bloggers out there, don't fret if you don't have tons of comments (I never do) or get tons of pageviews or whatever. Just focus on your content and write good and funny posts that you're proud of.

Some blogs post everyday, reblogging horror news of the day. What I do is try to make each one of my posts as creative, unique and insightful as I can. And above all, I try to make my fellow jaded viewers laugh.

I'm like the utility player of the horror blogosphere. You may never have heard of me but when you read some of my stuff, it makes an impact. So if your a new and up and coming horror blog, drop me a line and maybe I can get you some mileage on your blog.

Send me a link to your site via Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment and I'll feature your blog in a post. I plan on doing one a week throughout the summer.

As for my fellow horror bloggers, what secret perk do you want that you haven't gotten yet?

20110426

2011 LAMMY Awards: For Your Consideration

Well I've never won a LAMMY. I figure there is a first time for everything. So I'm putting my name in the hat to win one of these categories.

Best Blog
Funniest Writer
Best Ratings System (It's freakin spinkicks!)
Best Horror/Sci Fi Blog
Best Movie Reviewer

There are tons of a great LAMB blogs but none have a ratings system based on Jean Claude Van Damme spinkicks. Hell if a movie deserves more than the maximum 4 spinkicks, it gets the Dim Mak aka "Death Touch". By giving this rating to a movie it becomes like 1000 times more lethal than it has ever been before. If I were to view it again, I'd die.

If you think I deserve any of the awards above, head over here and vote me in. Voting ends May 9th!

Thanks for your consideration!

Head over to the LAMB for some kick ass movie blogs.

20110110

Best/Top Horror Movies of 2010 (Compilation from the Internet)

Look at those links above! Hahaha, I couldn't resist. Well it's that time again where I make your life easier by compiling the top 10 (or best of) lists of every major film and horror site, horror blog and online magazine out there on the interwebs. I do this because I also like to see how it compares with my own list and because you deserve one place where you can go to instead of Googling for it.

Over a 100 lists are below (I've totally Googled out after compiling the list)

I haven't tallied all of them but checking on most of them, you'll see the same movies on the list though a lot of different #1's.

If I missed a list or you want yours added, drop me a line or leave a comment.

Now say thank you Mr. Jaded Viewer. Seriously. Just leave a comment letting me know this was somewhat appreciated. It'll take you two secs. Now fill in that word verification. See that wasn't so bad.

This year I've divided it up by different categories.

Horror Bloggers

Horror Websites

Film/Movie Sites

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Did I miss a site or blog? Send me an e-mail at jadedviewers at yahoo dot com and I'll add you in. If you don't have a site, leave your top 10 in the comments below.

Appreciate the effort? Become a follower of the jaded viewer on Twitter and a fan on Facebook!

20101020

What horror movies do you put on for your non horror loving friends?

October is the usual time my non horror friends and family ask what horror movie should they go see. Paranormal Activity 2? Saw 3D? So it's fitting that Mike over @ All Things Horror posed this same question to the horror blogosphere. What horror movies do you put on for your non horror loving friends?

I of course picked the Lucio Fulci's Zombie and you can read why if you head over to All Things Horror. There you'll see the other opinions from some top notch horror bloggers. All have great recommendations and I agree with a majority of their selections.

If I had to add more to my list, I'd definitely add what's already been mentioned. The Descent, Halloween, The Evil Dead and The Shining. All are solid picks.

What I'd also add are a few mainstream selections from my Top 10 Horror Movie list from last year. Zombieland, Let the Right One In, Trick R Treat and Orphan. Non horror fans scoff at "classic horror movies" so you won't be able to convince them to watch something from the slasher 80s or the supernatural 70s. Subtitled? Fughedaboutitt.

I think the criteria has to be the following for non horror peeps:

90 minutes max
One star they recognize
If it has a zombie, vampire or werewolf it will probably be tolerated
Most non horror people always think they are seeing a "scary movie" which is different than a horror movie. It's your duty to recognize what they like and show them what's appropriate
If there are boobs and gore, it will usually fly but this might not be for everyone
Non horror fans usually think whispering children is scary
Horror comedies are always a solid choice. It's something familiar to them and something that's not. Like and Irish coffee.
If you are watching a scary movie make sure it's in the dark. Atmosphere is everything.
Your non horror fan will never be completely turned over to the dark side. So sometimes you just gotta give up.

Well that's my 2 cents. Be sure to head over to All Things Horror for some solid recs. Now get ready for the barrage of recommendations because Halloween is a few weeks away!

20100811

the jaded viewer heads to Texas to meet his long lost cannibal family!

The Jaded Viewer will be on hiatus starting today and all of next week as I go on vacation. Where you might ask? That big blob of a state called Texas. I'll be visiting my long last family who have a chainsaw fetish. Uncle Leatherface is always fun to hang out with. He loves scaring oversexed teens and killing the disabled. I'll be road tripping across this great state, downing beers, eating cow and watching baseball.

As always, I'll be mindlessly tweeting my thoughts on anything that seems remotely curious. If you live in Texas, say hi. I'll be the goofy looking tourist guy who will be staring at over sized cowboy hats.

You can follow me on Twitter @ jadedviewer to read about all the fun.

While I'm gone, I implore you to keep the FIRST EVER Horror Blogosphere "Choose Your Own Adventure: The Detention Dungeon" going. Read my original story, pick your choice and head over to horror blog to continue the story. Then you can write a continuation of the choice you want! Trust me, it'll be awesome.

See you when I get back!

20100805

Choose Your Own Horror-venture: The Detention Dungeon CONTINUES...

Thanks to the following awesome bloggers who've already participated in keeping this first ever Choose Your Own Horror-venture going. So far, all 3 choices have been continued by:

Ryne @ The Moon is a Dead World who continued the story in the GYM.
Simon @ Four of Them who continued the story in the CAFETERIA.
Geof @ Enter The Man Cave who continued in the BIOLOGY LAB.

Now here is where the rest of you come in. Read the opening story by heading to my original post located here: The Detention Dungeon!

Pick where you want to continue the story. Once you've made your choice, there should now be 2 or 3 more choices to choose from. Pick the one you want to write about and continue the story! It's that simple. A caveman could do it. [insert ticked off GEICO caveman here]

If you want to write up multiple continuations, feel free to do so. If you want to continue on the original choices I gave, you can do that to but the best case scenario is to contribute your story from one of the blogs above. We can keep this going all over the blogosphere.

If you don't have a blog and want to use your Facebook Notes page, I think we can allow that as well. Hell, if you want to put your story up on a message board or a Tumblr page, go for it! Let's get this viral out into the interwebs and take it as far as it can go.

I want to see what the horror and movie blogosphere can come up with.

Thanks to Brandon @ Big Daddy Horror Reviews to help get the word out on this experiment.

Now get choosy!

20100802

Hey Horror Blogosphere: Choose Your Own Horror-venture!

Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books? Weren't they awesome? It was like a video game but in book form. You'd read a few pages and then you'd have to make a decision on what to do next. Depending on your choice, you'd either succeed or you'd pretty much die horribly. The trick was you'd have to pick the choice that seemed more harder or dedicated in order to progress. I usually did the opposite. I'd pick the choice that seem to get me to the goal quicker which of course was totally freakin wrong.

I'm fond of these books and I wanted to see if we could do our own choose your own adventure book. But in this case, it's choose your own horror-venture.

I'll write a passage and will give you 3 different choices/endings and you write the ending of your choosing (pun intended!). The 3 choices or endings are in the same vain of the choices you'd get in the book. You could write a happily ever after choice/ending, another could be an open ended ending or it could be a completely miserable surefire death ending. It's up to you.

Hell if you wanted to write up your choice and continue to write a passage with a few more choices you could do that too. I just want to see what we all come up with. It's like a game of TELEPHONE sorta. It would be interesting to see what would develop from the story I wrote below.

Be sure to send me the link to your post with your choice/ending. It can be a paragraph or a few, it's up to you. Let's see what the horror blogosphere can come up with. If you don't have a blog and want to participate, leave your choice/ending in the comments.

I'm not sure if this will work but hell I think all of you are damn creative. And it should be fun.

The Detention Dungeon

You and your friend Terry are in detention. Seems Mr. Smith didn't appreciate your comment about gerbils in a blender and now your stuck in detention. You've been passing the time pretending to study your textbook "Animal Extinctions of the Last 20 Years" but in reality you are tweeting to one of your 106 followers.

Terry asks "how long do you think we'll be here for?"
"I don't you know" you respond, feeling angsty after drinking your 2nd Red Bull.

Mr. Smith puts down his newspaper and gets up. He's got a pulsating forehead and his mustache seems more twitchy. You're a little scared because this time he seems more serious. He usually talks big but he's a big softy inside.

"Gerbils huh?" Mr. Smith starts. "If you really think that's funny, maybe something more than detention is needed for the both of you."

"Detention is fine," says Terry. Terry has told you on numerous occasions that she doesn't like Mr. Smith, who recently gave her a "D" on her paper. You feel this is a waste of time and your gerbil comment (which garnered lots of chuckles from the class) was freakin awesome.

"No, I don't think detention will do. I am going to have to have Mr. Lasher talk to you. I think he's the only one who can discipline the both of you" yammered Mr. Smith. You watch him collect his newspaper and pick up his bag and open the door. He sticks his head through the door one last time.

"You both stay here you hear until Mr. Lasher arrives."

You and Terry look at each other at the same time. Oh Mr. Lasher. You've never actually seen Mr. Lasher. The rumor was the really bad kids got a "serious talk" from him and we're never the same again. Some kids who "talked" to him usually became robotic and kept to themselves after talking to this unseen teacher. They also started muttering things under their breath and talking to people who weren't there. It was all weird. One kid even developed a speech impediment after talking to Mr. Lasher.

One thing's for sure, you didn't want to talk to him.

"C'mon, Terry I don't have a good feeling about this. I don't want to talk to Mr. Lasher" you say.
"You spooked by the urban legend? Terry asks in a sarcastic way.
"No" you respond, "but the kids who have talked to him are not right. Let's get outta here right now." you demand.

You quickly grab your backpack and your phone and crouch down as you open the door. Terry gives a sigh shrug and follows you out. You quickly dash to the exit but it's padlocked. You need to find another way out.

You start to hear footsteps and they're getting closer. It could be your heart pounding but Terry confirms your suspicions. Which way to go. You need to find an exit before the infamous Mr. Lasher arrives.

If you decide to go to the gym, turn the page to this blog: The Moon is a Dead World

If you decide to go to the cafeteria, turn the page this blog: Four of Them

If you decide to go to the biology lab, turn the page this blog: Enter The Man-Cave

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OK it up to you. Pick your choice: the gym, the cafeteria or the biology lab and write up what happens. You can keep the story going or you can write an ending. I get the feeling we're not going to see a lot of happy endings.

Once you're done, send me the link and I'll insert your link to the choice you picked. All I asked is when you do, please link back to my site (http://jadedviewer.blogspot.com) or to this post. It'd be fun to get a lot of the horror blogosphere involved. So if you can retweet and post links to get people to try this little experiment, the more the better.

Happy Choosing!

20100721

I've never been called Versatile, but I have been called ambidextrous

I just want to thank the bloggers who mentioned my site for this award. This includes:

(if I missed anyone who sent this my way, my apologies!)
Award Rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic for whatever reason! (in no particular order…)
4. Contact the bloggers you’ve picked and let them know about the award.

Last year's awards fiasco has prompted me to not do #3 and #4. My blogroll to your right is filled with Versatile Bloggers and they have all probably gotten this award in some fashion.

Let's just say, the horror/movie blogosphere has the best community on the interwebs and as long as we support and comment on each other's blogs, it's going to continue to get better.

As for the 7 things....

1.) I absolutely hate tourists.
2.) I have mild insomnia
3.) I once saw 7 movies in one day at the same theater (they were all crappy movies)
4.) I played a zombie once in a short film (I never saw the film)
5.) I'm a devout Rockstar Games fan
6.) I start my day with some NOFX every morning
7.) I'm heading to Texas next month. Dallas, Austin and Houston are all stops..so where my bloggers at for a blog meetup!

Thanks again for supporting the site!

20100312

Vote for your friendly, neighborhood horror blogger: The Jaded Viewer!

Voting has now opened for Mr. Horror Blogosphere 09. I am the 3rd entry over @ Zombies Don't Run. I thought I was uber funny with the Q and A (look at me being fuckin cocky) Though at 2% of the vote I feel like Nader in 2000.

So check out my entry over at Zombie's Don't Run and remember...vote for me! (or vote for your the other guy...but if you do, the terrorists win). So a vote for the jaded viewer is a vote for America!

Mr. Horror Blogosphere Entry #3: The Jaded Viewer!

20100306

The Jaded Viewer is going offline (only for a few days...I hope)

Hey fellow jaded minions. Well due to some Blogger updates and some migration protocols on Blogger, I'm going to have to go offline for a few days. I've been publishing on Blogger via FTP and Blogger is forcing me to have my site hosted with them instead.

Hence, I'm going to have to migrate my blog, change some settings, yada yada yada.

Most of the horror blogosphere is at a blogspot domain or on Wordpress. Lucky for you, you guys aren't affected. But for the few of us that have our own domains or FTP, we have to update. If you're one of the ones who have a custom domain, you should check out Blogger's FTP blog. It details all the instructions we'll need to do before FTP-ing is disabled starting May 1st.

You may get a Page Cannot Be Found or the site will look like it's disappeared. That's just me turning the frozen donkey wheel (gratuitous Lost reference!)

When I do return, I have a ton of reviews to put up, more lists for you to check out and 100% pure entertainment that you can find here at your friendly, neighborhood horror blog.

In the meantime, you can follow me on Twitter or head over to the jaded viewer Facebook page for your daily dose of jaded-isms.

Be back soon!
Jeff

20100302

I'm not a Number!!! Mr. Horror Blogosphere Entry #3

I am proudly the 3rd entry in the Mr. Horror Blogosphere over @ Zombies Don't Run. I answered the questions to the best of my ability, but they were harder than a DMV driver's test.

Why no picture you might ask?

Well, I just forgot to send one. But more importantly, I'm going with the mysterious Ninja approach to the Mr. Horror Blogosphere. He's unseen, he's like a shadow...he's does not exist.

Hell, I'm not even writing this.

So check out my entry over at Zombie's Don't Run and remember...vote for the other guy!

Mr. Horror Blogosphere Entry #3: The Jaded Viewer!

20100301

The Jaded Viewer spinkicks on to Facebook!

I've decided to put a corner of the jaded viewer on Facebook so you can get a decent feed while your Facebooking. So instead of checking your Blogger dash reading list, you can become a fan via Facebook.

I'll link all the newest stories I put up and it'll be a place to drop me a line if your so inclined (and if you hate captchas and don't wanna comment) I've put the little Facebook widget on the right nav bar as well.

So Become A Fan of the jaded viewer on Facebook!

20100225

The few, the proud, the Horror Blogger Alliance

Over the last few weeks, the horror blogosphere has had it's share of controversial issues (awards, etc) which seem in retrospect were a little nitpicky yet oddly mesmerizing.

We went into an award frenzy. But that's not the main point of this post. More so it's the fact that somebody decided not to divide the blogosphere but unite us.

That's where Carl @ I Like Horror did. Early this month, he started the Horror Blogger Alliance.

What is the Horror Blogger Alliance? Simply an organization on the interweb to unite us all horror bloggers together and get us to talk about horror issues, debate on some interesting questions and link up on our common reviews and posts.

So far it's been awesome. And the best part?

Anybody can join!

Now up to over 130 blogs, if you have a horror slanted blog you can join the Alliance. No fancy membership process, no gender or racial divide. Nothing. The only so called rules is your blog should be horror-rish.

Think about it. There are probably well over 200 horror blogs running right now (I totally just made up that number based on minimal info). Until Carl created the HBA, nobody thought to organize a grassroots org like structure for all these blogs. Sure there are the League of Tana Tea Drinkers and now the newly formed Tea Party of the Dead but special criteria applies for these.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have these orgs as well, but it's more like a frat/sorority horror blogging group rather than an all inclusive group like the HBA. No disrespect to the LOTTD or TPD as I'd be honored if chosen to be part of the LOTT D (though for the TPD, I'd have to get a special operation to join).

My main point is that after all the weird bullshit with the awards crap which even resulted in the LOTTD's Bloody Blogger Awards being cancelled, we finally have a org in which everybody can join and feel like they're part of a real internet community.

I just wanted to say thanks to Carl for creating the HBA. He picked a damn good time to start it up and its looking like it's just what we needed after all these weird awards issues that came up.

So if you have a horror blog, head over to the Horror Blogger Alliance and join up. Damn good idea Carl. I gotta think of one too.

Hmmm, maybe I should start up the Van Damme for President Blogging Federation. Who's with me?

infolinks