Hobo with a Shotgun (Review)

Hobo with a Shotgun

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

Directed by Jason Eisener

"Delivering justice, one shell at a time..."

Don't fuck with the homeless.

That's the lesson I learned after watching Hobo with a Shotgun, the infamous grindhouse trailer turned full frontal feature from director Jason Eisener. If this was the 3rd film in a triple feature with Planet Terror and Death Proof, I'd have to say it was the best of the three by far.

Hobo with a Shotgun punched me in the face with it's witty humor, clever cleverisms and pure blood drenched awesomeness. It's a time travel throwback to 80s Troma mixed in with Street Trash and would be a banned video nasty if this were 1985. Each scene is like a mini trailer in itself, which you could cut up and edit and make 10 more trailers out of the film.

But even though it's hilariously ridiculous and you start scratching your head with one WTF after the other, it still never loses it's power to make you laugh, make you scream and make you applaud like a pimp at a whore convention.

Hobo with a Shotgun hits harder than a cop during a riot. You're not going to get a better throwback grindhouse movie this year. And for the first time in a long time, I'm giving it the highest rating the jaded viewer can bestow.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A train pulls into the station - it's the end of the line. A Hobo jumps from a freight car, hoping for a fresh start in a new city. Instead, he finds himself trapped in an urban hell. This is a world where criminals rule the streets and Drake, the city's crime boss, reigns supreme alongside his sadistic murderous sons, Slick & Ivan.

Amidst the chaos, the Hobo comes across a pawn shop window displaying a second hand lawn mower. He dreams of making the city a beautiful place and starting a new life for himself. But as the brutality continues to rage around him, he notices a shotgun hanging above the lawn mower... Quickly, he realizes the only way to make a difference in this town is with that gun in his hand and two shells in its chamber.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

There's not an overcomplicated story here. The movie is exactly what the title says. It's about a hobo with a shotgun. But our hobo (Rutger Hauer) arrives in Scum Town (renamed Fuck town by the locals) and immediately realizes this is one fucked up town. The town is run by Drake (Brian Downey), a clean cut evil crime boss who with his two sons Slick and Ivan (who are preppie douchebag killers) are willing to display their cruel and unusual punishment to keep the locals in line.

Did I mention the film takes place circa sometime in the 80s?

That's the first thing that makes you go WTF. Our hobo wanders the streets and we see what he sees. Boom boxes, video cassette video cameras, arcade machines and 80s jazzy clothing that makes you think we're in some Beastie Boys video. And it wouldn't be the 80s without some fuckin coke right? Cocaine is like Krispy Kreme donuts. Everybody is addicted! The town is full of low life pimps, bumfight entrepreneurs and Santa child predators. It's a fuckin shitty place.

Soon he meets a hot prostitute Abby and saves her from the clutches of our asshole preps. Abby and our hobo seemed to be both misfits in a town full of crazies but they start to form a bond. When you think HWAS would start to slow down during these non gore soaked moments, it doesn't. The conversation between our Hobo and our whore are hilarious. From talking about bears, an alternate job for Abby and to our Hobo's dream of buying a lawnmower!?!? so he can start his own business, the ridiculous and over the top conversation is as equally if not more awesome than the succeeding gore and splatter that embody a homeless man exacting vengeance with a shotgun.

Which brings us to the grindhouse and exploitation masterpiece that's been constructed by Eisener. It has a look and feel of a grindhouse films from the opening titles (Filmed in Technicolor!) to the shades of green and red tints that resemble your vintage graininess. But red is the color that dominates Hobo with a Shotgun and we get buckets of it. Your Gore-ipedia includes ripped off heads, shotgun trauma, blood splatter windows, hand splatter, neck gore and some sick slice and dice.

Once we get to the mid camp ending, all hell has broken loose. After some close calls in a battle between Slick and Ivan versus Hobo and Abby Drake brings in the big guns called "The Plague" to take down our Hobo who's been cleaning the gutter trash criminals off the street. These 2 heavily armored metal rejects slaughter a hospital staff before we get a Mad Max finale complete with a Mexican standoff.

Rutger Hauer is nearly flawless as our 100% hobo vigilante. It's like he copied the persona of one of the bumfight participants and as he yammers in his peculiar conversations you get 100% hooked. He's an old cranky man who knows shit and Hauer makes it believable. Downey as Drake plays it pretty over the top and our two preppie douchebags (Gregory Smith and Nick Bateman) give performances like they were mutated evil from a John Hughes film. Molly Dunsworth as Abby evolves from down and out hooker to an ever dedicated sidekick and does a great job looking hot and kicking ass.

Everything from Hobo with a Shotgun is viciously fucked up. It lives up to it's title because it's initial premise evolves into a full frontal assault of pure tastelessness. From vulgarities revolving orifices to maddening threats of torture, it's going to be obscene just to be obscene. Damn how I love that. I love the fact it never wavers, never says let's be a little PG-13 here or be a little tame in this scene. Nope. It goes all out to make you feel like you've been exploited for having seen this. Your going to laugh at seeing somebody get the shit beaten out of em and your not going to feel guilty at all.

Neo grindhouse has been on the up and up with remakes of 70s cult classics being assembly line made. It's refreshing to see a homegrown (in this case Canada) being made. Hobo with a Shotgun is old and new. If this was made in the 80s, it would SO be remade by now. It's because of all this that I proudly give Hobo with a Shotgun the rare 4 spinkicks.

Now give that homeless man on the street corner some spare change or you might get a hole in your chest.

Nude-ipedia

We get some titties

WTF moment

The Plague battle an octopus?!?

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I was able to see this gem during a screening courtesy of Magnet Releasing. Hobo with a Shotgun comes out on April 1st on Demand and May 6th in theaters. Here are some interesting fun facts:

• Original grindhouse trailer was made for $150 and won the SXSW Tarantino/Rodriguez Grindhouse trailer competition
• The Director of Photagraphy is Karim Hussain who made the cult classic Subconscious Cruelty
• Producer Rob Cotterhill (with Eisener) made the short Treevenge
• Only a few scenes from the original fake trailer made it to the feature

The Vitals

• The offical site
• Facebook Page

Rating:

Check out the trailer.



Here's the original fake trailer

Hobo with a Shotgun (Trailer)

With the release of Machete, which was based on Robert Rodriguez's fake trailer in Grindhouse we are seeing a resurgence in the exploitation/grindhouse genre. But Machete isn't the only fake trailer that's been turned into a feature length movie.

Yup, Hobo with a Shotgun is also becoming a film.

If you haven't heard of this film, it was made by Nova Scotia, Canadian filmmakers Jason Eisener, John Davies, and Rob Cotteril. It won Robert Rodriguez's SXSW grindhouse contest and was included in Grindhouse when it was released in Canada. The fake trailer itself is awesome. Check it out below.

Now, its been made as a full length film starring Rutgar Hauer! Here be the plot:

A vigilante homeless man pulls into a new city and finds himself trapped in urban chaos, a city where crime rules and where the city's crime boss reigns. Seeing an urban landscape filled with armed robbers, corrupt cops, abused prostitutes and even a pedophile Santa, the Hobo goes about bringing justice to the city the best way he knows how - with a 20-gauge shotgun. Mayhem ensues when he tries to make things better for the future generation. Street justice will indeed prevail.

Here is the official trailer:





It has a Troma-ville feel to it. Very much like Street Trash and Combat Shock. This is true blood and guts filth at its finest. We'll see if it can live up to its fake trailer like Machete did.

What do you think?

Nun of That (Review)

Nun of That

Nun of That (2009)

Directed by Richard Griffin

I've been on an exploitation kick of sorts. Having seen Bitch Slap and singing the praises of Black Dynamite and Black Devil Doll, its been all 'sploitation all the time.

I hyped the film a while back and after winning a contest on Alternative Cinema, I got 4 DVDs from Shock-O-Rama Cinema including Nun of That.

So after cheering the shit out of the other 3 movies above, where does this heavenly movie stand?

It's pretty solid.

Richard Griffin (who directed Splatter Disco and Beyond the Dunwich Horror) takes the campy premise of crime fighting nuns going all renegade and taking on the Mafia and makes it part Troma film, part exploitation homage and as politically incorrect as you can be.

It's totally goofy, totally over the top and totally nun-tastic!

When you watch Shock-o-rama films, you have to take a different perspective. It's DIY cinema. Sure there are budget limitations, its got B-level dialogue and the CGI is laughable. But you genuinely see the director, the crew and the actors all give it their best and sometimes, something miraculous happens.

You get a fun flick.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Sister Kelly Wrath has got a habit… of flying off the handle. After being gunned down in an alley, she ascends to heaven to receive training from some of the great figures of religious mythology. She is then set back to Earth to join the other members of the Order of the Black Habit, a group of supernatural vigilante nuns, as they fight evil and seek revenge against the mob.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Well you gotta give them credit, the nunsploitation genre of grindhouse flicks hasn't been tapped for a while. It was about time for a reboot. If you're a Catholic or God fearing Republican, you may have a heart attack after you see Nun of That. This ain't Sister Act.

So who are these nuns in the Order of the Black Habit?

• Sister Wrath: She's a got temper like Jules and likes her women a la lesbo.
  
• Sister Pride: She probably make Ellen her bitch
  
• Sister Lust: Black mamba with a side of vengeance
  
• Sister Gluttony: Food is her mortal sin

So after Sister Wrath is kicked from her convent, she ends up on the other side of the tracks, dispatches of some would be thugs and dies and meets the J-man. J-man goes all Mr. Miyagi and we get a gratuitous training montage where the following happens.....

• She gets trained by Gandhi in the art of non violence violence
• Sees J-man sing a musical number
• Meets her guardian angel

After meeting her fellow sisters, they get down to business and start to kick ass. So whose ass are they kicking? Well there are a few baddies that need to be sent to hell. These include....

• Big Mama (the mama kingpin)
• Richie Corbucci (the #2)
• Viper Goldstein (a Jewish assassin)
• And various henchmen

So how do our vigilante nuns strike fear in the hearts of the criminal underground? Well with a 12 gauge shotgun and lots of ammunition. Various scenes of carnage include...

• A massacre of justice at a strip club
• A trip to an all nun bar called Bar-Nun
• A final climactic battle at a whorehouse

It's B-level justice delivered in short bursts of hilarity. Standard gunshots to the head, torso and a few Jewish ninja stars all make this a very fun flick Jesus would be proud of. Sure you get your standard molesting priest, Jewish jokes, lesbo nuns and holy priests (get it?), but its all tongue and cheek and tongue on tongue (wink wink) fun.

This is actually the first Richard Griffin or Shock-o-rama film I've seen since Cannibal Campout and I thought I'd have a hard time diggin the B-level and Troma like humor. But the fact is, the Troma movies tend to grow on you (I mean Poultrygeist was freakin damn good) and here you get special appearances from Debbie Rochon and Lloyd Kaufman giving their stamp of approval.

So when you get in the mood to see mindless entertainment and want to see nuns kickin ass, Nun of That might be your prayers answered.

Gore-ipedia

Lots of gunshot trauma

Nude-ipedia

You'd think we'd get lots of boobies, but Nun of That stays pretty clothed

WTF moment

Viper Goldstein the Jewish assassin needs his own movie

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

You kinda know what to expect when your watching a movie like Nun of That. I found it totally turn off your brain good. I mean it's not as good as Black Devil Doll or the others I mentioned but it's not irritatingly bad as you'd think it would be.

It's available via AlternativeCinema.com

Rating:
Check out the trailer below.







Here is the Nun of That 48 Hour Film Version






Tags:
nun of that, nun of that trailer , exploitation , 2009 grindhouse movies, exploitation films, gratuitous nudity, horror movies of 2009, rape revenge movies, horror blog, grindhouse, nunsploitation, splatter disco, naked women

The Hills Run Red (Review)

The Hills Run Red

The Hills Run Red (2009)

Directed by Dave Parker

The Hills Run Red got the hype treatment within the horror universe this year. It's premise, it's sleek grindy slasher and Sophia Monk wearing nothing should be enough to equal yayness and approval from us fans. For me, it equals more of a mix bag of donuts. Sure you get your oozing jelly filled, and your chocolate yuminess. But you also get your over done elaborate, sprinkled Boston cremes and some other exotic new flavors that catch your eye. Yeah, it looks pretty but it doesn't taste that good.

Well that's The Hills Run Red. It looks good from the outside but when you dig in, it's not as delicious as you thought it would be.

I think I've got you hungry right? Lets dig in shall we?

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A group of young horror fans go searching for a film that mysteriously vanished years ago but instead find that the demented killer from the movie is real, and he's thrilled to meet fans who will die gruesomely for his art.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

At points within the movie, I got really conflicted. I was teetering that this would be 3 spinkicks, then it dropped to 1 spinkick, then to 2 spins, then 2 and a half. I've haven't been this confused trying to rate a film in a while. I usually know exactly the rating I'm going to give during the film and by the end, it's sold. So its surprising to what I settled on for this one. But as you can see below, my string of thoughts sorta went in different directions.

Here's are my thought bubbles during the movie.

• Sophia Monk is hot
• OMG! Sophia Monk is naked...making her mega hotter
• The other female star in the movie is naked too!
• This trailer of the movie within this movie looks awesome!
• Tyler, our main character is kinda a lame, horror-core fan
• Well, Sophia Monk is naked again
• Tyler's friends are also big douches..I hope they die
• Oh oh, this is turning out to be a filmmakers go to the woods and get attacked by cannibal rednecks, then attacked by a real slasher
• Babyface, our slasher has got some top notch kill skills
• Holy shit! A women got torn in two by a tree contraption
• Hmmm. I think the fake grindhouse movie in this movie is probably better than the actual movie itself (make sense?)
• It's a gratuitous chase scene!
• WTF! Is this Saw?
• Sophia Monk is naked again...and I never get tired of looking at her.
  
• Oh man I predicted that twist 30 minutes ago
• Wow, this is lots of pretentious dialogue about movie making
• Yup, another twist...saw that one coming 15 minutes ago
• Ewwww. Babyface looks yucky
• Yeah! A scene during the credits...this will be awes....errr....well thats just dumb
  

If you've seen the movie, you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about. For peeps who haven't seen it, lets get into a review.

Tyler and his filmmaking cohorts decide to make a documentary of The Hills Run Red, a slasher film that has reached urban legend status. Seems the only remnants of the film left are a trailer, a few posters and Alexa, daughter of the director Wilson Wyler Concannon (William Sadler).

After Tyler meets Alexa (the always naked Sophia Monk), a stripper who guides the group to the locations of the movie. Joined by his GF Serena and best friend Lalo, they go off to the woods and go Blair Witching. The movie is interspliced with scenes from the unfinished grindhouse movie. The movie is about Babyface, a bumpkin schmunkin who tore up his face to something about his mom. I forget exactly how it went.

The characters are actually a little irritating to say the least with Alexa being the most interesting. Tyler is your Heather-type (from BWP) so dedicated to making his documentary, he turns down sexual relations from Alexa and his girlfriend (What the freakin fuck? I think he's gay..seriously dude?). Serena, his GF is dedicated and even at one point during the movie she seemed to go into a She-Ra, Princess of Power transformation changing into a standard Final Girl tanktop. Lalo is just victim fodder.

But it's Alexa, who creates the most memorable character in The Hills Run Red. A stripper, a drug addict and a vixen to the slickest proportions. Sophia Monk plays her character, right up to the end of the movie in a top notch, juicy sexpot sorta way. Brains and breasts as I always say.

Oddly enough, the film also becomes Skynet self aware. The characters go over rules of how to survive a "we're lost in the woods attacked by locals" horror movie and many of the film within a film references are slightly clever and a wink to the audience. There is something about finding a long lost film and the repercussions of it. Many scenes are set up where you think good guys defeat bad guys. But then you get a 360 into something else. I can't say its cool, more a little confusing.

But this new age of millennium slashers inducts Babyface into its fraternity. He's a formidable mountain man slasher who can use a variety of weapons to kill kill kill. Like Chromeskull in Laid to Rest, he's got a style and backstory that's unique. His daddy and mommy would be proud.

Parker and crew have a made a decent slasher movie that flips things upside down, fulfills your gratuitous nudity meter, got a somewhat interesting plot and has kills that will make gorehounds rejoice. It's also got some uneven twizzler twists, hipsters playing horror intellectuals and some self referencing dumbness.

So what do you got after you watch The Hills Run Red? 2 spinkicks. It's a fitting rating for a decent film that is like a bite of jelly and a bite of glazed. It may not live up to the hype its gotten but I can say I wasn't bored. American runs on blood and donuts.

Nude-ipedia

C'mon now. How many times do I gotta say Sophia Monk is 100% naked in this?
Gratuitous secondary character sex scene boobage

Gore-ipedia

Face trauma
Ax to the head
Decaps
Stomach trauma
Sliced and dice tummies
Mummified corpses
Gunshot trauma
Gut wrenching gore
Women torn in half
Various mutilation kills
Various stabbing weapon kills
Lots of head bashing

WTF moment

The twist after the twist

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The Hills Run Red is available now on DVD via Amazon.com. I think many of the horror sites agree with my review that the movie is a mixed bag. Though some reviews have a love or hate it sorta opinion. I tried to not go into much of the plot of the movie because giving a way too much would affect your viewing.

But your reading this review because you want to know if Sophia Monk is naked in it right? So rest assured the answer is yes.

Rating:

Check out the trailer.

Hanger (Review)

Hanger

Hanger (2009)

Directed by Ryan Nicholson

Well Hanger is a movie that alot of our female horror bloggers are NOT going to watch and certainly not review.

Sometimes horror is still a boys club.

There is still a part of the horrorsphere that is still extreme,vulgar, disgusting and nasty. Movies that throwback exploitation and grindhouse and make it tampon fuckin bloody. This isn't your sanitized Tarantino/Rodriguez shit. This is over the top fucked up shit. Lowest Common Denominator gave us Black Devil Doll (review here). Header (review here) gave us a new term for some fucked up shit. And Frank Henenlotter recently spawned Bad Biology (review here).

But Plotdigger Films Ryan Nicholson whose Gutterballs (full review here) and Live Feed are smack in the middle of this extreme horror genre is back with his 4th film Hanger. I loved Gutterballs, ranking it #6 on my Top Horror Movies of 2008. But I'll say straight out, as much as I appreciate all the glorious exploitation shit of old, I just couldn't dig the flick. But that isn't to say it doesn't have its moments.

Put the kids to sleep and get your barf bag ready, it looks like we're DeLoreaning back to the VHS horror of old.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Pulled into this world to take you out! HANGER is a horrifying tale of revenge...beginning with a back-alley abortion and ending with a bloodbath so vicious that it brings a new meaning to "an eye for eye".

From pimps to dealers, from hookers and junkies..."Hanger" washes the filth away with their own blood, cleaning the streets and making way for the ultimate showdown of good vs. evil. Diving headfirst into the depths of human depravity, Plotdigger Films plans on turning the world of horror inside out and letting it all hang out to dry!

Awesome Review-O-Matic

(Warning! This review is probably filled with language that will offend some. Just because the movie is highly fucked up and offensive itself)

It's easy to get psyched when you see one flick you love and anticipate the next film of that director. So Hanger got me hyped after watching the trailer. But oddly this was 80% extreme nastiness, 10% porn and 10% plot. Gutterballs for all its nastiness had some balance in the equation, Hanger seemed to be overflowing like a clogged up toilet.

So lets breakdown the equation.

10% plot

Debbie Rochon plays Rose, a whore of whores who gets knocked up then subsequently killed by her pimp Leroy. (Leroy also disposes of a tranny as well (Lloyd Kauffman in a cameo)) Leroy is a bad ass brotha, with gear and anger issues. Because Rose can't trick due to her "pregnant, fat ass" he kills her by hanger abortion trauma, thus killing mommy and deforming the unborn son. 18 years later, Rose's favorite John, gets Hanger (the deformed son) out from the streets, gets him a job at a recycling plant and gets him some pussy. (not necessarily in that order)

Soon Hanger is hanging out with Russell, another freakazoid working at the plant. Russell is a Chinese pornhound that cares only about drinking and getting laid. Wade Gibb plays Russell and does the old yellowface act (white man playing a stereotypical Chinese caricature) and somehow turns in stellar, hilarious performance. His Mr. Woo like rambling gave me a few ha ha's and its something you think would be offensive but comes out as funny as hell.

Suffice it to say, John and Hanger go seeking revenge against Leroy because he killed their momma and favorite ho, respectively.

10% porn

Well lets get our Nude-ipedia out of the way right? Lots of breasts and boobage galore in this one. This isn't your Vivid shit here. More like Bangbus. Whore boobies and a gratuitous masturbation-interruptus scene involving Candice Lewald. Round boobies, sagging boobies and wallpaper of porn. Thank you Ryan Nicholson.

80% extreme nastiness

Most other Gore-ipedia scenes involve a killing of a hooker, a fat Jehovah's Witness and some man rape via roofies. It's typically gore-max and it's all done in a utter violent nasty streak. Somehow most of these scenes you'd think would be the shock value you signed up for end up blah. Blah, blah blah. Clocking in at 80 minutes, I guess there was no time in the movie to set any of these scenes up. Shit happens, kill scene, next.

The nasty of the uber nasty is seeing Hanger's fucked up face. He's not just deformed but seriously scarred. Russell is a little yucky too as is another worker at the plant Phil. They throw poop diapers at each other and sort all the gooey and vomitus garbage.

The dialogue is cluttered with every vulgarity and sexual nastiness you can think of. Blowtorch mediaval torture. What else can I say? The only creativeness is Russell's diatribes as he talks to Hanger. Blowjobs, tossing salads and abortions are the vernacular. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the fuckin city. With that, the ending is a little too anticlimactic and a big SHOCKER scene is no where to be found. When a movie offends you this much, you want them to go over the edge and just go "Fuck it, how can this scene be a little more fucked up?".

Hanger lives up to the movies Nicholson has created. It's Troma-ish and has that piss ass drunk feel in movies like Street Trash, Maniac and Combat Shock. It's definitely not for everyone but Hanger claims the top spot of being the nastiest film of 2009.

Ryan Nicholson takes each of the genres of old and makes his version. And trust me his versions are meaner, sicker and more depraved. As much as I like Gutterballs, Nicholson's street revenge, exploitation flick is fucked up, but without the creativeness I was looking for. Maybe he'll make a shaky cam BWP or PA like flick, unsanitized for us grindhouse fans. You listening Ryan?

WTF moment

Seeing Hanger's face for the first time

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The DVD released November 17th. More from the MySpace site and the official site.

If you want to watch what the extreme fans watch, go see Live Feed or Gutterballs first. Then when your ready, you can watch Hanger. Also, to build up your stamina for these type of flicks go see the others I mentioned. If your a noob, go see Cannibal Holocaust first. If you can stand that, you can be ready for this flick.

Rating:

1/2

Check out the trailer below.

2009 NYC Horror Film Festival (Featured Films)

Well October is over but for us New Yorkers, the horror keeps screaming. Just announced is the lineup for the NYC Horror Film Festival that takes place from November 18th to the 22nd.

Here's some snippers from the official press release.

The NYCHFF will take place November 18 - 22, 2009 and will be held at the Tribeca Cinemas, located at 54 Varick Street at Canal Street . The NYCHFF’s Kick-Off Gala will take place on November 18 at 8:00pm at BLVD (Spring & Bowery) and will feature five bands, 20 short films, complimentary cocktails and more.

Programming for the festival includes more than 50 horror and Sci-fi feature and short films, parties, and panel discussions.

The festival’s 2009 feature film presentations are:

Cornered (Feature / Horror)

Directed by Daniel Maze

A serial killer is stalking the gritty streets of Los Angeles . It’s all over the news, but that doesn’t stop the crew at a local convenience store from their weekly poker game. Now, trapped inside the store with a deranged killer the group must fight to make it through the night alive. Stars Steve Guttenberg, James Duval and the hysterical Ellia English.

Must Love Death (Feature / Horror / Comedy)

Directed by Andreas Schaap

Disappointed by love and suicidal people, Norman arranges to meet a group of like-minded people. But when he arrives at the meeting the alleged suicides goes very wrong and hilarity and blood start to flow freely.

Sweatshop (Feature / Horror)

Directed by Stacy Davidson

A group of rave promoters decide to throw a party in an enormous vacant factory... But when the oversexed friends throw back a few drinks and begin setting up, they soon realize, a beastly all-seeing presence resides in this enormous place, and it drags a mammoth, inhuman weapon that serves only one purpose: to end the lives of anyone who trespasses here.

The Revenant (Feature / Horror / Comedy)

Directed by D. Kerry Prior

Officer First Class Bart Gregory is killed while fighting in Middle East . His body is shipped back to the United States and laid to rest, but before the lid can be put on his tomb, Bart inexplicably awakens in his coffin and climbs from his grave; A Vampire? A Zombie? No…..A Revenant! Now, this average guy must feed on human blood or rot away.

Nosferatu; Orlok The Vampire in 3D!! (Feature / Retrospective)

Directed by F.W. Munarau

This classic 1921 silent film Directed by F.W. Murnau and staring the immortal Max Shriek as Count Orlok is reborn completely restored, remastered and brought back to life in gorgeous 3D. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for film fans to see one of the greatest and one most recognizable classic silent horror films in 3D on the big screen!

Maidenhead (Feature / Horror / Art House)

Directed by Jim Spanos

Poor Martin doesn’t have much of a life. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, he hasn’t been sleeping well, and he still lives at home... with his father, who is an obnoxious, bloodthirsty monster strapped to a bed. Did we mention he isn’t sleeping well? Martin (AJ Bowen of House of the Devil and The Signal) spends his days going numbly about the business of tending to his Dad’s grisly needs. Every day is just like the last, until Martin meets an innocent church-going girl named Meredith, who gives him hope of something more. But what about Dad?

The Shadow Within (Feature / Horror / Ghost)

Directed by Silvana Zancolo

In a gloomy and sinister atmosphere, little Maurice Dumont can’t escape his infernal reality. Dominated by an inhuman mother who rejects him, an absent father and the ghost of his brother who refuses to die. In a claustrophobic overwhelming environment, obsessed by dead and living presences, Maurice seems to have no way out, as death silently creeps into his old gothic house.

Maniac (Feature / Retrospective & Achievement Award)

Directed by Willaim Lustig

This 1980 grindhouse classic is back on the big screen! Starring Joe Spinell as the deranged Frank Zito. Frank is an embittered loser who talks to himself and his dead mother, stalks a pretty model (legend Caroline Munro), and spends his spare time brutally murdering and scalping women. A pristine 35 mm print will screen as part of this Lifetime Achievement Award program dedicated to Director / Producer William Lustig.

William Lustig Lifetime Achievement Award

As a kid, auteur William Lustig avidly watched a huge volume of lowdown trashy exploitation fare on 42nd Street ’s grindhouse theaters. Working way through the film business, Lustig found himself at the center of a storm of controversy when he made the grim, and gory landmark horror film "Maniac" which boasts an incredibly intense performance by legendary character actor Joe Spinell and hideously graphic make-up f/x by horror icon Tom Savini. Lustig followed up with the tough, gritty and exciting urban revenge thiller "Vigilante." He delivered another winner with the terrific "Maniac Cop," and the series follow ups 2 & 3, Hit List"and the suspenseful serial killer thriller "Relentless" all excellent and entertaining. Lustig's last film as a director was the nifty fright flick "Uncle Sam." William Lustig has also produced a staggering 84 films and TV projects to date. He went on to create the distribution company Blue Underground that lovingly restores and puts out some of the best classic genre films of all time!

Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet (Feature / Horror)

Directed by Frank Sabatella

Long Island, 1978: A young girl named Mary Mattock gruesomely murders her family and is locked away at the notorious Kings Park Psychiatric Center . Ten years later Mary escapes, leaving a grizzly wake of bodies and blood. Gunned down by the police, Mary meets her own demise outside the sanitarium walls. This incident gave birth to the legend of Mary Hatchet’s walking ghost and the mischievous night named in honor of her death, BLOOD NIGHT! Starring genre favorites Bill Moseley and Danielle Harris, Blood Night puts a neck-breaking spin on the gory and gut wrenching slasher films of the 80’s.

For more information and tickets, visit the festival’s website: http://www.nychorrorfest.com/.

I'm very excited to see The Revenant though I wouldn't mind seeing Maniac on the big screen for that shotgun blast to the head scene. If your in the NYC area, I would suggest trying to see one of these films...maybe I'll even see you there.

Hanger (Trailer)

Was I the only one who actually liked Gutterballs? (full review here). Yeah I know, the anti argument were the characters were vulgar, it had a gratuitous 20 minute rape scene and the slaughter was laughable 80s slasher fare. But I kinda dug it because of all those things I just mentioned.

The fact that I ranked it #6 on my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008 kinda says it all. I'll defend that pick as I will all my fuckin picks. So there.

Anyway, Ryan Nicholson, the director of Live Feed and Gutterballs is back with his new flick called Hanger. Put the kids to sleep and get your barf bag ready, it looks like we're DeLoreaning back to the VHS horror of old.

Hangar looks like a cross between Street Trash, Maniac and all the glorious exploitation shit of old. I mean its got hookers, degenerates, pimps, drug dealers, mutants and Debbie Rochon!
What more can you ask for? A plot? OK..see below.

Pulled into this world to take you out! HANGER is a horrifying tale of revenge...beginning with a back-alley abortion and ending with a bloodbath so vicious that it brings a new meaning to "an eye for eye".

From pimps to dealers, from hookers and junkies..."Hanger" washes the filth away with their own blood, cleaning the streets and making way for the ultimate showdown of good vs. evil. Diving headfirst into the depths of human depravity, Plotdigger Films plans on turning the world of horror inside out and letting it all hang out to dry!

Check out the trailer below. The DVD releases November 17th. More from the MySpace site.

Incest Death Squad (Review)

Incest Death Squad

Incest Death Squad (2009)

Directed by Corey Udler

Well if you're reading this review, you probably realized that my quote is on the cover of the DVD box.

Yup, it's right damn in front in bold freakin letters it reads:

"Are you going to hell if you see this movie? Probably so."

I still stand by that quote. Because after watching Incest Death Squad, you really are going to hell if you see this flick. It's probably what right wing, Christian conservatives will tell you but I'm sure they've never seen a Rated R flick in their lives. But seriously, I've never seen a film which casually displays religious iconography and then counters it with a brother and sister soaked in blood while going all incesty.

Yes folks. Incest Death Squad has incest, it has death and it has a squad. Not necessarily in that order.

IDS is a mixed bag of screwball comedy, Tromaville humor, perverse exploitation and some wicked foreplay. But it also has a few moments of lag, some shaky camera shots and a letdown of an ending.

So you take the good and the bad and you come out with a modern day exploitation film that fucks with your head but leaves no traumatic scarring to the most jaded viewer. And my hype for the film was just that. I was hoping Udler would push the proverbial 'sploitation frontier and take it to the next level. Sort of like where Nekromantik took that other fetish that should not be named.

So want to head to hell as well? Keep reading.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Meet Jeb and Amber Wayne, an incestuous brother and sister who have been given a message from God. KILL ALL TOURISTS.

Meet, AaronBurg, a big city newspaper reporter sent to the Northwoods of Wisconsin to get a story on Chronic Wasting Diseas. What Aaron doesn't know is that his life will soon be turned into an orgy of bloodlust at the hands of the Waynes.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

So with a title called Incest Death Squad you're going to get my attention. I mean how do you treat the first word with anything but disdain and disgust. With necrophilia and bestiality as the other parts of the trio of fuckedupness, you really have to either go with an artsy fartsy approach, be a bizzare comedy or go all grindhouse.

Here IDS goes 2 of 3 by adding comedy to such an exploitation bonanza. The movie is set up in two parallel storylines, one involving Jeb (Greg Johnson) and Amber (Carmela Wiese) Wayne, our bro and sis children of God who use Amber's lusty vixen to lure dumb redneck fisherman to their deaths. The other storyline is one revolving around Aaron (Tom Lodewyck), our intrepid reporter as he digs for facts and meets a motel owner (Melissa Jo Murphy) as they venture off into a budding relationship.

The Jeb and Amber scenes are where we get our fix of horror. Jeb is a minister of death and is the one who invokes the Creator to fulfill his missions. But I really dug the performance by Wiese as Amber. She puts the I in IDS, playing a local Venus fly trap with her lusty sexpot advances on the man population. In the one penultimate scene that lives up to the "I" in the title, they get all down and naked covered in blood. It's not as gritty and sick as it seems but is highly uncomfortable.

In our comedy portion, we follow the slapstick adventures of Aaron and Andrea. Aaron, gets his assignments from a cameo from Lloyd Kaufman (complete with Poultrygeist branding on his shirt). It's pure Troma madness ("I want more dead hookers!") and Kaufman as the newspaper editor is his indie horror DIY best.

Aaron and Andrea scenes were mostly snoozy consisting of casual conversating and pizza eating. These scenes of very Troma-ish humor and visual aided ha ha's were ill timed and sometimes overplayed. I just didn't find any LOLs in Aaron's ineptitude. I mean this dude is hooking up with people left and right and playing the goofball. It felt a little imbalanced but the biggest thing that grinded my gears was towards the end where he encounters the squad.

It's the ending that could have been the complete WTF moment here. Jeb gets holy on a corpse and Amber wants to marry now hostage Aaron. Confused and bewildered, I was hoping we'd see these two get their comeuppance (but then there would be no IDS2). I felt we could have seen some serious carnage and total insanity. But it ended on a quiet whimper.

I think I totally overhyped this movie in my head after watching the trailer. So it didn't live up to my expectations but hell not a lot of movies do. Udler does a good job in his first feature flick taking a good concept and story and adding some comedy and vulgarity to the mix. Kudos to Udler for taking a chance on making a flick that defies all that is mainstreamy. I think he has a bright future in the indie horror scene.

Some of the performances were wicked, others not so much. However, Udler goes all Americana with the visuals of a small Wisconsin countryside. Because like I've said many times before, the USA is the best at making movies about the horrors of backwoods, USA.

Incest Death Squad is a film bent on making you uncomfortable, showering you with clean, goofy comedy than spewing you with disgusting visuals that make you want to stab your eyes out with a rusty scissor.

So should you watch it?

Probably so, but remember do not pass Go. You're going straight to hell and if even if you don't you're probably going to end up in jail.

Gore-ipedia

Snapped neck
Unseen weapon to the face
Bloody nose

Nude-ipedia

Amber boobage
Man parts

WTF moment

Jeb gets holy on one of the victims (wink wink)

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Incest Death Squad will be at the Crypticon in Minneapolis from November 6th to 8th. It's also now available on DVD. Check out the official site, the MySpace page for more information.

I'd like to thank Cory Udler for the DVD and the quotable quote on the DVD cover. I've always dreamed one day a quote of mine would be on a DVD and now it has. Yay.

Will we see a IDS2? Most definitely from what I can tell. Here's hoping that the movie pushes the boundaries of all good taste. I'll be on the frontlines when that happens.

Rating:

Check out the trailers.

jaded viewer related linkage:
Incest Death Squad (Trailer)
Incest Death Squad (DVD Release Date)

Tags:
incest death squad, incest death squad review , incest death squad trailer , horror movie 2009, exploitation movies, horror blog, gratuitous nudity

Gnaw (Review)

Gnaw

Gnaw (2008)

Directed by Gregory Mandry

You've all seen the posters for Joss Whedon's upcoming Cabin in the Woods right? The taglines take a shot at all the slasher convention "rules" of well cabin in the woods horror films.

These rules were obviously made famous in the Friday the 13th flicks but they've infiltrated many other flicks as well. Cabin Fever, Hills Have Eyes, etc.

Well before you see Whedon's flick, you should watch a movie like Gnaw to know what they are probably going to parody. In the posters for Cabin in the Woods the taglines are....

If an old man warns you not to go there..

Make fun of him.

If you hear a strange sound outside...

Have sex.

If something is chasing you...

Split up.

All the characters in Gnaw follow these rules to a tee. Just a generic horror movie for the generic horror generation. I really thought the UK would be a little better than this. I mean cannibal families in the UK country? Sorry, I just don't buy it. You're too damn civilized for that premise. What else, what else?

Oh yeah, did I mention that the killer family grinds up their victims and makes them into pies?

It's not as cool as it sounds.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

In this dark, tongue in cheek, British Horror, six friends take a holiday in the heart of the English countryside which turns into a culinary nightmare when they discover that their hosts are a sadistic family of cannibals, set on turning their guests into their next meal!

It's nice to have your friends for dinner.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

It's the speed review. I'm here to answer all your pertinent questions about Gnaw.

1.) How many dumb kids go into the woods?
Six.

2.) How many have sex?
Two.

3.) Do they eat the human meat pies?
Yes.

4.) Is it gross?
Not really. They discover a hair in one, a gold tooth in another and a ring in some soup.

5.) Is the caretaker landlady in on it?
You betcha.

6.) Is the final girl preggers?
Yup which makes sure she'll survive all the way to the end.

7.) I heard the slasher dude is known as the Slaughterman, so is he bad ass?
Think a younger Vinnie Jones meets David Beckham with a pitchfork.

8.) Is his mask a raccoon tail with eyeholes?
Yup. Wow strike fear into your victims with roadkill on your face.

9.) Any awesome scenes of kill carnage (aka Gore-ipedia)?
Err.Umm. Ehhh. Girl gets stabbed in the stomach. Some tongue trauma and some grind chipper foot. Nothing to write Fangoria about.

10.) Boobies (Nude-ipedia)?
Yeah, real and not spectacular.

11.) For a movie about cannibals, do they even eat their victims?
Nope. WTF?!?

12.) Is there a scene where one of them says "We can lose him in the woods."
Here be your WTF moment.
OMG, yeah. When has a victim fodder ever thought they could outrun a killer in the woods? I mean honestly.

13.) The ending sucks right?
Fuck yeah it does.

And there you have it. I was expecting a little more effort from a indie UK horror production. I'm gonna have to call out the UK and say leave it up to the revolutionists across the pond when it comes to cannibal, redneck horror. We kinda do it better and it's a little more believable.

Gnaw's tagline is "It's nice to have your friends for dinner". It should be "Been there done that, don't watch this movie"

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Umm. That's it. The end. Go home now. Review is over. Good night.

Rating:

Check out the trailer.

jaded viewer related linkage:
The Cottage (Review)
Dismal Eat or Be Eaten (Review)


Tags:
gnaw, gnaw review , gnaw trailer , uk horror, cannibal horror, horror blog

Jack Ketchum's Offspring (Review)

Jack Ketchum's Offspring

Jack Ketchum's Offspring (2009)

Directed by Andrew van den Houten

[this is a review I wrote for UGO.com's Movie Blog]

I have never read a Jack Ketchum novel so I came into watching Offspring with a unique perspective. The only other Jack Ketchum movie I’ve seen was The Girl Next Door which I ranked #4 on my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2007. So I may not be a big fan, but I do appreciate his vision.

With research, Offspring is a sequel to Ketchum’s novel Off-Season. But horror fans need not read that book as this movie takes place 11 years later. The story revolves around the citizens of Dead River, Maine being invaded by Eartheaters, pseudo American cannibals who are bent on slaughtering the innocent civilians of this quiet town. They are a clan like no other. These cannibals are all “stolen” children and have a wide variety of looks. A blonde cannibal in Mad Max gear, grown up cannibals in Native American stripper leather and to top it all off we have little kiddie cannibals, all unique in their personalities. When the first horrific murders occur, the local police bring back former Sheriff George Peters (Art Hindle) to investigate.

The main townies are introduced and they are no pushover teenagers. David and Amy, a married couple who live with their infant daughter are soon visited by Amy’s friend Claire and her son Luke. Later, Claire’s crazy, psycho husband Stephen threatens to visit and we see his true persona as a misogynistic yuppie when he picks up a hitchhiker.

But all this is set up so that when the scenes of complete slaughter and destruction occur, your empathy gene turns on. The meat and potatoes of Offspring and where Ketchum’s critical acclaim comes from are the scenes of unrelenting violence by the cannibals. Gorehounds will rejoice as we get a wide variety of splatterific moments. Ocular trauma, ripped necks, sliced up stomachs and oozing intestines, infanticide, 3rd degree burnage and a decapitation to the head that was uber stellar.

But top notch gore alone can only go so far to make a movie. The fight scenes are badly executed, the dialogue a little cheesy and the costumes look like they were bought at a less than a dollar store. The characters, probably given more backstory in the book are more like nameless victim fodder. Their deaths lack any viewer attachments and even a horrible rape and bite sequence made me care less.

What the book and Ketchum tried to hint at is that these cannibals are like locusts and it’s in their nature to kill. Moreover, the “civilized” ex-husband versus the uncivilized cannibals act eerily similar when their lives are on the line. That’s the connection you should have made but the movie fails at this and all we’re left with is kid on kid violence for the sake of shock value. I appreciate a hatchet to the chest as much as the next gorehound, but it doesn’t make for an entirely awesome flick. Like the cannibals, you’ll get an arm and a leg to nibble on, but don’t expect to get full from Offspring.


DVD Features:

• Commentary with Writer Jack Ketchum, Director Andrew van den Houten, and Producer/Cinematographer William M. Miller
• Progeny: The Birth of Offspring documentary
• BailoutPrintable Script
• Webisodes
• Photo Gallery
  

Grade: C

You'll like it if....

• You’re a hardcore Jack Ketchum fan
• You love cannibals running amok
• You’re a gorehound and love splatterpunk
  

You won't like it if....

• You bad costumes and cheesy dialogue get on your nerves
• You think Wrong Turn was awful
• You are squeamish when it comes to blood and ocular trauma