Machete Maidens Unleashed! (Review)

Machete Maidens Unleashed!

Machete Maidens Unleashed (2010)

Directed by Mark Hartley

[part of the NYAFF 2011]

I've been looking forward to checking out Mark Hartley's latest documentary Machete Maidens Unleashed for a while now. After checking out the trailer, I was salivating to see the history of Filipino exploitation films as I was too young to know what these films were and how they were made. Thanks to the New York Asian Film Festival (NYAFF2011) my dream is now a reality. Hartley, who last made Ozploitation a household name (that's Australian exploitation flicks) with Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation! takes on the world of exploitation films created in the jungle depths of the Philippines and interviews the bejesus out of everybody who ever made one.

Machete Maidens Unleashed is an awesome in depth look into a period of filmmaking history where anything went, labor was cheap, the blood poured and the boobs, well they were real and they were spectacular. Hartley takes the footage, the gimmicks, the taglines and interviews from the likes of Roger Corman, John Landis, legendary Filipino director Eddie Romero and others to tell the story of what it was like to film mutated creatures, hot women in prison, blaxsploitation and rebellious war flicks. It's a fast paced doc, getting a soundbyte here while simultaneously flashing boobs in your face and decapitating an arm.

What you gain is a clear understanding of filmmaking via New World Pictures (Corman's company) and the people under him. It's nostalgic, funny and mesmerizing to watch. And it's clearly one of the best movies of 2011 in my opinion.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A fast moving odyssey into the subterranean world of the rarely explored province of Filipino genre filmmaking.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

The movie is broken apart via the different genres filmed in the Philippines. These include:

• Blood Island series of films
• Women in prison films (eg. The Big Dollhouse, Black Mama, White Mama)
• War/Revolution films
• Blaxsploitation films (eg. Savage, TNT Jackson)
• Hollywood parodies (eg. Weng Weng)
• Apocalypse Now history

All the sections are really interesting in their own right. The Philippines was a haven for Corman and his directors to shoot low budget films that look like big giant blockbusters. They flew in beautiful actresses including breakout star Pam Grier and just had them kick ass and get naked. With the blessing of dictator Ferdinand Marcos and the Filipino army and stuntmen at their disposal, New World Pictures was able to make popular genre films for what seems like less than a buck and make millions.

It's just crazy interesting to look back at real exploitation films and see how they were made. These days, "exploitation films" via the Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino are big budget spectaculars. But seeing the original bizarre plots, bad acting, gratuitous nudity and unreal stunts and how it all came to be is something Generation X,Y and Z never really had a chance to experience.

The interviews, though rapidly short are full of one line soundbytes and moments of WTF. Roger Corman gives you accounts of his library of films filmed in these islands. Joe Dante and Allan Arkush give you an insight look into how they cut trailers where the trailers were made to sell the film with gimmicks and non existent plot lines. I loved the interviews with the Filipino directors which included Eddie Romero and Cirio Santiago. They were Filipinos who made American movies. Romero's take on his experience with Corman is one of genuine admiration. He strived to make Grade A movies and never thought he was making B movies. Santiago directed so many classics such as Savage and TNT Jackson. To think a Filipino director made blaxsploitation blows my fuckin mind. Just freakin fascinating.

The film was originally suppose to be Hartley's attempt to profile Weng Weng, the midget who made James Bond spoofs. There is a section here in Machete Maidens Unleashed on Weng Weng and it's also a hoot. We even get an interview with Filipino film historians, critics and other film luminaries about this universe of crazy filmmaking.

But the documentary's proudest moment has gotta be the endless boob shots. The women in prison movies then women in chains turned revenge flicks is the money shot of the documentary. Beautiful women and their breasts are endlessly looped to show you that these may have been the first films where women were leads and played action heroes. Is it total exploitation or a glimpse into 70s feminism? Thinking about it hurts my head. We get interviews with the actresses and it's just absolutely wild to see what they look like now compared to their hotness decades ago. Pam Grier is still freakin hot.

Machete Maidens Unleashed! is a manic albeit short look into the world of guerrilla filmmaking. There have been other docs profiling Corman and his flicks but none gets you sweaty, bloody and stiff like this one does. It's got me checking Netflix to see if I can watch some of these films in their entirety.

We use the term exploitation film so loosely these days. Anything that resembles something that might be a reboot of a genre from the 60s, 70s or 80s is given that label. But true exploitation films are exactly that. They exploited the audience's perceptions and desires. If the audience dug gratuitous nudity, you made a film that had tons of it. If the viewers wanted blood and guts, you cut off an arm. If you wanted to see a naked black woman kick ass with her boobs all bouncy, you made that happen. Those films were true exploitation and we'll never have a "golden" age like that again. Machete Maidens Unleashed! is your chance to see a history of filmmaking that is the epitome of WTF movies.

And also who doesn't like seeing a hot topless girl fire machine guns.

Gore-ipedia

Tons!

Nude-ipedia

Tons and tons and tons!

WTF moment

I question why I haven't seen more women in prison films

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

NYAFF 2011 film festival opens on 7/1. I've created a list of films to check out at this year's festival. Machete Maidens Unleashed screens on July 2nd at 7pm and is followed by a showing of Raw Force.

Head over to the official site for more info.

The Vitals

• The Official Site
• Facebook Page

Rating:


Check out the trailer!

The WTF Films of Filipino Exploitation

I've been dying to see Machete Maidens Unleashed, the documentary by Mark Hartley (Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation!) about Filipino exploitation flicks. Most of these flicks were filmed in the Philippines and ranged from blaxploitation to kung fu. I remember my dad having some of these flicks on VHS and they were horribly cheesy. But my dad let me watch these flicks and as an impressionable tween, I got to see some partial nudity and random acts of violence.

Now years later, looking back at these flicks I realize now my interest towards all that was weird and edgy is probably due to the 80s action flicks of Cannon and Filipino exploitation. My dad should be proud he let me watch. Now all I do on this site is reminisce about these films :-)

So here's a taste of my childhood, in all its bad kung fu, gratuitous nudity, horrible acting and incoherent plots.

the jaded viewer says: Raw Force. It's pretty much the pinnacle of Filipino exploitation.

the jaded viewer says: One Armed Executioner: He scores the white chick and kicks ass with one arm. He's Handi-armed and dangerous!





the jaded viewer says: For Your Height only. Weng Weng is legen...wait for it....dary!




the jaded viewer says: TNT Jackson. She'll kung fu your ass while her titties be bouncing sucka!



the jaded viewer says: Black Mama, White Mama. Women in Prison 'sploitation! Stars Pam Grier and Sid Haig and directed by Filipino vet Eddie Romero. Probably the awesomest premise ever.




Makes you wanna see some of these right? What exploitation flick is MUST SEE for anybody who wants to catch up on this type of stuff?

The Shortround: The Deadneks Trilogy of Blood (Review)

If you have an indie short, our motto at the jaded viewer is we'll review it. So our latest edition of The Shortround is a grindhouse short via Ruckus Productions called The Deadneks - Trilogy of Blood. Featuring the psychobilly sickos The Deadneks, we get a full blown exploitation homage as 3 city girls wind up in Bumfuck Hillbilly USA.

Here be the plot:

When a trio of sexy city gals picks up a broken-down hillbilly in the backwoods of Virginia – the three kittens get A LOT more than they bargained for when they accept the drifter’s invitation to a down-home barbecue. What these lovely ladies don’t know just may hurt ‘em – when they find that the menu of this hayseed hoe-down isn’t the standard ‘burgers and dogs’…

the jaded viewer says: Shot on a claimed budget of $62, Trilogy of Blood is a 27 minute long Deadneks music video with a Herschel Gordon Lewis grindhouse homage blended in. Ruckus Productions spared no expense (well maybe expenses for beer, Spencer Gifts decaped arms and blood and more beer) to give us a look and feel of an exploitation film circa the 70s. The tagline says it all:

SEE the BLOOD! FEEL the TERROR! HEAR the PSYCHOBILLY SICKNESS!!!! Experience the sensory TRIPLE-SKULL-FUCK that is…TRILOGY OF BLOOD!!!!!!!!

Damn that's alot of exclamation points.

Add in the grainy staticky footage and some Gordon Lewis homages from 2000 Maniacs to Blood Feast and you got a nice decent short with 3 performances by The Deadneks whose punk rock style is a blend of The Misfits, The Cramps and Reverend Horton Heat. I haven't heard psychobilly punk in a while since my early punk rock days and it was nice to hear some good tunes while seeing ocular trauma, smashed heads and cannibal rednecks. We even get a horrific chubby fuck, incest makeout session and a boink-o-thon on a tractor trailer.

I've never seen that before.

Trilogy of Terror is grindhouse schlock with a killer soundtrack that horror and punk rock fans should check it out. I'm not saying it's the best the grindhouse has to offer but it's got all the basics and cliches and offers nothing more, nothing less.

Boobs, blood, beer and rock and roll. If that's your poison, check it out.

The Vitals

• Fun Fact: Brenna Roth (daughter of David Lee Roth) stars as one of the girls
• Picked to be part of the Underground Horror Fest II taking place in March of 2011
• 2010 Horrorfind Weekend and Fright Night Filmfest selection
• Official Site
• Facebook Page

Check out the trailer!

Hobo with a Shotgun (Review)

Hobo with a Shotgun

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

Directed by Jason Eisener

"Delivering justice, one shell at a time..."

Don't fuck with the homeless.

That's the lesson I learned after watching Hobo with a Shotgun, the infamous grindhouse trailer turned full frontal feature from director Jason Eisener. If this was the 3rd film in a triple feature with Planet Terror and Death Proof, I'd have to say it was the best of the three by far.

Hobo with a Shotgun punched me in the face with it's witty humor, clever cleverisms and pure blood drenched awesomeness. It's a time travel throwback to 80s Troma mixed in with Street Trash and would be a banned video nasty if this were 1985. Each scene is like a mini trailer in itself, which you could cut up and edit and make 10 more trailers out of the film.

But even though it's hilariously ridiculous and you start scratching your head with one WTF after the other, it still never loses it's power to make you laugh, make you scream and make you applaud like a pimp at a whore convention.

Hobo with a Shotgun hits harder than a cop during a riot. You're not going to get a better throwback grindhouse movie this year. And for the first time in a long time, I'm giving it the highest rating the jaded viewer can bestow.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A train pulls into the station - it's the end of the line. A Hobo jumps from a freight car, hoping for a fresh start in a new city. Instead, he finds himself trapped in an urban hell. This is a world where criminals rule the streets and Drake, the city's crime boss, reigns supreme alongside his sadistic murderous sons, Slick & Ivan.

Amidst the chaos, the Hobo comes across a pawn shop window displaying a second hand lawn mower. He dreams of making the city a beautiful place and starting a new life for himself. But as the brutality continues to rage around him, he notices a shotgun hanging above the lawn mower... Quickly, he realizes the only way to make a difference in this town is with that gun in his hand and two shells in its chamber.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

There's not an overcomplicated story here. The movie is exactly what the title says. It's about a hobo with a shotgun. But our hobo (Rutger Hauer) arrives in Scum Town (renamed Fuck town by the locals) and immediately realizes this is one fucked up town. The town is run by Drake (Brian Downey), a clean cut evil crime boss who with his two sons Slick and Ivan (who are preppie douchebag killers) are willing to display their cruel and unusual punishment to keep the locals in line.

Did I mention the film takes place circa sometime in the 80s?

That's the first thing that makes you go WTF. Our hobo wanders the streets and we see what he sees. Boom boxes, video cassette video cameras, arcade machines and 80s jazzy clothing that makes you think we're in some Beastie Boys video. And it wouldn't be the 80s without some fuckin coke right? Cocaine is like Krispy Kreme donuts. Everybody is addicted! The town is full of low life pimps, bumfight entrepreneurs and Santa child predators. It's a fuckin shitty place.

Soon he meets a hot prostitute Abby and saves her from the clutches of our asshole preps. Abby and our hobo seemed to be both misfits in a town full of crazies but they start to form a bond. When you think HWAS would start to slow down during these non gore soaked moments, it doesn't. The conversation between our Hobo and our whore are hilarious. From talking about bears, an alternate job for Abby and to our Hobo's dream of buying a lawnmower!?!? so he can start his own business, the ridiculous and over the top conversation is as equally if not more awesome than the succeeding gore and splatter that embody a homeless man exacting vengeance with a shotgun.

Which brings us to the grindhouse and exploitation masterpiece that's been constructed by Eisener. It has a look and feel of a grindhouse films from the opening titles (Filmed in Technicolor!) to the shades of green and red tints that resemble your vintage graininess. But red is the color that dominates Hobo with a Shotgun and we get buckets of it. Your Gore-ipedia includes ripped off heads, shotgun trauma, blood splatter windows, hand splatter, neck gore and some sick slice and dice.

Once we get to the mid camp ending, all hell has broken loose. After some close calls in a battle between Slick and Ivan versus Hobo and Abby Drake brings in the big guns called "The Plague" to take down our Hobo who's been cleaning the gutter trash criminals off the street. These 2 heavily armored metal rejects slaughter a hospital staff before we get a Mad Max finale complete with a Mexican standoff.

Rutger Hauer is nearly flawless as our 100% hobo vigilante. It's like he copied the persona of one of the bumfight participants and as he yammers in his peculiar conversations you get 100% hooked. He's an old cranky man who knows shit and Hauer makes it believable. Downey as Drake plays it pretty over the top and our two preppie douchebags (Gregory Smith and Nick Bateman) give performances like they were mutated evil from a John Hughes film. Molly Dunsworth as Abby evolves from down and out hooker to an ever dedicated sidekick and does a great job looking hot and kicking ass.

Everything from Hobo with a Shotgun is viciously fucked up. It lives up to it's title because it's initial premise evolves into a full frontal assault of pure tastelessness. From vulgarities revolving orifices to maddening threats of torture, it's going to be obscene just to be obscene. Damn how I love that. I love the fact it never wavers, never says let's be a little PG-13 here or be a little tame in this scene. Nope. It goes all out to make you feel like you've been exploited for having seen this. Your going to laugh at seeing somebody get the shit beaten out of em and your not going to feel guilty at all.

Neo grindhouse has been on the up and up with remakes of 70s cult classics being assembly line made. It's refreshing to see a homegrown (in this case Canada) being made. Hobo with a Shotgun is old and new. If this was made in the 80s, it would SO be remade by now. It's because of all this that I proudly give Hobo with a Shotgun the rare 4 spinkicks.

Now give that homeless man on the street corner some spare change or you might get a hole in your chest.

Nude-ipedia

We get some titties

WTF moment

The Plague battle an octopus?!?

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I was able to see this gem during a screening courtesy of Magnet Releasing. Hobo with a Shotgun comes out on April 1st on Demand and May 6th in theaters. Here are some interesting fun facts:

• Original grindhouse trailer was made for $150 and won the SXSW Tarantino/Rodriguez Grindhouse trailer competition
• The Director of Photagraphy is Karim Hussain who made the cult classic Subconscious Cruelty
• Producer Rob Cotterhill (with Eisener) made the short Treevenge
• Only a few scenes from the original fake trailer made it to the feature

The Vitals

• The offical site
• Facebook Page

Rating:

Check out the trailer.



Here's the original fake trailer

Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives (Review)

Ticked-off Trannies with Knives

Ticked-off Trannies with Knives (2010)

Directed by Israel Luna

Well ain't that a title huh?

It's quite odd that I review a movie that coincides with certain coincidental current events. Recently at Rutgers University a man committed suicide after he was webcamed by his roommate having relations with another man.

Because of this there has been quite a news buzz on the plight of gay men and women who've been victimized by society at large. GLAAD and other groups have gotten more exposure because of these horrific events.

So its timely that Israel Luna's movie comes out during this climate. It's a pure revenge throwback circa the 70s and 80s that's quite literally over the top. The top of what? Who the hell knows?

During its run at the Tribeca Film Festival, it made waves with GLAAD protesting its portrayal of its transgender vixens. I'll be the first to admit, I have no idea why they thought so after watching the movie. Of course I'm not gonna think every "tranny" is a knife wielding, man hating diva. But you'd think from the backlash, that's what GLAAD thinks will happen.

Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives is glamorized exploitation trash with a "Hey Girl" attitude. It's a little catty at times (probably had jokes I didn't get) and its only until the last 20 minutes do we get the title being accurately portrayed. But exploitation comes in all forms and this one is as odd as it comes.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Revenge takes balls, and no one knows it better than the ladies of "Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives", Israel Luna's over-the-top tale of sisterhood and cold-blooded, high-heeled vengeance. When the innocent and likable Bubbles Cliquot shows up for her nightly stage performance with a black eye, her transgender sisters suspect foul play from her latest boy toy.

In an attempt to get Bubbles back to her bubbly self, the girls take her out for a relaxed night of cocktails at a local gay bar. After a few drinks, the ladies' troubles seem far away, and Bubble's friends Emma Grashun and Rachel Slurr convince her to join them for a triple date with a pair of charming boys. Sadly, not even three tough-as-nails vixens could be prepared for the ambush that comes next. It turns out the blind date is set up by Boner, the baseball-bat-wielding, tranny-hating rapist who gave Bubbles her shiner.

After luring them into an abandoned warehouse, Boner and his two beefy minions unleash all their hatred on the unsuspecting ladies, leaving them bashed and bruised, but not broken. After waking from her coma, Bubbles enlists the aid of her friends- the sharp-tongued Rachel and the fiercely protective Pinky La'Trimm - to bring her attackers to bloody justice. The ladies get in touch with their inner Zen before arming up with an assortment of bladed weapons and dressing in their finest dominatrix gear (if their knives don't kill, their looks surely will). Not even a man as psychotic as Boner could imagine the well crafted and ingeniously planned bloodbath that ensues.

The moral of the story: Hell hath no fury like a tranny scorned.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Holy trannies that's a hellalong synopsis. Obviously the flick follows the same formula as the rape revenge flicks you've all seen before. Girl meet guy, guy hurts girl, girl recruits her crew equipped with knives to kill guy. Nothing new here.

But let me say this. Most of America is not familiar with transgender people and I am part of this group. I've never seen "trannies" on the big screen before and oddly it was a little mesmerizing. Was this common in the 70s during the Times Square days?

With all due respect, I am totally ignorant of the transgender world. Men dressed as women? I wasn't sure if I was getting the jokes as I watched. Nutshelling the flick it went like this:

• First 30....Getting to know your trannies
• Next 30....Homophobic, racist alpha males fuck up the trannies
• Final 30....Trannies fuck up Homophobic, racist alpha males

The blending of the movie had some grindhousey moments. The movie had missing reels, staticky static and a few disclaimers. It makes the movie feel grimey Times Square-ish and Israel Luna definitely did his homework to give it that feel.

The torture and the revenge are amped up with low budget gore and splatter. Full knife arsenals are on display as are the most diva like outfits worn by our revenge bent heroines.The ending is clever, oozing of irony and mucho sexual innuendo.

I can't say I uber dug the film but it did keep me slightly entertained. The cast is a little amateurish at times with Krystal Summers as Bubbles having the bulk of the one-liners and screen time. The movie drags at times filled with quirky one liners which I found un-funny and the montagy Mr. Miyagi interlude seemed out of place. Sometime the movie would play as straightforward revenge and then go straight into camp. It was a pure tone pacing weirdness.

But Kelexis Davenport as Pinky La Trimm a hulky black mama has gotta be the standout. How far these characters are from real life transgender Americans, I do not know. But stereotypical characters steroided up are always fun to watch no matter what orientation, race or gender you are.

So should you slice and dice your way to seeing Ticked-Off Trannies? It's got a few WTF moments in that anti-political correctness sorta way. Back in the 70s, nobody fuckin cared out what the hell was on the screen. Africans were portrayed as savages, Asians as tribal and cannibals and rednecks were portrayed as well.... rednecks.

What Trannies does is fuel the exploitation fire of making you view a world you'd never thought you'd ever see. Throw in some cleavage and gore and a few WTF moments it'll have you smiling at the end. I mean this isn't Boys Don't Cry or Brokeback Mountain here. Jeez.

I mean honestly who can really get a message out of a movie with a title like that?


Gore-ipedia

Knife trauma
Slice and Dice

Nude-ipedia

Nada

WTF moment

Umm trannies with knives?

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The film was shot entirely in Dallas/FT Worth and Austin, Texas.

The movie will be in theaters in both NYC (starting 10/15) and LA (starting 10/22. It comes out on DVD 11/9. Here's the info on the LA screening.

OPENS OCT. 22, 2010
LAEMMLE'S SUNSET 5 THEATRE
8000 W Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, California 90046
(323) 848-3500
TRT: 90 minutes

Purchase tickets at: http://www.laemmle.com/viewtheatre.php?thid=2

Rating:


Check out the trailer below!

Machete Maidens Unleashed! (Trailer)

I can't believe this documentary was not on my radar at all. But perusing around Twitch, this trailer will smack you like a Weng Weng punch. From Mark Hartley, who gave us Not Quite Hollywood (his doc about the Australian exploitation boom), here he gives us a glimpse into the retro nuttiness of all things Filipino exploitation.

I should be an expert on this but I'm not. I've only seen a handful of 70s and 80s Filipino exploitation movies (some goofy war flicks and most of the Weng Weng flicks). I've also seen their cheesy B-movie horror flicks where monsters and pseudo vampires (they call them Aswangs) films. Obviously, I've seen some of the blaxploitation and kun fu-sploitation that took the jungle meets civilization approach. This excellent blog profiles all the Filipino Vietnam war movies When the Vietnam War raged... in the Philippines.

Knowing a few things about Filipino culture, their identity is a very mixed bag of colonization, war and corruption. Blending in Spanish, Chinese and American influences with their own culture, its reflected in their entertainment. Their film and TV spoofed Hollywood and took knee deep lore and legends and blew them up into rubber monster movies. War movies spawned and Bruce Lee was the hero the everyman Filipino could believe in...so why not imitate him.

The trailer alone is chock full of kung pow insanity. I am very psyched to see this. It premieres on July 24th @ the Melbourne Film Festival...in freakin Australia! Damn, I wish I lived in Australia...for like a week.

Head over to the Facebook page for more info!

OK enough talk. Check out the trailer below. What do you all think?

Black Dynamite (Review)

Black Dynamite

Black Dynamite (2009)

Directed by Scott Sanders

"Listen sucka, I'm blacker than the ace of spades and more militant than you and your whole damn army put together"

"Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only matched by your zest of kung-fu treachery"

"Freeze you jive time suckas!"

Those are just some of the lines that Black Dynamite utters when kicking The Man's ass and dealing with some jive ass turkeys. There are a few more quotey quotables that had me on the fuckin ground. But the dialogue is only a tiny smack vial in this great movie which undoubtedly will be one of my Top 10 Movies of 2009.

Black Dynamite leap frogs up top to the best the blaxploitation parody genre has to offer. I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Don't be a Menace..., Undercover Brother, Friday are classics in this but nobody has had the balls to go all out and never stop, 70s style. The jokes are a mile a minute, the dialogue is spoof-irific, every gag scene is gag-tastic and the look and feel make you feel your back in the 70s.

The movie, running about 90 minutes doesn't stop in its genius comedy of ripping apart the blaxploitation gimmicks and logical illogics. It's a black time capsule of spoof. If you've seen the blaxsploitation classics its spoofing it becomes 100 times better. Shaft, Coffy and something I recently saw, Black Gestapo are utterly parodied to perfection.

I haven't laughed that hard since seeing Black Devil Doll because the beauty of being ridiculous is making sure the audience knows you're being ridiculous. So self aware is Black Dynamite, when we close in on a gratuitous closeup stare by our super brotha, we know he knows we know. You dig?

Boring Plot-O-Matic

When “The Man” murders his brother, pumps heroin into local orphanages, and floods the ghetto with adulterated malt liquor, Black Dynamite is the one hero willing to fight all the way from the blood-soaked city streets to the hallowed halls of the Honky House.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

So for this review, I get quotable. It's the only way I can get through my random thoughts on the flick.

"Anaconda Malt Liquor gives you ooooooooooooo"

From the opening scene of a TV ad for Anaconda Malt Liquor to the closing credits (extra scenes at the end for you IMDB crazy credits peeps), the gags start right off and they don't let up. Our man Black Dynamite (Michael Jai White) is the complete package. A former orphan, he's a player's playa with the ladies, an ex Vietman Vet, CIA agent and a soul brotha soldier. But when his brother gets killed, he has to exact revenge and clean up the streets.

"Who the hell is interrupting my kung fu?"

Many of the best scenes are parodies of kung fu flicks. BD is a numchuck master and the fight scenes are classic editing craziness. It's full of brute punches and Street Fighter kicks, BD has unlimited hit points. I even expected a hadouken to spawn.


"Black Dynamite, that was the best lovin I've ever had"

The ladies can't stand the smile (or lack thereof) of the man. They become butter in his fingers. BD taps the ass of many fine beauties and the the movie doesn't let up on some fine ass boobies. As BD courts smart sista Gloria, it's classic beauty and the beast. Just don't call Gloria a beast.

OK, I'm going to try condense my thoughts and just get to the chicken and donuts of this review. There are a ton of baddies who wanna take down Black Dynamite. These include:

1.) Pimps and drug dealers dealin smack in the orphanage
2.) The corrupt cops
3.) The Man
4.) Dr. Wu
5.) The President

All are dispatched of in true Black Dynamite style with "Dynamite! Dynamite!" jingles and throwaway one liners.

There are gags o plenty that are utterly magnificent. An unlit cigarette being smoked, a boom hits an afro, an overused car explosion, kids suffering from smack addiction in the orphanage, yada yada yada. I'll be ruining the flick if I told you anymore. You dig?

The all star cast cameos can't be ignored as well. Again, just sit back and watch as cameos flood the screen. If you don't recognize some of these pimps and drug dealers (guess who Tasty Freeze and Kotex and Chicago Wind are), you should be shot with a hand cannon. Michael Jai White is flawless in his performance, reciting jive talk like Jay Z lyricalling lyrics. Some of the lines are intentionally off then quickly corrected and White sells his persona and his physique (I mean he was Spawn and Tyson right?) to the max. Black Dynamite's army also shines like hot sauce on a donut. Tommy Davidson plays Cream Corn who has Katt Williams like pimpitude. Bullhorn, another friend-dude helps BD kick some motherfuckin ass.

Finally, the look and feel of Black Dynamite make you DeLorean into the past. The soundtrack is jazzed and funked up. The intentional blurry closeups, bad editing and fade ins and outs are cinema styilized for maximum effect. The sound effects are played like a soundboard and you can't ignore the use of 4th wall breaking with closeups galore.

All in all, you get one of the funniest film spoofs to hit the screen since Austin Powers. I never had so much fun watching a movie this year. Michael Jai White and director Scott Sanders in attendance, saw a very predominant crowd of non honkies LOL and ROFL for 90 minutes straight. I'm sure it was thrill for them to see NYC represent in this sold out screening.

Sure you can see a Eisenberg/Cera suburban self aware comedy, but when you get tired of the vanilla, that's where Black Dynamite comes in. It's pure chocolate deliciousness, topped with hot fudge and a cherry. And don't you want to see Black Dynamite pop that cherry? You dig?

Nude-ipedia

Black boobies
White boobies
Asian boobies
It's a multicultural collection of boobies!

WTF moment

The demise of Dr. Wu by a clever and very fast Black Dynamite

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Black Dynamite opens nationwide October 16th. I'm not sure if it will get wide distribution but if it does, you MUST SEE THIS FILM.

At first, when I saw the trailer months ago I thought this was an actual blaxploitation movie for the new millenium. What I saw yesterday was better. Black Dynamite hits on all those funny bones of every blaxploitaiton spoof plus being a blaxploitation movie in itself, it balances it out nicely so that you get the best of both worlds. This easily gets 4 spinkicks.

The movie ends on an apology as Black Dynamite says: "I'm sorry I pimped slapped you into that china cabinet". If you don't see this movie, I may be doing that to all of you jive ass suckas!

Rating:

Check out the trailer.

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Official Site
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Black Dynamite Facebook site

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