Sweatshop (Review)

Sweatshop

Sweatshop (2009)

Directed by Stacy Davidson

"It's always the quiet ones that cut your dick off while you're not looking"

-Token black guy DJ

It's rare to see a film that takes the slasher formula and hammers in the gore relentlessly. If there is one thing that nails this down, it's Sweatshop, a splatter soaked gore-o-thon that gives us sex, beats and a big fuckin sledgehammer.

Director Stacy Davidson and writer Ted Geoghegan clearly went for the jugular in this film. I'll get to the gore in a second but the cast of characters who we'll get to meet are the anti-Hollywood Hollister/American Eagle bunch of white people. They're ravers/punk rockers/crustycore motley crew sorta bunch and kudos to the costume department for making them all stand out in their own way.

A few plot points are scattered around, a few LOLs dabbled in but the gorehounds will rejoice when "The Beast" and his banshee she-demons get their kill on. It's the gore and splatter that drives Sweatshop, make no doubt about it. It's not reinventing the slasher genre but it's making sure the definition is being 100% adhered to.

Sweatshop's The Beast is a slasher even Thor would be scared of.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A group of friends break into an abandoned factory in order to throw a impromptu party; unaware that it is not as empty as they originally believed.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

I review every slasher flickwith my handy jaded viewer slasher checklist. Below is a list of what we here at the jaded viewer deem as full of chunky gooiness when it comes to the ingredients of a solid slasher-palooza.

Does Sweatshop achieve everything on this list?

1.) Does the movie have..... a mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher?

Check. The Beast's backstory is never told, we don't even know why he wants to kill these glow stick motherfuckers. He's got a pimp fur coat and a welding mask and his fuckin large...like Butterbean large. I'm going to assume he's an inbred redneck as that's what I always assume.

2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity?

Definite check. The raver-tastic Krystal Freeman who plays Lolli shows us her lovely lovelies (that's boobs) and it's mucho fantastico. Top it off with a sex scene with a fat guy and..... ::shivers::

3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?

Check. Clearly there's a final girl in here somewhere. We have Charlie, the greedy raver in charge, Scottyboy the mohawk sex fiend, Wade the hillbilly, Jade the malicious vixen, Lolli the slut, Miko the other slut and a token black DJ.

4.) No Plot?

Check. Kids have a rave in an abandoned warehouse where a Thor envy slasher kills them. What more you want?

5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"

Check. I'll say that they went old school with this one.

6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, hammer frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem?

Check. Top notch over the top gore in this one. Severed heads via a hedge clipper, sliced heads via machetes, entrails and intestines ripped out and many many many splatter inducing, modified sledge hammer wallops that result in pancake ravers. Ocular trauma, penis trauma, hand trauma, neck trauma...there be a whole shitload of fuckin trauma in this.

7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)

Nope. Nothing. Nada. Nobody really takes charge. Everybody fends for themselves. Bunch of savages in this town.

8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)

There are a few jokes that made me chuckle but overall it's the final rave scene at the end where The Beast goes exterminator on the raver "roaches" that had me laughing.

9.) Gratuitous cameos by actors who have portrayed horror legends (Candyman, Freddy Kreuger and Jason Voorhees) that make you flash a metal sign and do the Beavis and Butthead pseudo head nodding.

Nope.

10.) Wildly ambiguous ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?

Check.

************************************************************

Sweatshop isn't the most creative slasher movie but it's the most bloodiest one I've seen in a while. It's got its gimmicks (ravers doing ravy things) and a masked slasher with a weapon that would make Jason Voorhees jealous. The characters are your standard cardboard cutouts of not white teen suburbia but cutouts of what we think ravers dress and act like. I mean they had them drinking and smoking weed...but not doing meth or taking E? WTF?

By the end of the first hour, the body count is quite high and your waiting to see what the hell will happen in the final 30. And I'll admit it doesn't disappoint. It's a crazy gore soaked ending.

I've always said that if you have gratuitous nudity, some semi interesting characters and a formidable killing machine, you've made a decent slasher film in my book.

You may not have expected it, but Sweatshop cuts off a good solid dick.

Gore-ipedia

See checklist item #6

Nude-ipedia

Gratuitous nudity at its most gratuitous

WTF moment

That hammer is seriously pimped out

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Sweatshop is being distributed via Screen Media Films and was released on DVD September 13th. Sarah Jahier of Fatally Yours has a quote on the DVD box (which peaked my interest in watching this) and a Bloody Disgusting and Dread Central gave good reviews.

The Vitals

• The official site
• Like Sweatshop on Facebook!
• Follow Sweatshop on Twitter!
  

Rating:
1/2


Check out the trailer.

School Yard Nostalgia Month: Poltergeist scared the hell out of 8 year old me!

Over at Big Daddy Horror Reviews it's School Yard Nostalgia Month. BDHR is asking the question: What's your first horror film experience?

I decided to participate and had to think waaaaay back on what it was. Obviously, as you can see from the picture above it was Poltergeist.

Go inside the jaded viewer's memory banks and read up on how Poltergeist affected 8 year old me over at Big Daddy Horror Reviews.

Rewind: Swamp Thing (Review)

Swamp Thing

Swamp Thing (1982)

Directed by Wes Craven

[this rewind review brought to you by the jaded viewer's first guest reviewer Dylan Duarte, who secretly works at Area 51]

When watching a film a few decades old, especially a horror film, you have to adjust your expectations. Well, you don't have to, but you might be disappointed. You should expect camp and you should expect cheese, partly because of traditional effects, and partly because what worked back then is just different than what works now.

So I went into Swamp Thing with these expectations and was pleasantly surprised by the lack of either, though Adrienne Barbeau's hair is very much a product of the 1980s.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

After a violent incident with a special chemical, a research scientist is turned into a swamp plant monster.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Swamp Thing tells the story of scientist Alec Holland (Ray Wise), who runs a research station in the middle of a swamp, working on plants. He develops a chemical that makes plants overly aggressive, which he hopes will help them survive in harsh conditions. Unfortunately, the dastardly Dr. Anton Arcane (Louis Jourdan) wants Holland's research for himself and employs a group of mercenaries to take it by force. In the ensuing battle, Holland comes into contact with the chemical and is transformed into the monstrosity known as Swamp Thing.

The immediate problem, as someone who's familiar with Swamp Thing, is the lack of moss and other leafy greens that should be decorating the creature's body. Swamp Thing has always looked like something of a giant plant, whereas in this adaptation he's just a smooth, green-skinned giant that looks more like the Hulk. Not only is it disappointing as a fan, but it also takes away one of the more unique aspects of the character. Now he just looks like any old thing you'd see in a creature feature, when he should look like a living, breathing salad.

Granted, a disgusting living, breathing salad, but one all the same. This may seem nitpicky, but it really does damage the overall feel of the movie and makes it seem more derivative than it actually is.

The acting is exactly what you'd hope for, especially with Arcane. Jourdan chews the scenery all to hell in the classic villainous pursuit of power. Barbeau is a tough cookie as Alice Cable, a government agent sent to protect the lab. She's reminiscent of Sigourney Weaver's Ripley in the Alien franchise. Not only does she look similar, but she displays the same scared confidence. She doesn't know what the hell is happening, but she's not going down without a fight.

And then there's Ray Wise, who takes his role much more seriously than he probably needed to but the movie is so much better for it. It's difficult to truly embrace a character when you're so familiar with the actor, but that's an issue with the viewer, not the actor, and Wise deserves credit for breaking through that barrier.

And then there's Jude, a young man that Cable meets while running from Arcane's goons. Jude is played by Reggie Batts, who to this day has never starred in another movie nor a television show. Batts gives one of those performances that blurs the line between terrible and amazing, because he isn't really acting. He's just himself, Reggie Batts, and he's gotten caught up in some monster madness in the Louisiana Bayou. He looks something like Steve Urkel and he talks like Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle and he's far and away the best part of the movie.

Unfortunately, the cheese begins to creep its ugly head in as we near the end and the movie takes a serious downhill turn that embraces the horror clichés of the time. It's truly disappointing where Swamp Thing ends up, especially considering what it started out as. It's still a good movie, but if it had the stayed the course that it established early on, it could've been something great.

"Dylan Duarte is a horror buff and writer who regularly writes about StarCostumes.com He can be reached at dylnduarte at gmail.com."

Rating:
Check out the trailer below!

This is the only reason they are remaking Deadly Friend in 3D

Have you seen Wes Craven's Deadly Friend? Probably not. And you're not alone. I've seen it but it's been a while since I remembered while it's memorable. Well of course! It's the infamous basketball death scene which sticks out like Shaquille O'Neal at a little people convention. I posted the basketball scene a while back and now with news that Deadly Friend will be remade in 3D (which I freakin Nostradmused that would happen), the basketball scene is the #1 reason why its going to be in 3D.

So I pose the question: Can one scene warrant a 3D Hollywood remake?

You be the judge. Watch it below.

I mean that scene is awesome right? Did Hollywood actually do what I think it did?

Did they see this one scene on YouTube and some exec was like: "Holy Eli Roth! That scene is fuckin the shit! Let's remake this movie immediately!!!!"

Umm, that's exactly what they did.

The only reason why Deadly Friend was remotely interesting was the uber hotness of Kristy Swanson and our 80s obsession with everything robotic. I mean we all know about Chopping Mall right?

Even the premise is completely ridiculous.

Paul is a new kid in town with a robot named "BB". He befriends Samantha and the three of them have a lot of good times together. That is, until Samantha's abusive father throws her down some stairs and kills her. In an effort to save her life, Paul implants BB's computer brain into Samantha's human brain

So what else could they steal from the original and make it burst from the screen? How about glass through the stomach? You want that shit in 3D don't you???




That not enough? How about one of the Sam killing her dad? (FF >> 3:55) See that shovel throw (its going to be awesome in 3D!!) , wrist snapping in 3D (soo cool!), strangulation comin right atcha!





And of course the ending is ripe for some 3D-ness.




This is movie has so many potential 3D moments, I can't believe they didn't think of doing this sooner (umm that was all sarcasm my horror minions)

I am 100% sure the basketball scene is why we're getting this entire movie in 3D. The movie is about killer robot!!! A Yellow killer robot!

It's not going to be too long until they remake Night of the Comet and Chopping Mall as well. It's scary when I'm too psychic for my own good.

The House of the Devil (Review)

The House of the Devil

The House of the Devil (2009)

Directed by Ti West

It's very odd that this decade, the 2000s have all been a haven for the throwback, remake or homage movie. We get sentimental for different decades, the 70s and 80s we deem as the golden age sometimes. This very much is the case within horror.

I am not a child of the 70s, but I did watch the cinema of the time. When I first got into horror, I figured I should self-educate and watch the best of the best. The Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby, The Omen, etc. And after watching all these movies, I never knew why people were so obsessed with the occult and the Satanic worship at the time.

But Ti West wants you to get reacquainted with that devil fear all over again. With The House of the Devil, he basically takes that slow burn, jump scare and evil Satanic worshipping frozen dinner and reheats it for you, complete with the side of gory red pudding. West does nothing new to this genre of film, but instead adds some gorehound delights and nostalgic 80s soundtrack to complete a good homage, nothing more and nothing less.

The House of the Devil is a throwback glimpse into a plodding pace that is all atmosphere based which eventually leads to an over the top, metal music cacophony of chaos ending. If you you remember these movies fondly, you'll love this movie. If you're a tween or were born in the 90s, this is a movie where may you spontaneously develop ADD.

I found myself caught in the middle. And I'll tell you why.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

In the 1980s, college student Samantha Hughes takes a strange babysitting job that coincides with a full lunar eclipse. She slowly realizes her clients harbor a terrifying secret; they plan to use her in a satanic ritual.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Let's just start off with what I liked. I loved the vintage 80s opening credits, from the fonts to the freeze frame credit sequences. West spares no expense to get you back into acid washed jeans and Charlie's Angels hair. The soundtrack keeps this going with very montagey music that blends into the film. As Sam blasts her oversized Walkman, we hear music from new wave to metal (thank the Gods of Fire for that). Later, we even get a gratuitous 80s montage set to "One Thing Leads to Another" by The Fixx. It's all these things that gave me a happy because nostalgia is an intoxicating drug for any movie fan.

Here is where we go grey. Sam (Jocelin Donahue) is that everyday poor, struggling college student. She's got a horny, slobby roommate which is the reason she decides to move off campus. She soon takes a babysitting job located in backwoods, USA and she and her friend Megan are off to meet the lovely but ultimately evil Mr. and Mrs. Ulman.

Act 1 is all set up as we play meet and greet with our heroine Sam. Donahue looks like a cloned Danielle Harris. West allows us to see her uninteresting life in the most aggravating of ways. Scenes of watching Sam walk from place to place, with juxtaposition closeup shots of a clock tower followed by more long walks and scary payphones. I have totally forgotten how yawny boring these long shots and scenes of nothing can be. (Can somebody tell me if this is how these 70s/80s Satanic movies were filmed back then? I honestly don't remember. But I get the feeling West makes sure we get the same feel as those movies. The mega slow burn is in effect. You better drink a Red Bull.)

Act 2 begins when Sam decides to take the babysitting job which turns out to be not a babysitting job. Mr Ulman (Tom Noonan, who does a decent job as the creepy undertaker-like guy) explains the rules and coerces her with more money.

We the viewer get painstakingly a collection of scenes of Sam snooping all over the house. Some scenes (especially shots of her through a window are glorious throwaway shots of old). But more so, we get Sam being scared of her friend's answering machine (complete with that 80s pretend voice message), Sam scared of the pizza guy, Sam scared of the bathroom, Sam scared of the creepy attic. West spares no expense who amp up the bass to get you to jump out of your seat. Think of the "Don't!" trailer and this sums up Act 2.

Check out an example of the slow burn suspense in this clip below.

Act 3 which takes about an hour and 10 minutes to get to is filled with bloody uber chaos. Motive is explained by our diabolical couple and their homicidal son tries to go, well homicidal on Sam. Satanic rituals are in effect with that Satanic star, that Satanic animal skull and that Satanic blood drinking and human sacrifices. In all these movies, they end one of two ways. Somebody gets shot or jumps off the roof of the house.

Like I said before, West throws in more gore and splatter than these movies usually have. Gore-ipedia includes a very stellar gunshot to the face, ocular trauma, sliced throats and a headshot. It's top notch FX and I couldn't help but applaud the effort.

However, at the end of the day the movie is a wicked slow slow slow burn. It takes so long to get to the nitty gritty that no Red Bulls were helping to keep me awake. I understand it's suppose to be this way but Satanic and occult movies are my weakest link within horror and I'll admit, I do not like style over substance. The House of the Devil is filled with these cliches of BOO! scares and unseen carnage. Though as an older horror fan, I am not easily scared as I use to be and as the jaded viewer, I demand to see something substantial and not the repackaged same old same old.

That's not to say the film isn't effective in what it was trying to do. Kudos to West and the entire cast for pulling off an impressive homage to the girl meets devil genre. It's brilliant in bringing back that longing for a movie you'd see at 2am on Channel 11 (WPIX in NYC).

So with that, it's a touch of grey for The House of the Devil. It's got its moments and it's got its long moments. Like a magic eye painting, you'll be waiting for the blurry mess of color to turn into a sailboat. Some people will focus and see the sailboat. Others, like myself wait for hours for that damn sailboat. Hell, sometimes you don't see a sailboat at all.

Nude-ipedia

Nada. These aren't the droids you're looking for.

WTF moment

Gunshot to the face. Didn't see that coming.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Going back on the metaphor I mentioned before, The House of the Devil is a reheated frozen dinner. You've eaten it before and it pretty much tastes the same. But sometimes, if you haven't had that same meal in a while, it tastes a little better. Right? Know what I mean?

The House of the Devil comes out on October 30th in a limited release. You can actually watch it on Amazon.com Video In Demand right now.

This is Ti West's 4th film.

Rating:

Check out the trailer.

jaded viewer related linkage:
Top 5 80s Horror Movies Hollywood Might Actually Think Would Be Good Remakes

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the house of the devil, the house of the devil review , the house of the devil trailer , top horror movie 2009, satan occult movies, horror blog