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Tampilkan postingan dengan label blaxploitation. Tampilkan semua postingan
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20120508

0

10 Things from 70s Times Square that exploitation movies need to bring back


Exploitation and grindhouse movies these days are no longer that exploitative. Sure Tarantino and Rodriguez can call their movie Grindhouse, but somehow if I'm not offended by it, it's not really exploitation. Planet Terror, Death Proof, Machete and Hobo with a Shotgun are all solid flicks but these as you would expect are sanitized Hollywood flicks for the masses.

70s Times Square could care less about the masses. They catered to the guy with the fedora, large sunglasses and trench coat. The true grindhouse films wanted to shock the shit out of you for 70 or so minutes. Bad dubbing, recut and edited foriegn flicks, and retitled films were the standard. But you'd have a wide selection of the WTF and outrageous. Movies that would offend you, test your limits and obliterate your tolerance for the absurd.

Clearly we've all grown up from our 70s scumminess and we'd hope to be a more tolerant and equal society. But a tiny part of me wants to see some exploitative absurdity, something that goes waaaay extreme that you can't believe what you just saw. A millennial Pink Flamingos if you will. 

Will we ever see any of these things/subjects ever made into a feature to call themselves real exploitation?

1.) Super duper racist films

Fight for your Life was completely nuts. Thing about this plot. 3 escaped inmates, a white trash redneck, a Mexican and an Asian violently assault a black minister. You've offended every race in America in one movie. Movies like Goodbye Uncle Tom supposedly cashed in on the blaxploitation craze but 70s grindhouse cashed in by being so offensive, you'd think a race riot would happen in the theater.


2.) Sexually violent deviousness


Ahhh clearly the 70s grindhouse could care less for women. Boobs, butts and skin all to be killed off in horrific fashion. I think of the ridiculousness of Patrick, a movie about a comatose man with psychic powers uses them to manipulate a hot nurse. The kills were wickedly hypnotizing and spawned an even more sexually violent sequel from Italy!

3.) Midgets and Freaks

Have you seen the movie Freaks? It was made in 1932 and starred actual midgets and freaks. Clearly we have to be PC about our little people and visually challenged these days. But the ironic part is this film is actually pretty good, shows them as normal people and featured a part of our society that would have been ignored.

4.) Pimps and Hookers (in Atlantic City)

The only time you see pimps and hookers is on HBO's AC Hookers. Oh what fascinating lives these two groups lead and somehow, yes somehow this could be exploited into some awesome movies if you think of it.

5.) Cannibals a Go Go

It's not like there are anymore cannibal tribes in the world anymore right? Right? I mean even if you stereotyped some tribe to be killer cannibals, it's not like they'd actually see the flick. It's the genre I miss the most. Devil white man gets comeuppance for trying to civilize the savages. It's the formula with a message and the gore.

6.) Mondo Schmondo

 Have you seen the footage of Filipinos crucifying themselves on Easter Sunday? No? Then YouTube it. This shit still happens. All countries still have some crazy, wacky rituals and I don't think we've seen them all.

7.) Experimental Surrealistic Nonsense

We all need a little Alejandro Jodorowsky in our lives.

8.) Something Japanese

Rule 34. If you've thought of something so fucked up, so nasty and so disgusting, chances are the Japanese have made a movie about it.

9.) Slashers who are plain old crazy

Luther the Geek was a movie about a carnival freak who bit the heads off chickens and drinks their blood. He then proceeds to kill random people while clucking. We need more films like this.

10.) The New Christina Lindberg

We need a movie where a girl next door vixen gets violated and then goes all revenge served cold. This is an untapped genre begging and pleading to resurface.

What 70s/80s subgenres from the olden days do you miss? Will we ever see any of these highly offensive subgenres/topics/things ever made in the Hollywood machine or the indie underground?

Chime in!

20110629

0

Machete Maidens Unleashed! (Review)

Machete Maidens Unleashed!

Machete Maidens Unleashed (2010)

Directed by Mark Hartley

[part of the NYAFF 2011]

I've been looking forward to checking out Mark Hartley's latest documentary Machete Maidens Unleashed for a while now. After checking out the trailer, I was salivating to see the history of Filipino exploitation films as I was too young to know what these films were and how they were made. Thanks to the New York Asian Film Festival (NYAFF2011) my dream is now a reality. Hartley, who last made Ozploitation a household name (that's Australian exploitation flicks) with Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation! takes on the world of exploitation films created in the jungle depths of the Philippines and interviews the bejesus out of everybody who ever made one.

Machete Maidens Unleashed is an awesome in depth look into a period of filmmaking history where anything went, labor was cheap, the blood poured and the boobs, well they were real and they were spectacular. Hartley takes the footage, the gimmicks, the taglines and interviews from the likes of Roger Corman, John Landis, legendary Filipino director Eddie Romero and others to tell the story of what it was like to film mutated creatures, hot women in prison, blaxsploitation and rebellious war flicks. It's a fast paced doc, getting a soundbyte here while simultaneously flashing boobs in your face and decapitating an arm.

What you gain is a clear understanding of filmmaking via New World Pictures (Corman's company) and the people under him. It's nostalgic, funny and mesmerizing to watch. And it's clearly one of the best movies of 2011 in my opinion.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A fast moving odyssey into the subterranean world of the rarely explored province of Filipino genre filmmaking.


Awesome Review-O-Matic

The movie is broken apart via the different genres filmed in the Philippines. These include:

  • Blood Island series of films
  • Women in prison films (eg. The Big Dollhouse, Black Mama, White Mama)
  • War/Revolution films
  • Blaxsploitation films (eg. Savage, TNT Jackson)
  • Hollywood parodies (eg. Weng Weng)
  • Apocalypse Now history
All the sections are really interesting in their own right. The Philippines was a haven for Corman and his directors to shoot low budget films that look like big giant blockbusters. They flew in beautiful actresses including breakout star Pam Grier and just had them kick ass and get naked. With the blessing of dictator Ferdinand Marcos and the Filipino army and stuntmen at their disposal, New World Pictures was able to make popular genre films for what seems like less than a buck and make millions.

It's just crazy interesting to look back at real exploitation films and see how they were made. These days, "exploitation films" via the Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino are big budget spectaculars. But seeing the original bizarre plots, bad acting, gratuitous nudity and unreal stunts and how it all came to be is something Generation X,Y and Z never really had a chance to experience.

The interviews, though rapidly short are full of one line soundbytes and moments of WTF. Roger Corman gives you accounts of his library of films filmed in these islands. Joe Dante and Allan Arkush give you an insight look into how they cut trailers where the trailers were made to sell the film with gimmicks and non existent plot lines. I loved the interviews with the Filipino directors which included Eddie Romero and Cirio Santiago. They were Filipinos who made American movies. Romero's take on his experience with Corman is one of genuine admiration. He strived to make Grade A movies and never thought he was making B movies. Santiago directed so many classics such as Savage and TNT Jackson. To think a Filipino director made blaxsploitation blows my fuckin mind. Just freakin fascinating.

The film was originally suppose to be Hartley's attempt to profile Weng Weng, the midget who made James Bond spoofs. There is a section here in Machete Maidens Unleashed on Weng Weng and it's also a hoot. We even get an interview with Filipino film historians, critics and other film luminaries about this universe of crazy filmmaking.

But the documentary's proudest moment has gotta be the endless boob shots. The women in prison movies then women in chains turned revenge flicks is the money shot of the documentary. Beautiful women and their breasts are endlessly looped to show you that these may have been the first films where women were leads and played action heroes. Is it total exploitation or a glimpse into 70s feminism? Thinking about it hurts my head. We get interviews with the actresses and it's just absolutely wild to see what they look like now compared to their hotness decades ago. Pam Grier is still freakin hot.

Machete Maidens Unleashed! is a manic albeit short look into the world of guerrilla filmmaking. There have been other docs profiling Corman and his flicks but none gets you sweaty, bloody and stiff like this one does. It's got me checking Netflix to see if I can watch some of these films in their entirety.

We use the term exploitation film so loosely these days. Anything that resembles something that might be a reboot of a genre from the 60s, 70s or 80s is given that label. But true exploitation films are exactly that. They exploited the audience's perceptions and desires. If the audience dug gratuitous nudity, you made a film that had tons of it. If the viewers wanted blood and guts, you cut off an arm. If you wanted to see a naked black woman kick ass with her boobs all bouncy, you made that happen. Those films were true exploitation and we'll never have a "golden" age like that again. Machete Maidens Unleashed! is your chance to see a history of filmmaking that is the epitome of WTF movies.

And also who doesn't like seeing a hot topless girl fire machine guns.

Gore-ipedia

Tons!

Nude-ipedia

Tons and tons and tons!

WTF moment

I question why I haven't seen more women in prison films

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

NYAFF 2011 film festival opens on 7/1. I've created a list of films to check out at this year's festival. Machete Maidens Unleashed screens on July 2nd at 7pm and is followed by a showing of Raw Force.

Head over to the official site for more info.

The Vitals
Rating:


Check out the trailer!



20110411

0

Black Dynamite: Slave Island (Comic Book Review)

If you've been a regular reader of this blog, you know I've covered everything about Black Dynamite on this here blog. From the awesome trailers to a review of the movie, to a press packet to "Fight Smack in the Orphanage!", to its DVD release, to the animated series announcement and coverage about the upcoming comic book.

I'm a Black Dynamite fan through and through.

So when I was lucky enough to get an early copy of the first issue of Black Dynamite: Slave Island, I was happier than a dude at an orgy. Thanks to Scott Sanders, Ars Nova and Ape Marketing for making this happen. I am hear to tell you that this first issue lives up to everything the movie was so awesome at. Blaxploitation hilarity, 70s throwbackness and hysterical ads.

So what's the plot?

Released by indie publisher Ape Entertainment with a story by Michael Jai White, Byron Minns, and Scott Sanders, the one-shot Black Dynamite: Slave Island follows our hero as he seeks to put an end to a mysterious island… where an insidious 19th century legacy of The Man still exists.

Here's my review!

the jaded viewer says: Black Dynamite the movie spun the whole blaxploitation satire into a whole new realm with our hero Black Dynamite, a secret agent and legendary stallion reaching cult status. Slave Island is a pseudo sequel as BD continues to fight the oppression of his people in any form it takes.

And in Slave Island, the form is really fucked up.

When BD hears the story from a survivor of a mysterious island where slavery still exists, he takes it upon himself to recify the situation immediately. He gets to the island and realizes the fuckedupness of "Slave Island" is more dastardly than he realized. It's a vacation spot for whitey where the past has been rebuilt in all its evil glory. The slaves are mentally and physically abused and BD realizes what he needs to do. To put it bluntly he has to "burn this motherfucker down".

And so BD moves forward with his one man revolution. But it's not as easy as pootang pie. In a classic preposterous scene he battles a shark underwater!?!? (I can tell you this was more awesome than zombie vs shark) , gets captured and gets sold in an auction. This leads to seeing the "mandingo" in action as he satisfies his new white mistress.

Suffice it to say, BD doesn't just use violence to get the job done but words (in a speech that echoes MLK he gets the slaves on his side). But violence is way better than words and we get some awesome carnage the only way BD can deliver.

The artwork is pretty solid echoing the old 70s/80s style of comics. It actually looks like a comic full of wear and tear. The colors are nice and vibrant and the panels are strategically aligned. All in all, its like you picked up a comic book from 30 years ago.

The story and the writing is freakin brilliant. Written by Brian Ash from a story by Michael Jai White, Byron Minis and Scott Sanders, it's so Black Dynamite-ish to a tee. The dialogue is cleverly clever and the absurdity of each successive scene never wavers.

BD battles Hicks and his henchmen and it echoes the flavor of the original film.

Black Dynamite: Slave Island is a masterpiece of blaxpsploitation satire, hilarity and outrageousness. There are satirical ads for ex football player Farrante Jones throughout the comic which are brilliantly awesome. These are little throwbacks to ads that ran in every comic published back in the day. Even a brochure with a map of Slave Island is included which made me LOL.

Black Dynamite is a modern day hero who has the kung fu skills to fix the injustices of our world while single handily satisfying the thirst of women everywhere. Women want to be with him while men want to be him. But not everybody can free slaves from a Disney-fied whitey paradise. Only Black Dynamite can do it. He's got the brains, the brawn and the 'tude. So make sure you see him do his thang.

You dig?

The Vitals

Check out a few panels from Black Dynamite: Slave Island!






20101006

0

Black Dynamite: Animated Series (First Look Pictures)


"Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only matched by your zest of kung-fu treachery"

With lines like that, it was no doubt Black Dynamite got 4 out of 4 spinkicks. But I didn't know we'd see our Black as Spades hero again until recently. Then Scott Sanders dropped me a line to let me know that the new animated Black Dynamite series is coming to Adult Swim in 2011. Kick ass!

Sure we're going to see a toned down version of our hero but Black Dynamite fits in perfectly. Here's some of the vitals.

First from the comic book.

Released by indie publisher Ape Entertainment with a story by Michael Jai White, Byron Minns, and myself, the one-shot Black Dynamite: Slave Island follows our hero as he seeks to put an end to a mysterious island… where an insidious 19th century legacy of The Man still exists.

Info about the animated series.

As well, we are hard at work on Black Dynamite: The Animated Series for [adult swim]. The show is Executive Produced by Carl Jones (The Boondocks) and will take BLACK DYNAMITE to a new level.

The first stop to see exclusive pictures, comics and footage? New York Comic Con. Here's the screening info.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Screening of BLACK DYNAMITE
Saturday, October 9
8:00 PM
Hosted by Ape Entertainment and Ars Nova

BLACK DYNAMITE Panel
Saturday, October 9
Immediately preceding the BLACK DYNAMITE Screening

Featuring Scott Sanders, Adrian Younge and Andre Torres (Wax Poetics)

**SNEAK PEEK**: First look at clips from the upcoming Black Dynamite: The Animated Series on [adult swim]

All attendees will receive their very own Black Dynamite: Slave Island preview book, written by Brian Ash (The Boondocks), with inks by Jun LoFamia and featuring a special edition sketch cover by Ed Laroche.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Now check out these exclusive pictures from the new animated series! Fight Smack in the Orphanage!



20100702

0

When Rappers Make Movies, Movies become AWESOME

You'd think having a rapper in your movie would turn out to be a big FAIL. Somtimes that's not the case. That's because your not watching the right rappers in the right movies, you know what I'm saying? Insano Steve already detailed how awesome Stickey Fingaz hip hop musical A Day in the Life was. Even I was blown away by the cleverlogue of seeing Stickey, Omar and WeeBey from the Wire, Michael Rappaport, Caine from Menace II Society and Treach (from Naughty by Nature).

So thank the hip hop gods, Stickey Fingaz made another musical. This one is called Caught on Tape and it looks fuckin awesome. And whose in this one you asking? OMG, look at this lineup motherfucka. Vivica Fox and Cedric the Entertainer are the notables in this one with Sticky.

Bust a cap and watch the trailer below.




Straght out of Shaolin (aka Staten Island) comes The RZA's Wu Tang vs. The Golden Phoenix trailer (news via FilmDrunk). The RZA, musical genius and founding member of the infamous Wu Tang Clan goes all homagy to all the old Chinese king fu flicks of old.

This fucker has got serious street cred my brothas. Jackie Chan's stunt team, Fight choreographer Robert Tai of 5 Deadly Venoms,members of the USA Shaolin Team, and starring Shaw Bros. Legend Chi Kuan Chun and Dr. King Ogun Ali Muhammad, founder of the Universal African Fighting System.

And it wouldn't be Wu Tang without 5th generation Shaolin disciple The RZA.
It's got serious kung fu-ery and all sorts of insane action.

HaaaaaaaaYaaaaaaaaaa. Check out the trailer.






Have I changed your perception of the rapper turned filmmaker stereotype? Hahaha. Maybe not but what do you think of these flicks?

20100324

0

A Day in the Life (Review)

A Day in the Life

A Day in the Life (2007)

Directed by Sticky Fingaz

[This review brought to you by Insano Steve, who while watching this movie gunned down 3 innocent bystanders]


One day while mindlessly browsing the YouTubes, I stumbled upon the trailer for "A Day in the Life". Little did I know, I had just discovered the best black movie in at least the last 10 years.

As a self-proclaimed expert in the modern blaxploitation genre, I had largely given up on the modern black film. Apparently, I just wasn't looking hard enough. While mainstream audiences have had enough of gangstas shooting each other dead in the streets for the sake of a soundtrack, the direct to video/download markets are still alive and well.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A Day in the Life is a Hip Hop, action-drama, musical film. The film begins as the sun rises, it's just another day in the life of Sticky's character and concludes before sunset of the same day.

The story takes the audience on a wild journey through one day as witnesses to an intense street war between two rival crime families.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Onyx:
The producer and main star of 'A Day In The Life' is Sticky Fingaz from the famous rap group, Onyx. Onyx was a rap group from the rape and murder filled streets of Queens, NY. They first reached fame in the early 1990s with the hit single "Slam".

At the peak of their of popularity, there were over 850 members of Onyx in the wild. Although, only 2 or 3 of them actually rapped. The only requirements for membership were to be:

  1. black
  2. bald
  3. angry
Later on, the hair and racial requirements would be lifted.

Unfortunately, by the year 2000, deforestation and erosion would slowly dwindle the Onyx population until only the 2 main members remained, Sticky Fingaz and Fredro Starr. With no space in the music marketplace left for angry blacks, the Onyx had no choice but to adapt and embrace the film media. In "A Day in the Life", they were the first to make a film where the dialogue is entirely in rap! Yup, the whole 90 minutes are rapped!

Plot: Sticky Fingaz (played by Sticky Fingaz), is a gangsta that’s been robbed by the guy who played Big Worm in ‘Friday’. So, Sticky and his boy, Fredro, vow revenge and many many many bruthas end up dead in the process.

In fact, more bruthas die just in this movie’s trailer than in even some my favorite blaxploitations! And these murders are fucking brutal. Lots of bloody white Tshirts yo!

Rap:
Oh shit. When I heard all the dialogue was rap, I just couldn’t see how it could be done. But damn, Sticky really did it here. To make all the dialogue work in terms of the plot (no matter how negligible) and still sound good as a rhyme, this really is genius.

One of my personal highlights were: Sticky and Fredro rapping over a cellphone, and the bad phone signal serving the role of a record scratching. Also, everybody in the movie raps. Not just gangstas. The cops rap, old people rap, white people rap, they all rap. And with the miracle of Auto-Tune, it all sounds good!

Rappers/Name Dropping:
Damn near everybody you can think of is in this shit. Best rap performance by an actor goes to:
  • Omar Epps (who wrote his own rhymes)
  • Michael Rappaport as he often does, plays the good cop (aka, the only white guy in the movie).
  • Back from the dead, ‘Caine’ from Menace II Society plays Rappaport’s corrupt partner/the bad cop.
  • Mekhi Phifer and Bookeem Woodbine provide some acting credibility to the movie.
  • Omar and Wee-Bey from ‘The Wire’ are in this, playing pretty much their same characters.
  • Treach, of OPP fame, plays Sticky’s personal arms dealer.
  • Even Ray J, who’s not actually famous, has a tragic/funny cameo.
Who knew Sticky friends with so many people? Cause there’s no way he paid them.

T&A: Good amount of booty shaking. At least one scene of simulated sex and bare breasts. All females in the film are either bitches or hos. Now, that’s blaxploitation!

Gore: Lots and lots of gunshot fatalities (the best of which is done execution style). Also, a guy gets stabbed in the neck with scissors. Oh yeah, and one case of vehicular infanticide!

WTF Moment: Fredro is shot in the chest at close range multiple times, which sends him to intensive care. Later that day (yes, same day, remember the name of the film), Fredro checks himself out of the hospital, having recovered enough to his satisfaction.

Perhaps, the bullets bounced off some bullets that had already been lodged in his chest from a previous attack?

Anyhow, upon his release, having not shot anybody in several hours, Fredro, unprovoked, unloads his gun on one of his friends who has come pick him up at the hospital. Why!?!? I don’t think anybody will ever know, but I definitely appreciated this senseless violent act.

Insano Steve's Final Prognosis: See this fucking movie. At least, for novelty sake. I mean this film has singlehandedly reaffirmed my faith in modern black cinema.

I had once been lost and confused. Searching for something to fill the emptiness in my soul that was once filled with rap and gang violence.

But now, I can say, once again, I am whole. Yes, I have found my savior. And my savior’s name is Sticky Fingaz, ……

Alternate Rating: 4 YEARS, NO PAROLE!

Rating:

Check out the long ass trailer.





Check out the shorty trailer homey.



20100311

0

A Day in the Life Yo, They be rappin their lines as they go

Thank the gods for Insano Steve's endless search for the modern day blaxsploitation movie. Like an innocent bystander getting shot, Insano Steve found this awesome flick from the depths of DVD obscurity. What is it?

It's a hip hop/rappin musical brought to you by Sticky Fingaz (from the group Onyx). I'm not kidding. Think Waist Deep meets Menace to Society meets Annie.

Insano Steve is gonna review this bad boy for ya so in the meantime check out the trailer below. It's bloody, its graphic, it stars multiple people you know (from rappers to black actors). It's got baby mammas, gangstas, cops and hitmen.

It's fuckin awesome. You feel me?

Check out the long ass trailer.





Check out the shorty trailer homey.



20100226

0

Can't we all just get along? (Racial Satire at its raciest)

With February being Black History Month, I could have done what Andre @ The Horror Digest has been doing all month and honoring famous black actors and movies. But we here at the jaded viewer tend to skew our look at black history with a different perspective. I've already put up my sarcastic A Not So Good Moment in Black Horror Movie History (if you have another suggestion, let me know)

African Americans have blended into pop culture and should be honored in our new Obama nation. But the struggle continues. And the one thing we should learn about the past is its been a difficult path to gain full acceptance into Americana. The struggle and the revolution continues and we should all keep fighting the good fight.

But the history of this movement in film is filled with lots of satire, anger, revenge and humor. Yes folks, humor. I've pulled some trailers below of some infamous racial satires that slant towards the struggle, the horrifying truths and the improbable funnyness of all that is black and white.

Fight the power!

First the racy raciest race movies of the 70s. Here is the trailer for Fight for Your Life, a film about racist motherfuckers that get their comeuppance.





What could be worse than that? How about the trailer for Goodbye Uncle Tom, a movie about the slave trade by notorious Mondo Cane directors Gualtiero Jacopetti and Franco Prosperi.





A little too much for ya right? OK, let's go get some funnies. Here's the trailer for The Thing with Two Heads.





And finally the whole movie for Watermelon Man is on YouTube. If you've never heard of Watermelon Man before is the plot:

An extremely bigoted white man find out the hard (and somewhat humorous) way what it's like being a black man, firsthand!





So what's the modern version look like today? Well anything from Spike Lee of course. But Black Dynamite was released on DVD last week and is one of the funniest parodies of blaxsploitation movies.

This concludes my contribution to Black History Month. If your looking for more black movies in film, check out Insano Steve's The 10 Best Black Films of the 1990's.

20100216

0

Shut Yo Mouth! Black Dynamite is out on DVD/Blu-Ray Today!!!

Did you know that if you purchase Black Dynamite on Blu Ray or DVD you SAVE an orphan from being addicted from smack???

You didn't know that did you? Well it's true. I know you guys don't want to see a 6 year old, addicted to smack breaking into your home, playing your Xbox 360, drinking a Dr. Pepper and then selling your horror collection for a fix.

So do something about it! By purchasing Black Dynamite, you get that kid off the street and into a detox program where he will be given the best in medical treatment (or what's under Black Dynamite's health coverage, plus he gets a lollipop and a dollar worth of quarters for the local arcade).

If that doesn't convince you, then check out the links below.

jaded viewer related linkage:
other awesome linkage:

OK head over to your nearest big box store or these fine online retailers.


Check out the trailer.





Tags:
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20091208

0

The Shortround: Black Santa's Revenge (Teaser Trailer)

What happens when you mix blaxploitation and Christmas? Oh you get Ken Foree kicking freakin ass as Black Santa in Black Santa's Revenge, a short from David Walker.

The teaser trailer is chock full of chocolate chip badass goodness. Fuck Milk! I think we all need to see this for the taglines and one liners.

"In a city where crimes runs rampant and despair rules the streets, one man delivers hope with a VENGEANCE!"

(sounds like Detroit)

"He Knows When You've Been Naughty"

(Nice people get shot by the naughty)

"Merry Christmas you naughty motherf*cker!"

(he's got a shotgun!)

Check out the teaser trailer below.





For more inforama, check out the official site. It's now available for digital download as well. It's also premiering at the Horror Society Holiday of Horrors Film Festival on December 12th in Chicago.

20091023

0

See Black Dynamite, Save Orphans from Smack!

Well this is a rare Saturday post because we have an emergency.

Did you know if you go to the theater and watch Black Dynamite an orphan gets detoxed from smack?

You didn't know that did you. Well it's true. I know you guys don't want to see a 6 year old, addicted to smack breaking into your home looking for some loose change so he can get his next fix.

So do something about it! By donating money to see Black Dynamite, you get that kid off the street and into a detox program where he will be given the best in medical treatment (plus he gets a lollipop and a a dollar worth of quarters for the local arcade).

In all seriousness, Black Dynamite has gotten this theatrical run due to the blogs, fan hype and word of mouth. But this has not equaled box office success. If the movie doesn't get more dead presidents, it'll be pulled from it's theatrical run.

So let's get crackin. Do it for the orphans and for the blaxploitation engine that could.

If that doesn't convince you, then check out the links below.

jaded viewer related linkage:
other awesome linkage:

So here are all theaters in the motherfuckin USA that are showing Black Dynamite.


BLACK DYNAMITE Locations & Theaters

New York
Regal E-Walk Stadium
Angelika Film Center

Los Angeles
AMC Burbank Town Center
The Bridge
The Arclight Hollywood

Philadelphia
AMC Loews Cherry Hill

Atlanta
Regal Atlantic Station
Regal Hollywood
AMC North Dekalb Mall
AMC Parkway Point
AMC Discover Mills 18

Seattle
AMC Pacific Place 11
Varsity Theater
Regal Parkway Plaza 12

Chicago
AMC Loews 600 North Michigan
AMC Loews Pipers Alley
ICE Chatham

Check out the trailer.





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20091008

0

Black Dynamite (Review)

Black Dynamite

Black Dynamite (2009)

Directed by Scott Sanders

"Listen sucka, I'm blacker than the ace of spades and more militant than you and your whole damn army put together"

"Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only matched by your zest of kung-fu treachery"

"Freeze you jive time suckas!"

Those are just some of the lines that Black Dynamite utters when kicking The Man's ass and dealing with some jive ass turkeys. There are a few more quotey quotables that had me on the fuckin ground. But the dialogue is only a tiny smack vial in this great movie which undoubtedly will be one of my Top 10 Movies of 2009.

Black Dynamite leap frogs up top to the best the blaxploitation parody genre has to offer. I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Don't be a Menace..., Undercover Brother, Friday are classics in this but nobody has had the balls to go all out and never stop, 70s style. The jokes are a mile a minute, the dialogue is spoof-irific, every gag scene is gag-tastic and the look and feel make you feel your back in the 70s.

The movie, running about 90 minutes doesn't stop in its genius comedy of ripping apart the blaxploitation gimmicks and logical illogics. It's a black time capsule of spoof. If you've seen the blaxsploitation classics its spoofing it becomes 100 times better. Shaft, Coffy and something I recently saw, Black Gestapo are utterly parodied to perfection.

I haven't laughed that hard since seeing Black Devil Doll because the beauty of being ridiculous is making sure the audience knows you're being ridiculous. So self aware is Black Dynamite, when we close in on a gratuitous closeup stare by our super brotha, we know he knows we know. You dig?

Boring Plot-O-Matic

When “The Man” murders his brother, pumps heroin into local orphanages, and floods the ghetto with adulterated malt liquor, Black Dynamite is the one hero willing to fight all the way from the blood-soaked city streets to the hallowed halls of the Honky House.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

So for this review, I get quotable. It's the only way I can get through my random thoughts on the flick.

"Anaconda Malt Liquor gives you ooooooooooooo"

From the opening scene of a TV ad for Anaconda Malt Liquor to the closing credits (extra scenes at the end for you IMDB crazy credits peeps), the gags start right off and they don't let up. Our man Black Dynamite (Michael Jai White) is the complete package. A former orphan, he's a player's playa with the ladies, an ex Vietman Vet, CIA agent and a soul brotha soldier. But when his brother gets killed, he has to exact revenge and clean up the streets.

"Who the hell is interrupting my kung fu?"

Many of the best scenes are parodies of kung fu flicks. BD is a numchuck master and the fight scenes are classic editing craziness. It's full of brute punches and Street Fighter kicks, BD has unlimited hit points. I even expected a hadouken to spawn.


"Black Dynamite, that was the best lovin I've ever had"


The ladies can't stand the smile (or lack thereof) of the man. They become butter in his fingers. BD taps the ass of many fine beauties and the the movie doesn't let up on some fine ass boobies. As BD courts smart sista Gloria, it's classic beauty and the beast. Just don't call Gloria a beast.

OK, I'm going to try condense my thoughts and just get to the chicken and donuts of this review. There are a ton of baddies who wanna take down Black Dynamite. These include:

1.) Pimps and drug dealers dealin smack in the orphanage
2.) The corrupt cops
3.) The Man
4.) Dr. Wu
5.) The President

All are dispatched of in true Black Dynamite style with "Dynamite! Dynamite!" jingles and throwaway one liners.

There are gags o plenty that are utterly magnificent. An unlit cigarette being smoked, a boom hits an afro, an overused car explosion, kids suffering from smack addiction in the orphanage, yada yada yada. I'll be ruining the flick if I told you anymore. You dig?

The all star cast cameos can't be ignored as well. Again, just sit back and watch as cameos flood the screen. If you don't recognize some of these pimps and drug dealers (guess who Tasty Freeze and Kotex and Chicago Wind are), you should be shot with a hand cannon. Michael Jai White is flawless in his performance, reciting jive talk like Jay Z lyricalling lyrics. Some of the lines are intentionally off then quickly corrected and White sells his persona and his physique (I mean he was Spawn and Tyson right?) to the max. Black Dynamite's army also shines like hot sauce on a donut. Tommy Davidson plays Cream Corn who has Katt Williams like pimpitude. Bullhorn, another friend-dude helps BD kick some motherfuckin ass.

Finally, the look and feel of Black Dynamite make you DeLorean into the past. The soundtrack is jazzed and funked up. The intentional blurry closeups, bad editing and fade ins and outs are cinema styilized for maximum effect. The sound effects are played like a soundboard and you can't ignore the use of 4th wall breaking with closeups galore.

All in all, you get one of the funniest film spoofs to hit the screen since Austin Powers. I never had so much fun watching a movie this year. Michael Jai White and director Scott Sanders in attendance, saw a very predominant crowd of non honkies LOL and ROFL for 90 minutes straight. I'm sure it was thrill for them to see NYC represent in this sold out screening.

Sure you can see a Eisenberg/Cera suburban self aware comedy, but when you get tired of the vanilla, that's where Black Dynamite comes in. It's pure chocolate deliciousness, topped with hot fudge and a cherry. And don't you want to see Black Dynamite pop that cherry? You dig?

Nude-ipedia

Black boobies
White boobies
Asian boobies
It's a multicultural collection of boobies!

WTF moment

The demise of Dr. Wu by a clever and very fast Black Dynamite

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Black Dynamite opens nationwide October 16th. I'm not sure if it will get wide distribution but if it does, you MUST SEE THIS FILM.

At first, when I saw the trailer months ago I thought this was an actual blaxploitation movie for the new millenium. What I saw yesterday was better. Black Dynamite hits on all those funny bones of every blaxploitaiton spoof plus being a blaxploitation movie in itself, it balances it out nicely so that you get the best of both worlds. This easily gets 4 spinkicks.

The movie ends on an apology as Black Dynamite says: "I'm sorry I pimped slapped you into that china cabinet". If you don't see this movie, I may be doing that to all of you jive ass suckas!


Rating:



Check out the trailer.





jaded viewer related linkage:
Black Dynamite viral yumminess
Fight Smack in the Oprphanage!!!
Black Dynamite and Supreme Court Judge Sotomayor and Numchucks
Black Dynamite meets Barry (ahem Barack)
Anaconda Malt Liquor videos

Official Site
Black Dynamite Yo Self!
Black Dynamite Facebook site

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Black Dynamite (Exclusive Clips!)

It's Thursday. It's a very good Thursday because tonight I'm going to see Black Dynamite! Wooohooo! Yay! Too bad suckas!

Well I've been hyping up this flick by posting the trailer, putting up funny ass clips and Fighting Smack in the Orphanage.

I'm super amped up to see this flick and you should be too. I'm going to get ready by drinking a 40 of some Anaconda Malt Liquor and also fighting that damn smack in the orphanage. You should too. I mean these little orphans are hooked and prostituting by the age of 2 for shits sake.

My review will be up tomorrow (hopefully if I don't drink to much Anaconda). For now, check out some exclusive clips from some jibber jabbering cult sites FunnyorDie and OnSmash.com.


OnSmack.com Black Firecracker TNT with Ebony Explosion “Black Dynamite's Dojo”






FunnyorDie.com's Fight Smack in the Orphanage "Man on the Street





FunnyorDie.com's War on Smack





Also, we got more viral yumminess. What else you ask you jive ass fool?

Black Dynamite Yo'Self

Black Dynamite Talkin' Jive (Soundboard)


Aren't you psyched up you punk ass brothas?

Black Dynamite opens October 16th.